Page 6 of Why I Kissed You (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Pushing to her feet, Elizabeth rubbed her hands together and paced away from Darcy.

“Miss Bennet, are you well?” he asked again.

She was, in fact, struggling to hold back tears. Elizabeth did not wish him to see how affected she was and worked to regain command of herself before she spoke.

“I am…” She paused and drew a ragged breath. “Pray forgive me, Mr. Darcy. I am for once without a coherent thought.”

A sound suspiciously like a chuckle caused her to turn back to him with an exasperated expression. Darcy sobered at once. “In no fashion do I mean to make fun,” said he. “I just could never have imagined hearing you essentially describe yourself as empty-headed.”

“What?” said she, and then it dawned on her that her words could well be interpreted that way. Elizabeth could not hold in her embarrassed giggle any more than he had.

“I am quite overwhelmed at the moment, Mr. Darcy,” she said when she had settled herself again on the fallen tree.

“I am glad to have the truth of Mr. Wickham and also ashamed of my own conduct in regard to him. I am honoured by your confidence in me as regards your sister—you can be certain of my discretion there—and yet I find myself wondering how, seeing what effect such a disappointment has surely had on her, you would so willingly bring a similar disappointment on another young lady?”

Elizabeth watched Darcy’s expression flicker between emotions. “I have explained why I acted as I did. ”

“And as you also stated, your motives appear to me as insufficient,” said Elizabeth.

“Jane loved Mr. Bingley—she still loves him. When he did not return to Hertfordshire, when his sister intimated in a letter that there would soon be a marriage between him and Miss Darcy, her heart was broken. You grossly mistook modesty for indifference and justify your mistake by claiming to be doing your friend a good service. You then further excuse your actions by reminding me of the improprieties of our family. Do you think me ignorant of their faults? I assure you, sir, that I have long been aware of them. Along with my sister Jane, I have tried to bring what order to their conduct I can, but frankly it is not for us to be mother to our sisters while ours still lives. All Jane and I can do is our very best; the rest even we are forced to ignore for the sake of our equanimity.”

She tilted her head as she looked up at him.

“Can you honestly say that there is no one in your own family whose behaviour gives you pain? In my experience there is such a person in every family. But then, I suppose in yours it is acceptable to be insolent and insulting because they are rich and nobly connected.”

That Elizabeth spoke of his aunt she did not think could be any clearer, save for speaking the lady’s name aloud.

Although she no longer felt any desire to hurt him for what he had done to Jane, she could not help herself pointing out that she was not alone in being forced to endure untenable relatives.

At least he did not have to live with his…

Darcy’s eyes widened in surprise at her words and his jaw clenched, but he did not refute her claim.

Suppressing a smile over this small victory, she sighed and said, “Tell me, Mr. Darcy, how would you have explained yourself to Mr. Bingley had I accepted you?”

His eyebrows drew together. “How do you mean?”

“I mean how were you going to explain to him that it was not right that he should marry my sister, but it was perfectly acceptable for you to ignore every reason you gave against their match to marry me?” Elizabeth pressed.

“I…” Darcy sighed and looked away from her. “I do not know. I confess I had not thought so far ahead as that. I only knew that I could no longer deny that I had…”

His gaze returned to her, then he looked away again in the direction from which they had come. “I daresay you do not desire a repetition of my sentiments.”

Elizabeth could not then say what she desired or did not.

The compliment to herself and Jane, such as it had been, was not unfelt.

It soothed the sting of hearing her family’s conduct so spoken of, in tones of such mortifying—yet admittedly merited—reproach.

The justice of the charge against them struck her too forcibly for denial, and her sense of shame in that quarter was severe.

Elizabeth reflected on how materially the credit of herself and Jane must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct and began to feel depressed beyond anything she had ever known before.

However, the two of them having been singled out as models of virtuous conduct did nothing to alleviate the contempt which she felt two-fold: that the very virtue which was in her sister so prized was also to condemn her, and that the conduct of their relations had greatly contributed to her misery.

“I… I begin to think, perhaps, that I have been from home too long,” Elizabeth said then, and rising, she started to walk back towards the parsonage. Darcy surprised her by choosing to remain in her company, as he immediately fell into step at her side.

They walked in silence. Elizabeth’s mind was now too full of aggravation and confusion to make her at all inclined to conversation, and Darcy seemed likewise reflective.

She wondered if his thoughts in any way mirrored her own, for all she could seem to think on was the proposal of last night, the kiss, and the revelations of that morning.

She did not agree that he had been right to convince Mr. Bingley to give up on Jane even as she was forced to accept that his opinion of the rest of her family was justified.

She also could not fathom how she had been so incredibly foolish as to believe in Mr. Wickham’s claims without any form of proof.

She still could hardly believe that Mr. Darcy, of all the men of her acquaintance, had asked her to marry him!

That he was in love with her—or had been.

After all, she had severely disappointed his hopes.

It was, perhaps, certain that his regard had not entirely been done away with by her refusal, but nor could it be as strong as it had been only the day before.

Not after she had abused him so abominably.

Then why kiss me? she wondered. I simply can’t understand why he kissed me … or why I kissed him .

Oh, what a fool she was! In her mind he had not been a gentleman, but neither had she been much of a lady. It was as difficult to admit this to herself as it had been to accept how much her family’s conduct was also responsible for Jane’s disappointment.

Elizabeth and Darcy were nearing the parsonage when movement at the door caught her eye.

A trunk had been set outside; the Collins’s man-of-all-work was then carrying out another.

Charlotte stood watching this with a handkerchief in her hand, and it looked as though she were weeping.

Increasing her pace, Elizabeth hurried to her friend’s side to console her, only just realizing as she stopped next to Charlotte that the trunks were her own.

“Charlotte, what is this?” she asked. “Why are my trunks here waiting?”

A horrible thought struck her, and she took hold of Charlotte’s arm in renewed agitation. “Please Charlotte, tell me what has happened! Have you heard some dreadful news of my family? Is my mother or father ill, or my sisters?”

Charlotte sniffled as she shook her head, her eyes widening as she took in the presence of Mr. Darcy. “No, Lizzy, it is not your family. It… It is you.”

Elizabeth straightened her posture. “Me? My dear Charlotte, I completely fail to understand you.”

“Mrs. Collins,” said Darcy in a low yet commanding tone, “pray tell us what has happened.”

Charlotte looked between them. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she explained, in halting sentences, that she’d been given instruction to turn Elizabeth out of the house for “scandalously unladylike conduct.” Mr. Collins’s note, delivered by a Rosings footman, said that such a person could not be allowed to remain under his roof while his wife’s unmarried sister was in residence.

Elizabeth’s astonishment could not be greater. “ What? ” was all the reply she could then muster.

Darcy stepped closer. “Was this alleged misconduct detailed, Mrs. Collins? What does the witness say Miss Bennet has done?”

Charlotte’s gaze flickered between them again, then she said, “The note stated that my husband had it on good authority that Lizzy was seen attempting to compromise you yesterday, sir… while we were at tea.”

The kiss . Someone had witnessed that completely unexpected kiss. Oh, if only they had also overheard Mr. Darcy proposing to her—that alone would explain why they were kissing!

Elizabeth felt her chest constrict. Perhaps someone had heard—but not only Darcy’s proposal.

Whoever it was that had witnessed their impropriety afterward surely had also heard her vehement refusal.

They must have assumed she had thrown herself at Darcy in a fit of regret and had kissed him to assure him she had spoken in error.

But who? They had been alone in the parlor.

But not the house , she reminded herself dejectedly.

The Collinses had but four servants, and any one of them could have observed herself and Darcy through a window.

This servant had apparently spoken to their master, who naturally reported all to Lady Catherine.

She, no doubt, was the true instigator of the plan to turn Elizabeth out, as her cousin was too much a buffoon to take such an idle report seriously.

This would not prevent him telling his patroness what the servant alleged to have seen, however, and being determined to secure her nephew as a husband for her daughter, Lady Catherine had prompted Mr. Collins to remove what she now perceived as a threat to her ambition.