Page 15 of Wildly Yours (Owl Creek #3)

T hree days ago Cody walked back into my life after a seven-year absence.

Now he's carrying me down the side of the hill piggyback style.

My legs are wrapped around his body, my chest pressed against his back, and my arms are draped over his shoulders.

He's gripping the backs of my knees, and everywhere our bodies are touching feels like a fire has been lit.

To say that we've regressed back to our old ways feels like a misrepresentation of what is happening, but it sure feels like old times and I don't want this to end. But I know it will.

It always does.

Whatever is happening between us won't last. It can't. That's just not the way things work out for me so I can't pretend like this will be any different.

And yet with every pulse of my heart, every step he takes, I feel myself relaxing more into being in contact with him.

There's a comfort so deep in being with him, like my body knows how to exist without effort.

Before he disappeared, Cody was my everything. He was my North Star.

And then he fell out of my sky.

I try to bite down on my ankle pain as he stumbles on a rough patch in the trail.

It's amazing how much it can hurt to move something that's been injured.

Sort of like me. Not my ankle, but my insides.

It hurts to move. And maybe that's why after all this time, I've never gotten over Cody.

I've never moved on. It just hurt too much to move on.

"Doing alright back there?"

"Better than alright. Are you available for hire? I need a ride through the spring parade."

His body jerks as he fights back the laughter.

"You want me to carry you through the parade?"

"Or how about from the store to Town Hall everyday? I could use some help then, too. Four blocks is a long way to travel."

"How about I drive you back to your house today, and we can talk about the rest some other time."

We arrive at my car in the lot, and he places me on the hood so I can fish for my keys. I immediately feel cold rush in where his body was pressed against mine. I immediately feel the absence of his warmth. Of him.

I don't know what to do with the tug of war happening inside.

Being with him again feels good. Even if there is a giant gap where our trust used to live.

And because of that, the voice in my head keeps reminding me to be careful.

When Cody abandoned me, the pain of his absence and betrayal was etched on my bones.

It was the worst kind of hurt a person could feel—worse than all my family pain combined.

"You've never been to my house."

"Doesn't mean I don't know where you live."

"It's not the house I grew up in."

"I'm aware."

His eyes are heavy with meaning, with what looks like hunger. Maybe he wishes we were still touching, too.

I hand him my keys.

"Got any bandage wraps at your house, or should I grab some from the visitor center?"

"I actually need to go back to the store to close up."

"Can't your employee do that?"

"It's just that I've never—"

"Maybe you should try something a little different, Serena. Let the people who work for you do their jobs."

This is what Hadley complained about when she put in her notice. That I didn't give her the space to be independent. That I didn't trust she could do it. But what if they need me? What if something goes wrong?

"I know what that look on your face is."

"How could you possibly?"

"Because I know you."

"You don't—you know what, Cody? I need something from you. I know you don't want to tell me what happened all those years ago, but I need you to at least tell me that there wasn't someone else. That you didn't ditch me for another woman. Can you at least give me that?"

His eyes flare and suddenly he's surrounding me. One hand firmly planted on each side of my body, his sexy, scruffy face inches from mine, his intoxicating forest scent filling my nostrils.

"Don't you dare, for one moment, believe that anyone compares to you, Serena."

What?

His words ricochet through my mind, and every cell in my body is suddenly alight with heat. If there wasn't someone else, then what could have pulled him away from me? And if no one compares to me, why does he fight it? Fight us?

I want to search for something to count, to still my heart and mind, but I can't tear my eyes away from him. Two hungry eyes. One once-needy mouth. Two broad shoulders that loom over me and surround me with his strength. The same strength that protected me from Blake.

He stands upright and walks to the passenger door to unlock it.

I feel a part of me walk away with him. I don't know what to do with the battle inside of me.

I can't trust him. He hasn't earned it. But god I want to.

I want to let go of everything that is clenched up inside me, like a ball of hopelessly tangled wire.

I try to pick the pieces apart, try to find my center, or to find the safety box in my mind so I can find some semblance of peace.

But then Cody comes over and picks me up wedding night-style and places me in the seat, and his touch burns me all over again.

He rounds the car and gets behind the wheel.

We sit in silence, his confession and the feel of his touch hanging between us.

His hands are gripping the steering wheel, while mine are wrapped around my seat belt.

Where do we go from here? He just gave me a lifeline, but I don't trust that it will get me safely to shore.

I'm not sure I even know where that is anymore.

Not with him. Not after the last three days.

"So what's it going to be? Are you going to let your employee close the store, and maybe even call Meredith and tell her you're taking the night off of your official duties?

You know, you're the first mayor that has kept hours like that.

Everyone else just showed up to city council meetings and events. "

Retreat. He chose to retreat back to his corner. It's just as well. I was foolish to entertain thoughts that we could be something again.

"I don't want to be like other mayors. I want to do more. I have to do more. We need this as a town."

"Need what?"

"Unity. To have each other's back."

"You don't think we have that?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I feel so alone."

Cody reaches over to grab my hand, and then pulls it back before making contact. It's as if each time his body tries to touch me, his mind vetoes it unless it's necessary, proving I'm making the right choice to not get involved.

"You're not alone, Serena."

I want to believe him. I know that I have some good neighbors, and my parents are still alive, but I still feel alone.

I still feel like I have to figure it all out on my own.

At least I had Cody to help me today when I fell.

And maybe that's what we have evolved into.

People who occasionally help each other when they fall.

I help him with the park, and he helps me with my campaign.

"Thank you, Cody."

"For what?"

"For helping me today."

"Well, I feel responsible."

"You are. You are a lot of things. So even though there's still all of this stuff between us…thank you."

We pull out of the park and onto the highway leading back to downtown Owl Creek where I live, work, and serve.

And suddenly my world feels small. The only time I leave is to go on dates in Port Stratton or other nearby towns.

I don't go on vacation, I don't do anything outside of my routine and comfort zone.

He's right. I need to try something different, because right now doing the same thing over and over is getting me nowhere fast. Especially in my love life.

I pull out my cell phone and call the store, asking my employee to drop the cash in the safe, print out the sales totals, and lock up at 4pm. When I hang up I feel a rush in my body, sending shivers down my arms and legs. "That felt good."

A low chuckle erupts from his chest. "Yeah?"

"I'm going to call Meredith now."

When I get off the phone, I feel lighter. Almost as if I'm high. Like the spaces between the cells of my body have expanded.

"So what are you going to do with all this abundant time off?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll jump on the dating apps."

I swear I hear a soft growl vibrate in his chest. "I can't believe you use those."

"And you don't?"

"No. Never have, never will."

"Then how do you date? You certainly aren't seeing anyone in town."

"I don't."

"You don't what?"

"I don't date."

I'm not sure if I'm surprised or thrilled. Either way, thoughts are spinning around my head like a merry-go-round, but there is nothing I can do with that information. I try to remind my heart that this is a no-go zone.

"How often do you meet guys from the Internet?"

"You make it sound sordid."

"That's not an answer."

I shift my body to look at him, knowing he can't do the same because he's driving. I want to see his face while we talk about this.

"I've only met a few. Dinner, maybe a movie."

"So that's it?"

"Cody, why do you think that this is any of your business?"

Another low growl. Or maybe a grumble. "You brought it up."

"I simply told you what I might do with my day off laying on the couch because I sprained my ankle. You're the one who is turning this into an inquisition."

"It's hardly an inquisition. If it were, you'd be—you know what? Forget it."

"I don't want to forget it. I want you to tell me why you think this is your business."

"Because you're my business!"

I turn back to face forward, trying to calm my heart with my breath.

One red-tailed hawk perched in a tree. Three cedar saplings close to the road. Two dead bugs on my windshield.

We drive the rest of the way into town in silence.

When we pass Buzz's Garage, Cody's twin, Caleb is out front with a customer.

He waves, and then does a double take when he sees Cody driving my car.

I already know he's tapping on his cell phone with a text to his brother.

We turn the corner and drive down my street, pulling into the driveway.

Cody turns off the engine and we sit together. No words. No movement. One ping on his cell phone. Finally, he breaks the silence.

"I'll help you into the house. I can wrap that ankle properly. I'm well-trained in first aid."

I nod and undo my seat belt while he gets out and rounds the car.

He opens the door and reaches out his hand to help me up onto my good foot.

When I grasp his hand, the comfort of his touch reappears, sending a warm wave of tingles through my hand and down my arm.

But instead of relishing the feeling, it makes me want to cry.

This tug-of-war inside and between us is too much.

"Think I could hop on one foot? Don't want my neighbors getting any ideas."

"I can carry you."

"And when you are gone? Who's going to help me? I need to figure out how to move."

"I can stay."

There's tension between us. A rubber band pulled too tight.

"For how long, Cody? You and I both know that—"

"Is this about me leaving because I live at my own house, or leaving because you don't believe I'll stay to care for you? I told you, you aren't alone." His eyes are boring into me, searching for an answer that is stuck in my throat.

I think he will leave because that's what he does. And I'm not sure there's anything he can do to change my mind.

"Just, please let me do this."

With his help, I hobble to the front door and unlock it, feeling a pang of yearning for him to carry me over the threshold. To live the fantasy I've had since we were in the eighth grade. Yet again, I'm awash with sadness. No matter what, we're broken, and we will always be this way.