Page 5 of Why I Kissed You (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

“Allow me to speculate that you were the only person with whom he shared this confidence until after I’d left Netherfield?

” When Elizabeth nodded, Darcy snorted softly.

“I am not surprised. When it was still possible that I might refute his claims and prove him a liar, he limited the number of his confidantes to one, then my absence—and ability to both blacken his character and defend my own—loosened his tongue. Nor does it surprise me he was as violent in his abuse of me to others as in his reproaches to myself. You will hardly blame me, in light of this knowledge, for refusing to comply with his entreaty, or for resisting every repetition of it.”

“N-no, sir, I cannot,” Elizabeth confessed. “I… Four thousand pounds gone in only three years… How can anyone be so irresponsible?”

Darcy drew a breath and said, “Though I have thus far said enough, I think, to acquit me of wrongdoing in regard to Mr. Wickham, I have more to say that will completely open his real character to you.”

Unable to think of what other lies she had foolishly believed that might be revealed as such, Elizabeth wordlessly gestured for Darcy to continue.

Her mortification at having believed Wickham’s claims, so inappropriately communicated to a person he had only just met, paled immeasurably in comparison to the horror she felt on hearing how—in league with Miss Darcy’s former companion—Wickham had pursued the much younger girl to Ramsgate, where she had been taken on holiday.

Darcy was to join her there but had been delayed, so Wickham had availed himself of the opportunity to attach himself to her and persuade Georgiana Darcy that she was in love with him, and that they ought to elope to Scotland.

Darcy, his business concluded earlier than expected, went on to Ramsgate without sending word of his coming and thus arrived before the day of the planned elopement.

Georgiana, unable to support the idea of grieving and offending a brother whom she looked up to as almost a father, acknowledged the whole at once.

“You may imagine what I felt and how I acted. Regard for my sister’s credit and feelings prevented any public exposure; but I wrote to Mr. Wickham, who left the place immediately, and Mrs. Younge was of course removed from her charge.

Mr. Wickham’s chief object was unquestionably my sister’s fortune, which is thirty thousand pounds; but I cannot help supposing that the hope of revenging himself on me was a strong inducement.

His revenge would have been complete indeed, and my sister’s happiness ruined forever. ”

Elizabeth felt herself unequal to making any reply; indeed, she found herself feeling rather ill. How could she have been so very blind?

“Miss Bennet, are you well? You’ve gone rather pale,” said Darcy then, and the concern in his voice—that he could even feel concern for her after all that had passed between them—only served to heighten her agitation.

“Come,” said Darcy, taking her gently by the elbow. “Come, you must sit down.”

He guided her over to a fallen tree at the side of the path, and Elizabeth sat upon it with a shaky breath. “I… I had no idea he was…”

She looked up at him. “And this is a faithful narrative?” she asked, then instantly feared that she had offended him further by asking—why would he have involved his sister in the tale if any part of it was false?

Darcy nodded grimly. “You will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of cruelty towards Mr. Wickham. His success in deceiving you is not to be wondered at, ignorant as you previously were of everything concerning us both. Detection could not be in your power, and suspicion certainly not in your inclination. ”

“No,” she replied with a mirthless chuckle. “No, my inclination was to be happy in having found someone who disliked you as much as I did.”

Elizabeth looked up at him again. “Why did you not tell me all of this last night?”

“In light of the vexation I felt at your rejection of my offer and the manner in which it was delivered—as well as my utter confusion as to what had motivated me to kiss you—I was not then master enough of myself to know what could or ought to be revealed. However, for the truth of all this, I can appeal particularly to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who, from our near relationship and constant intimacy, and still more as one of the executors of my father’s will, has been unavoidably acquainted with every particular of these transactions.

If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless—”

Elizabeth quickly held up her hand. “No, sir, that I could not… that is… I must confess that when you asked to speak with me, I had had no idea at all what you might say. And now I am so overcome with my own feelings that I at present know not what to say myself, except to own how blind, partial, prejudiced, and absurd I have been.”

In fact, she was quickly growing absolutely ashamed of herself.

How despicably have I acted! she cried silently.

I, who have prided myself on my discernment!

I, who have valued myself on my abilities!

Oh, why did I not listen to Jane? Why did I disdain her advice to me?

How humiliating is this discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation!

Had I been in love, I could not have been more wretchedly blind.

But vanity, not love, has been my folly.

Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away where either were concerned .

“Until this moment, I never knew myself,” she whispered.