Page 14 of Wildly Yours (Owl Creek #3)

S erena's words are playing over in my mind as I drive back to the park.

It's hard to believe I acted gracefully.

I feel anything but that. I feel rough, angry, feral.

I feel like a caged animal most of the time, waiting for the moment to strike out.

But I could have struck out with Blake, and I didn't. No one would have blamed me, yet I kept my cool.

I did the impossible. Maybe I'm not as dangerous as I believe.

What is real? Which beliefs are a creation of my imagination?

Like a river tumbling rocks over its bed, I allow my mind to toss these ideas around. What has my imagination convinced me of?

***

I see Serena's car pull into the parking lot below the visitor center, so I shut down my computer and walk out to meet her.

She changed into a pair of jeans, a flannel, oilskin coat, and her hiking boots. It's hard to look away. She's warmth on a cold winter day and more than my eyes are drawn to her. My whole being is drawn to her—body, mind, and soul.

Despite the pull I feel towards her, keeping my cool with Blake today doesn't prove I can be safe enough for her, so I'm not even going to try to fix us.

And as soon as I have that thought, I know that not trying again doesn't square with me asking her to come up here.

I'm going to ignore my inconsistency for now, because the way I felt when I saw him yelling at her, the way I feel right now, is in no way compatible with keeping my distance.

I'll have to figure out how to keep away from her later because all I want is to walk these trails with her, to discover something new with her, even if it's just a gravestone.

"Ready to go grave hunting?"

"As ready as I'm going to be."

"I'm glad you came up."

"Cody, I…"

She looks away from me. The sun is peeking through the spruce and fir trees, dappling her face with light. Angelic . That's what flashes through my mind before I shove it away.

"I've got some water in my pack. Let's head out."

She trails behind me as we round the corner of the visitor center and catch the path up through fern, Salmonberry, and Kinnikinnick.

We walk for a few minutes in silence, but the air is thick between us.

We both know there is too much that is still unsaid.

Too much we are looking past to be here together right now.

"It's not too far of a walk."

"I don't mind. It's been too long since I came up here."

My feet plant firmly where I am and I look over my shoulder at her. "You don't come up here because of me."

"Question or comment?"

"Comment."

"You're right. But I'm not sure this is the moment to unpack all of that. Even though I want to. God, I want to."

Her hair has fallen in her eyes and I feel a pull in my gut to reach out and tuck it behind her ear, but I don't. I don't dare move any way but forward.

But are we really moving forward if I keep my silence?

We start walking again, reaching a tiny shed where I store a lot of the trail management tools. I unlock it and grab a shovel, pruners, and shears. I'm not sure what we're going to be working on when we get to the spot located on the map. It's been a while since I've trekked up that way.

I pocket the pruners and toss the shovel and shears across my shoulder.

"Want me to carry anything?"

"Naw. Just keep enough distance that if I trip, you're not going to be impaled on this shovel."

"That's super comforting Cody."

"I'm trying to keep it real, Serena."

"Is that what you do? Keep it real?"

I turn back to look at her, sensing something brewing underneath her smiles and sunshine.

"I thought you said this wasn't the moment to unpack everything."

"It's not. But…why am I here?"

"You tell me. Why did you come?"

"No. You aren't doing that. You aren't turning this around. We haven't talked in seven years, then you waltz into my store three days ago and now we're spending time together like we're still in high school and you're my…"

Her face is glistening with the lightest sheen of sweat. I'm sure she thinks it's gross, but I find it sexy as hell.

"I'm your what?"

"Damnit, Cody!"

"You're a part of this little mystery. I thought you'd want to find this piece of the puzzle with me. Just like when we were kids and we'd go looking for plants and birds."

"But we aren't kids."

I walk back down the trail until I'm toe to toe with her. "Sometimes I like to imagine that we still are. Because my life was still mine then. I still had hope then."

"What—what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I know this is weird. I know by all accounts we shouldn't be up here together, looking for an old man's gravestone for no reason other than to honor the wishes of his dead wife.

But we are. You and me. Again. And yes, Serena, we have to talk.

But not now. Right now I want to walk this trail with you like old times.

Because you comfort me. Your presence is a balm for my soul.

For my heart. My wild, terrified heart."

She fingers the hem of her coat. "Terrified?"

I nod and continue to stand toe to toe with her, not wanting to move, but knowing we have to. Knowing that no matter what, we can't go back to the way things were.

"I don't want to push it, but I don't want to let that go. Why are you terrified?"

There's something familiar in her eyes. Longing. Sadness. The same thing I saw the night I walked away from her to go find my father. The night I left behind my innocence. The night I took hers.

"What if I promise you that when the time is right, I'll tell you that, and everything else. I'm not ready. Not in this moment. Not here."

She nods and I turn back up the trail. We walk for a few minutes in silence before I hear one of my favorite birds calling.

"Is that the Northern Flicker?"

My chest tingles a little. "You remembered."

"I remember everything, Cody."

I don't dare turn back to look at her. I don't have the strength to keep the distance I need to keep from her if I look at her right now. Because I remember everything too, and it all involves Serena.

We crest a rocky outcrop and I pull out the hand drawn map.

The grave should be just up ahead, and I tell her as much.

But this area is covered in dense brush and ground cover, and I worry we have a lot of digging work to do.

We take several steps through the brush and find a small area in the center of the overgrowth that is more clear than the rest. Likely there is little soil here.

I use the shovel to clear out a few spots when Serena calls out from my right.

She's on her hands and knees, and has scraped the moss away from a piece of stone. I help her pull away some plants that are covering it, and we see that it's a headstone that has fallen over.

Serena kneels while I lift it, and together we stand it back up after digging into the soil a bit. Then we clear out the area around it so that it is obviously a gravesite.

"Now what?"

"Now I know where it is, so I can make sure we tend to it. I want to honor his wife's wishes, even though there aren't any living family members in the area. I might be the only person who will come up here to visit this grave."

"If she had him buried here, he must have loved this land. And you love this land. So I think it's just fine if you are the only one to visit him."

She dusts off her hands and picks up the shears.

"Should we clear it a little more just in case?"

"Knock yourself out. Seems like you need more outdoor time. When was the last time you went on a hike?"

"You mean besides today?"

"Yeah."

"Years."

"Fishing? Hunting?"

"Years. My dad brings me a bit of deer meat here and there, but it's usually just enough to remind me that I haven't been out in the woods in a long time.

Hey, wait! We need a picture of you here for our community blog.

It's the perfect feel good story. Park Ranger finds long forgotten grave of Park Founder. "

Serena pulls out her cell phone and directs me where to stand. She backs up a couple feet to get a better view, and just as she's framing the photo, she trips over the damn shovel and falls on her ass.

"Ouch, oh crap!"

She wraps her hands around her ankle as tears break through her lashes.

I fall to her side, and gently pull her hands away so I can take a peek.

"Think you sprained it?"

"It was a nasty twist I just did."

"I stupidly left my first aid kit back at the visitor center. I'm going to grab a few things to stabilize it."

"Are you hiking back down there?"

"No. I'm not leaving you up here by yourself. I'm going to grab some pieces of wood. Hang on."

I push through the brush and back toward the shed. Along the way I find some soft wood I can cut with my Bowie knife. I grab a few pieces and then head back her way, just as the noise from the mining operation kicks up a notch.

"Wow. That really is noisy. I can see why you're going to all this trouble looking for a way to put a stop to that."

"It is. Now, this isn't going to be pretty, but it should work." I cut two pieces of wood down to fit on either side of her ankle, then pull off my coat and hoodie, stripping off my Henley so I'm down to my t-shirt.

"Um, what are you doing?"

"Making some binding cloth."

I strip off my t-shirt and put my Henley back on.

Then I cut the t-shirt into long strips, so I can tie the wood to her ankle.

She's not going to need to walk on it, but I don't want her twisting it anymore if she bumps into anything on the way back down the hill.

Once my makeshift splint is ready, I put my hoodie and coat back on, sheath my knife, and then get up to a kneeling position.

"You ready?"

"I don't think I can walk on it, even with your brilliant surgical skills."

"You won't have to. I'm going to carry you."

Serena's eyes pop open wide. "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm carrying you. I can come back up to get the tools tomorrow morning. And I'll ask one of the volunteers to come up with me to get your blog picture."

"Cody I really don't think—"

"No arguments, Mayor. I drug you up here, now I'm carrying you down. The only question is, piggy back, potato sack, or wedding night style?"

"Uh…um…what?"

"How do you want me to carry you?"

"Those were my options?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking piggy back but I thought I'd give you a choice."

Her face is flushed, and considering the temperature is cooling off now that the sun is lower in the sky, I can only assume it's because of me.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to enjoy this a little bit.