Page 24 of Why I Kissed You (Pride and Prejudice Variation)
No words passed between them as Darcy led Elizabeth the short distance to the library.
She wondered what sort of books a proud, superior man of sense and education would keep in his home and recalled his saying one evening at Netherfield that the library at Pemberley—which Caroline Bingley had simpered about in attempt to gain his notice—had been the work of generations.
On stepping into the library, Elizabeth saw that candles already burned. “You were expecting to come in here this evening?” she queried.
Darcy lifted one corner of his mouth. “Not particularly. However, this room is regularly lit in the evening for convenience as both my sister and I very much enjoy reading.”
“’Tis a fair-sized room, sir—the whole of my father’s book room could fit in here with space to spare,” observed Elizabeth as she wandered over to the wall of books opposite the fireplace.
“At risk of sounding arrogant,” he began, drawing her attention back to him, “all this—” He gestured to indicate the books around them.
“—is nothing to the library at Pemberley. There are perhaps eight hundred volumes here, many of these copies of beloved favorites that we have also in the country, but we’ve nearly six thousand books in Derbyshire.
If you never purchase another book again, I daresay you will still never be without something to read. ”
Elizabeth, who could not imagine seeing so many books in one place, laughed lightly. “That is quite a boast, Mr. Darcy. I believe I shall look forward to testing the theory. ”
Darcy scoffed. “You will buy more books, I am sure.”
She only grinned in response to his words and turned back to peruse the spines of the books nearest where she stood. Elizabeth had found a shelf of novels and reached for the first volume of Camilla just as Darcy spoke again.
“Elizabeth, do I rightly presume that you have spoken with your sister about Bingley being kept from discovering her presence in town?”
Elizabeth stifled a sigh and turned around slowly. “Pray do not be angry with me—I promise you it was beyond my desire to pain her more than she already had been, or to expose you to her censure. In truth, for your willingness to right the wrong you did even if you still do not think you acted so—”
“On the contrary,” Darcy interjected. “When I saw Miss Bennet at Gracechurch Street last evening and observed the change in her person, I was struck with the full truth of how wrong I was to interfere. Bingley’s entirely justified anger rather confirmed how I might well have been within my rights to have offered my opinion, but not to have exploited his weakness of judgment.
I have offered Bingley my sincerest apologies and will offer them to your sister when able. ”
“It is very noble of you to be so generous, but I would advise you to give Jane another day or so to allow her temper to abate,” Elizabeth said.
“Do not again mistake her composure for serenity. She did agree with your assessment of her appearing so tranquil in spirit that she could only be believed indifferent but believe me when I say that she is angry with you and with Mr. Bingley’s sisters. ”
“May I ask why you told her?”
“My acting skills may have been sufficient to convince my aunt and uncle that I am pleased to be marrying you, but Jane saw beyond the veil. And because I am always loath to lie to her, I told her the full truth of your proposal and the disagreement that followed my refusal.” Elizabeth shrugged.
“She could not understand why I had rejected you, and my anger over presumed evils against Wickham was not sufficient explanation for it. So, I had no choice but to tell her all in the end.”
Darcy looked contemplative for a moment, then said, “I presume you told her also of our discussion yesterday morn?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I did. She also knows we kissed, and surprisingly thought that alone no reason to marry if I could not expect to like you. I had to explain that your aunt may take further action against me, so my accepting you is for the sake of her and our sisters.”
“And may I ask your thoughts on our marriage now? Do you still view it as a punishment you must take to spare your family?” Darcy asked her.
“I have never thought of marrying you as a punishment, Mr. Darcy. But it is a duty I must perform to protect my sisters’ chances for respectable matches, as it is my own actions which have threatened them,” she replied.
Darcy crossed the room slowly and came to a stop before her. He was close enough that Elizabeth began to feel the warmth of his body almost at once. He drew a deep breath, and she could feel the feathery brush of air on her face when he exhaled softly.
“Lilacs,” he said in a near-whisper. “Long have I associated you with that fragrance.”
Elizabeth swallowed, and though she felt the urge to step back and look away from him, she strongly commanded her feet and eyes to remain where they were—she would not allow Darcy to intimidate her simply by standing a little too close.
“It is my favorite flower,” she said, her voice as low as his.
“Though you view marriage to me as a duty, Elizabeth, I hope you will soon come to enjoy being my wife,” Darcy said, his voice still low. “You have much to look forward to as Mrs. Darcy.”
“Do I indeed? Shopping for forty gowns I don’t need was quite tedious and meeting your aunt the countess—though I suspect the encounter was mild in comparison—showed me what I have to look forward to in moving amongst the harpies of the ton ,” she quipped.
“Just what do you believe it is I will actually look forward to?”
Darcy lifted his hands to cup her face, and it had just registered in Elizabeth’s mind that she rather liked how gently he held her when he brought his mouth down over hers.
It was not with the same feverish intensity with which he had kissed her on Thursday, but it was still quite powerful in how soft and sweet it was.
This kiss touched her more deeply than the other had, and when they parted, she found herself feeling disappointed it had not lasted longer.
It was a certainty that her countenance showed how much she had liked being kissed, for Darcy smiled softly and said, “You have many more of those to look forward to, my dear.”
He then sighed and took her hands in his.
“I understand that the last couple of days have been trying for you, Elizabeth. You have had your belief in the characters of two men turned upside down, and you now face marriage to the one of whom you thought the worst. I suspect, given some of the things you have said, that you have not yet reconciled the man you thought you knew with the man you are now coming to know.”
“Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth began, but he silenced her by touching a forefinger to her lips.
“I love you,” he said, stunning her with the simple confession.
“I can see that surprises you, given our rather tempestuous disagreement of the other day, but my darling… I assure you that my sentiments and wishes have not been altered in the least. Is it not the truest test of love to be able to forgive those who hurt us? In truth, I do believe I have come to love you even more than I did but two days past, for you have laid bare those deficiencies of character which made you so dislike me before. By you I have been properly humbled, and I am determined to improve myself—for you, and for the family we shall one day begin.”
Elizabeth could not help but be moved by such a speech. Tears came to her eyes—this was most definitely not the haughty, proud, and hateful Mr. Darcy she had known in Meryton.
“I begin to think, Mr. Darcy,” said she with a sniffle, “that I do not deserve you. I have been so narrow-minded and selfish to think so much of my own misery and fears since yesterday’s dreadful events—since my own cousin turned me out of his house—that I do not think I have taken a single moment to truly consider how you must be feeling in all of this.
I have thought that you could not possibly want to be married to me after I abused you so abominably, that the love you believed yourself to feel was surely diminished by my angry speeches and spiteful desire to inflict upon you the pain I knew my sister to feel… ”
Elizabeth drew a shaky breath and looked up as the moisture in her eyes spilled over.
“By you, sir, I am properly humbled. And I give you my word that I shall endeavour to dwell no more on the negative. I do wish to find some happiness in our marriage beyond being the envy of a bevvy of society daughters for my somehow having managed to catch one of the most eligible bachelors in all of England.”
Darcy chuckled as he cupped her cheeks again and gently brushed away her tears with his thumbs. “I am delighted you have found some pleasure in that, at least.”
He then stepped around her and, after a moment of perusal, plucked a book from the shelf before offering his arm. “I think we’d best return to the others before your uncle comes in search of you.”
Elizabeth laughed as she curled her hand around his arm. “How mortified he would be if he had come searching for us a few moments ago.”
“We can always kiss again and give him reason to be mortified,” said Darcy as they exited the library.
Her face warmed at his words—and the thought of kissing him again.
Just moments after they had returned to the drawing room, before either had even a chance to sit and make themselves comfortable, the sound of the knocker on the front door was heard.
Elizabeth watched Darcy frown, and Fitzwilliam muttered, “Who the devil could that be?” Georgiana stopped playing as they heard the front door open.
Not a minute later, the butler entered and announced Viscount Rowarth. Everyone stood to greet the heir to the Earl of Disley, who walked directly to Darcy even as he drew breath.