Page 18 of Why I Kissed You (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

That evening , all through dinner—much to the chagrin of her husband—Mrs. Gardiner talked of all the things a lady should buy for her trousseau. Elizabeth had imagined a few new dresses and underclothes, but oh, how very wrong she was!

“Lizzy, my dear,” said her aunt with a laugh, “that might well have done were you to wed a clerk of either of your uncles, but you are to be the wife of Mr. Darcy! You must not only have more clothes, but you must also have the best .”

Mrs. Gardiner had gone on to discuss gowns for morning calls, for walking, for balls, for dinners…

She talked of riding habits, bonnets, gloves…

Dancing shoes, walking shoes, half boots…

Elizabeth was lost somewhere around the different types of hats she would have to buy, and her head spun with the sheer number of things her aunt said they would need to order.

Who would have thought that a young lady would have reason to purchase more than thirty pocket handkerchiefs at one time?

After dinner, Mrs. Gardiner wrote a list of everything she believed to be essential—using the front and back of the paper—and included the quantities of each, along with the projected cost. Elizabeth thought her eyes might burst, so great was her astonishment.

“Upon my word, Aunt, this is outrageous!” she cried. “I cannot spend nearly three hundred pounds on wedding clothes—that is almost a quarter of my father’s income!”

“My dear niece,” spoke up Mr. Gardiner, when he had perused the list, “far be it for me to suggest taking advantage of anyone—least of all the man with whom you will spend your life—but you did say Mr. Darcy was providing the funds for your trousseau as a wedding gift, and given his income, he can certainly afford for you to select higher quality materials and greater quantities of the things you will need. Indeed, I daresay a man in his position will expect you to spend a great deal of money.”

“You must also remember, Lizzy,” added Jane, “that you will be residing in Derbyshire, where the winters are much colder than in Meryton. You will certainly have need of all those flannel and wool things.”

Suppressing a groan, Elizabeth acquiesced with great reluctance, resigning herself to spending the whole of the next day shopping for three hundred pounds’ worth of clothes and household items for the first year of her marriage.

When at last the topic of conversation changed to something other than wedding clothes, Elizabeth announced her desire to take a turn about the garden.

“It’s dark out now, Lizzy. Take a lantern or candle with you,” said her uncle.

Elizabeth smiled her thanks and headed toward the kitchen.

There she asked a maid for a candle before she went out to the Gardiners’ small garden.

Her aunt had planted roses and lilacs, and as Elizabeth had a fondness for the latter, after completing a circuit of the grassy space, she sat herself down on the bench that sat between two fragrant bushes, placing the candle carefully beside her.

It was thus that Jane found her a few minutes later. “Lizzy, is everything all right?”

Elizabeth looked up and smiled. “Quite all right, Jane. Why do you ask?”

Jane sat down beside her. “Pray forgive me if I pain you, but… you do not strike me as a woman who is overjoyed to be marrying the man she loves.”

She ought to have known that Jane would see through her facade—she’d always been able to read Elizabeth’s emotions better than Elizabeth could read hers. Unable to help the scoff that escaped her, she said, “Am I that obvious? Does my aunt or uncle suspect something amiss?”

“No, you’ve quite fooled them. But you cannot fool me,” Jane replied.

Glancing over at her sister and seeing real concern there along with a desire to offer comfort, Elizabeth decided she could be honest with her, at least in part. She did not think Jane ready to hear of Darcy’s duplicity as regarded Mr. Bingley, but she could tell her all that related to Wickham.

Jane was astonished to hear of Wickham’s blackness of character. “He had such an appearance of goodness!” she cried at one point.

“Yes—one has all the goodness, and the other the appearance of it,” Elizabeth agreed. “Do you think we should make his character known to our neighbours in Meryton?”

Jane shook her head. “I cannot think it reasonable to do so and ruin any good prospects he may have. Do you think he may be wishing to reform his character?”

Elizabeth shook her head. “Something tells me no—after all, look how eagerly he talked of Mr. Darcy’s supposed betrayal when he and the Bingleys had gone.

He who said he would not harm the son out of respect for the father.

And you did warn me I was wrong to so warmly accept his story as truth, knowing him so little. I am sorry I did not listen to you.”

“Well, you have learned your lesson—listen to the wisdom of your elder sister,” said Jane with a chuckle.

“Besides,” added Elizabeth. “Mr. Darcy has not authorized me to share what he said as regards his sister—I am sure I was meant to keep that to myself, but I know I can trust your discretion.”

“Of course, you can,” said Jane. After a moment, she looked to Elizabeth pointedly. “But that does not explain why you have agreed to marry a man you once professed to despise.”

Elizabeth could not bring herself to look her sister in the eye, and instead focused on the matching bench across the garden. “I was wrong about him in so many ways,” she began. “In Kent, he was nothing but kind to me. And even after we argued—”

“You argued!” Jane cried. “About what?”

Elizabeth sighed. She would have to explain about Bingley after all, it seemed—her mistaken opinion of Mr. Wickham was not reason enough to have refused Darcy’s offer, and she knew Jane would say so.

Drawing a deep, fortifying breath, she explained the whole—from learning of Darcy’s involvement in the separation of his friend from her sister to the disastrous proposal, from thence to the explanation he had given only that morning for everything.

“Which I still do not agree with in the least!” she declared, before concluding her recitation of events with what they had decided at the Bell in Bromley .

It was now Jane who for some moments was silent as she looked across the garden. She rather shocked Elizabeth when at last she spoke, saying, “He was right.”

“Right?! Jane, how can you say such a thing?” Elizabeth cried.

Jane looked to her with a sad smile. “Lizzy, think about it. Had I displayed my regard for Mr. Bingley more openly, Mr. Darcy would not then have had reason to think me indifferent.”

“But Jane, you know as well as I what society expects of a well-bred young lady,” Elizabeth countered.

“She is not supposed to openly display her preference until the gentleman has made his clear—and all due respect to Mr. Bingley, but that he paid you marked attention does not equate a declaration. He liked you, yes—we all saw that. But had he asked for your hand? Had he even asked for a formal courtship?”

Elizabeth knew Jane could not say he had. “Does it then signify that he loved me, Lizzy?” Jane mused. “That he did not speak, even to ask for courtship, surely means that his own regard was not strong enough to take that step.”

She sighed. “I admit that I loved him, and I still do. It hurt me deeply that he did not come back to Netherfield, not even to verify if what his friend and sisters told him was true.”

“Do you know what that tells me, Jane?” said Elizabeth.

“That he was heartbroken to think he was wrong about you, and they were right. It tells me Mr. Bingley could not bear to see you again if you really were indifferent to him. Granted, I wish he’d not allowed them to convince him of it to begin with—and he ought certainly to have returned in order to determine the veracity of their claims—but I am sure that is why he did not come back. ”

“Perhaps,” Jane said. She then looked to her with a sober expression. “Lizzy, are you certain you should marry Mr. Darcy under these circumstances? I concede there was some degree of compromise—you kissed, yes, but neither of you can verify that Mr. Collins’ servant even saw it.”

Elizabeth shrugged. “What other explanation can there be?” she said. “Someone observing Mr. Darcy and I having a conversation is hardly reason for Lady Catherine to accuse me of ‘scandalously unladylike conduct’ or ‘impudent character and loose morals.’”

She sighed. “Even had we not been seen, the fact that there was a kiss at all… I think Mr. Darcy would have renewed his offer, in time. His character would not have allowed him to deny he had taken liberties, and in his mind, marriage would be the only way to make th e situation right.”

“An admirable quality in a gentleman,” Jane pointed out.

“Perhaps,” Elizabeth said.

“Elizabeth,” said Jane, drawing her attention as she rarely used her full name. “I have long been of the opinion that your view of Mr. Darcy would improve on closer acquaintance, have I not?” Elizabeth nodded. “And do you not now think differently of him?”

“I recognize that I misjudged him, Jane—”

“He renewed his offer of marriage for the purpose of protecting you from his aunt’s retaliation, did he not?”

“Not precisely,” Elizabeth countered with a wry grin. “More like I rescinded my rejection in order to protect my sisters.”

“But he did not have to accept your change of mind, Lizzy. No doubt his pride was wounded by the method of your rejection, yet he was the one who suggested you marry anyway. Was he not?”

Elizabeth sighed again. “I suppose he was. What is your point, Jane?”