Page 23 of Wildest Forever (Lovelock Bay #3)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

PACEY

N ever had a boyfriend.

Never been in a relationship.

My blood rushes around my body, I feel it burning through my veins.

I love the fact that she has never had a boyfriend, that she will be mine and only mine.

I have no idea if this marriage will work. I have no idea if she wants to make it work.

But, I didn't tell one lie downstairs.

I did want to be honest with her, wanted to try and make this work.

Sure, this is not what I wanted out of my life, and I swore off women and just would have focused on myself but then she happened.

A bright ball of sunshine pulling me in.

She caught my attention at the wedding when she rode in on her horse, and then again in Randy's.

I wouldn't say there was an instant attraction but there was enough to keep me interested.

She gave off a certain air about her.Confidence seeped out of her, but yet here, with me in her home, she isn't like that at all.

She's pure.

Sweet.

Caring.

But it seems she needs me maybe more than she wants to admit.

Inhaling heavily, I shut the faucet off to the shower and step out, wrapping my towel around my waist and rough drying my hair with a spare towel.

I take time brushing and drying it then clean my teeth.

Tiredness pricked behind my eyes and I knew I needed to get an early night.I had a lot to deal with and I needed to make a start on looking into what caused the explosion. I kind of buried it at the back of my mind.

Didn't want to deal with it after the wedding, and then the weeks slipped past and now, here we are, over a month away and I still haven't looked into it.

I needed to.

But I think it runs deeper than just the explosion.

Things with my dad are still so raw, I am mad at him, but so in awe of him at the same time.

Anger coats my skin in a shiver but I shake it off.

He didn't leave any of us alone, us Riveras stick together and my mom has her three boys around her at her beck and call.

I needed to put my focus on finding out who did it, needed to find these suits and shut them down once and for all.

There was no way they were going to continue trying to buy Lovelock Bay. There is no way in hell that I will let them close to Rivera Ranch or Cottonwheel.

They can declare a war and I will gladly suit up and go to fucking war.

I will not have them threaten to take away my family's legacy.

We've had enough hurt between all of us, I will not be the reason for more.

Pacing back into my room, I push the door slightly and dress in cotton pyjama pants and a tee.

Hanging my towels to dry, I lay on my bed, arm behind my head as I cross my feet at my ankles.

I let my mind wander back to the last six months.

Austin getting framed for Clay's death.

That one plummeted me into a darkness that I never thought I would climb out of.

To see your best friend be thrown to the wolves for something he didn't do and watching him slowly crumble into nothing was hard.

But of course, we proved his innocence. It was a little too late, the depression sunk in and I turned to drink.

My mom and dad were worried about me, but at that point, I didn't care about anyone else apart from myself.

And that was so fucking selfish of me.

Riggs tried. Tripp tried.

Fuck, even Aspen tried.

I just couldn't get a grip on it.

The day I walked through the door drunk, telling Riggs it was all his fault with Austin, well, that was a new low.

I never meant a word of it, but it was easier to hurl my anger at him than it was at anyone else.

We were all involved that night.

We were all there and knew that we put him in the back of the truck.

But then it seems a few others ended up having a hand in his death.

No one wanted him to die.

He wasn't a bad guy in truth, just a greedy businessman who wanted to take what was ours.

But I think what gutted us all the most when we found out was that Lainey now didn't have her dad.

Sure, she has Tripp, she will never know different, but half of her is gone.

She'll never get that chance to meet the man whose blood pumps through her veins.

And that is on all of us in a way.But it was also on Kelcie, Lucian and Clay’s brother. They murdered him instead of getting him help.

They're rotting away behind bars now.

We just had to find the rest of the fuckers.

My mind is filled with the day of Clay's funeral. It was a stupid idea to think that nothing was going to happen.

We were the gasoline to an already out of control fire, yet we didn't stop.

The screams still haunt me.

My screams still haunt me.

I was so consumed with making sure my brothers were okay that when I saw Harlow fall to the floor, I took my eye off them for a split second and that's when the bullet seared into my skin, sinking into my stomach and I swear I thought I was going to die next to Harlow.

I remember when I looked around, Austin was on his knees. Tripp was on the floor, leg crushed by his dead horse.

I screamed for my dad.

In that moment, I was transported back to being just a boy who needed his dad. I remember watching through tear filled eyes as he had to decide between me or Tripp.

Dixie switched out with my dad, cradling my brother’s head as my dad rushed over to me and did all he could to help.

I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes, the piercing ringing in my ears was deafening and anything my dad was saying was silent.

I couldn't focus on anything but the sound of my heart racing in my chest, pounding against my ribcage.

Fear was not something that ever paralysed me, but on that day, I was trapped in a body and I couldn’t do anything about it.

It felt like hours had passed when in fact it was seconds before I blacked out.

Next thing I knew, I was in hospital, bandage wrapped around my torso then told all over again that Harlow had died, Tripp had sustained injuries and the men that murdered our friend in broad daylight got away.

I always vowed I would hunt them down and torture them.

But that revenge plan soon settled down, and I put my energy into fixing myself back up.

I'm getting there, I know I am.

Some nights I fall into a peaceful slumber and for those hours, my mind is quiet, and I don't dream.Others, I am waking in sweat, heart thrashing, throat dry waking up from a nightmare.

It's always the same.

Back at the funeral.

But everyone dies.

And just when the gun is lifted and locked on me, they shoot, the bullet hits my skin and just as the searing pain rots through my skin, I wake up.

It doesn't matter how much I try and keep a positive mind, the dreams still come and they haunt me. I am just praying that one day they'll stop and I can move on from that part of my life, but not forgetting a single detail.

My chest vibrates as I exhale a heavy breath and then I feel the ache radiate through it.Turning on my side, my eyes pin to the door and I am silently willing for her to walk past.

No idea why.

I know there could be something between us, but I don't know if I can let myself fall.

I know I shouldn't compare her to Aspen, but I do.

And it's so fucking annoying because I don't feel for Aspen in that way at all.

She was another piece of my life from the past, but maybe it's because I haven't found anyone like her.

Then again, she still broke my heart the same time she broke Riggs'.

I gave her every part of me and she dangled me until I was of no use, yet I still craved something from her, but I didn't know what.

I had her friendship, I always had it.

She was finally with the man she loved, the man it has always been and I couldn't even be mad. Her and Riggs were soulmates.

I knew that. Damn, everyone knew that.

My stomach knots.

I hear the sound of footsteps in the hallway and I find myself holding my breath.

They stop for a moment and disappointment settles in my stomach but then I hear them again, and this time they get closer.

I see her shadow on the floor, and I find myself sitting up and waiting.

Her head pops around and I give her a lopsided smile.

“I just wanted to...” she trails off for a moment, hovering in the doorway.

I wait for her to speak the words. I didn't want to interrupt her.

“Well,” she knots her fingers. “I just wanted to thank you for opening up a little... it was nice to hear.”

I nod softly.

I could say so much more, but then again, I didn't want to burden her with the shit that was going on in my life.

Silence creeps around the room and I have to stop myself from pushing to my feet and scooping her pretty face into my hands, dust my lips over hers and make her mine.

But she isn't there.

Neither am I.

She would just be a rebound maybe? A little fun before I got bored and moved onto the next girl.

I suppose I had a bit of a reputation, picking girls up then never contacting them again.

I was always a sucker for a blonde.

I didn't want to have that with Morgan. I wanted to get to know her, develop our friendship and see what this could become.

We could fizzle out into nothing, just stay platonic until we both agreed that the ranch was safe and so was she.

Or we could have a whirlwind romance and fall head over heels.

I don't see it being the latter, even though there is a slither of hope in me that this could become more... but I don't want to get my hopes up.

I don't want to hold onto something that is a complete fabrication of my mind.

“Well, goodnight,” she says softly, and I wish her a goodnight before she closes my door and I am alone again.

My alarm screams at me and I groan as I hit the snooze button.

I didn't sleep great.

Took me ages to drift off, and when I did, my mind was plagued with nightmares.

Hated it.

Forcing my eyes open, I let them pin to the ceiling and I am already wanting to be back in bed.

After five minutes, I find myself pushing from the bed. Walking quietly over to the bathroom, I wash my face, brush my teeth then move back to my room to get dressed.