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EMMETT

W hat's going on with me? Where do I start?

The way Paul eyes me makes me fidget and want to curl into the blanket one of the EMTs draped over my shoulders.

"Emmett, tell me."

I don't see the traffic we're passing or really acknowledge that everyone is pulling over for Amaya's ambulance ahead of us. I should be in there with them, but I didn't feel like I deserved to be at my omega’s side.

Now all that decision is doing for me is adding to the guilt. Why the hell am I not with my scent match right after she fucking drowned?!

Paul sighs. “Son, you only have a couple of minutes to get yourself situated. I know you're breaking, but Amaya needs you. She wants you. All she wanted on that dock was the four of you beside her. Nothing else matters but being with her."

He's right, but all his words do is stack more weight onto my suffering. What the fuck is wrong with me? Sweat makes my scalp itch, but I still tug the blanket around me tighter like it will save me from the self-reflection Paul is forcing on me.

"How do you do it?" I mutter and turn my body toward him so I can soak in his wisdom.

"Do what?"

I frown, trying to think of the best way to explain my thoughts. "How do you feel so much and know how to channel it? You expressed your pain and acknowledged all your shit, but you just... you're using it instead of drowning in it."

Paul sends me a look filled with compassion. "I've lived a life of loneliness, Emmett. My reason for existence was out there, and I didn't even know it. Too much time has been stolen from me and I won't allow another moment to slip through my fingers."

I'm absolutely riveted and feel myself getting choked up when Paul swallows thickly. "I guess to answer your question, I refuse to stand in my own way. So many other factors kept me from Amaya, me included, and as much as I hate the time I've lost with my daughter, my feelings are much more useful as fuel to be the father I really, truly want to be."

I have nothing to say. Everything he says taps on the insecurities in my mind that are masking as failures. Did I actually do anything wrong? Five minutes ago, I was so sure I was the worst person that could be around my omega... But now?

"I want to be the best father I can be. You want to be the best mate you can be. I think we have a few things in common, kid," Paul continues, pulling into a parking spot and looking me dead in the eye. "We're great alphas just for wanting to be our best. Mistakes have been made and we want to be better. What might get in our way is a whole fuck ton of insecurities and anxiety."

My eyebrows rise, making Paul chuckle softly. "We are good alphas, Emmett. If you feel like you need to be better, then that makes you good . I'm afraid I don't know the first thing about being a dad to a daughter who's already an adult with her own family. I don't know where I fit in her life, and I think you might feel the same."

"If it weren't for Sam, I never would have gotten her out. I would have drowned right along with Amaya," I blurt, my heart pounding as my failure surfaces.

Paul shakes his head. "Emmett, you did everything, literally everything, to save your omega. You were willing to die for her. Do you know why I like you guys, even though it's clear you three have some groveling to do too?"

I shake my head, stunned, as his words turn over and over in my head.

"Because the team you all make together is fucking epic. A pack is a team and while I might be a lone alpha, it's really damn obvious that the four of you are meant for your omega. Who found Amaya after Sam helped you?"

"I did," I whisper, feeling self-conscious.

Paul nods and shrugs. "I can't smooth out the struggles running rampant in your head, but I guess what I'm trying to get at is there is so much more to think about beyond telling yourself you're a failure."

I hear him, and I think that's the best I can do right now. "Thank you, Paul." My body locks up as my eyes land on the hospital doors over his shoulder.

"Let's get you to your pack."

"Alpha!"

My soul jolts and floods with love and urgency as Oliver comes rushing through the bright white waiting room. "Beta," I hum, wrapping my arms around my bonded. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Oliver."

He tries to tug out of my embrace, but I hold him to me and let my tears drip into his messy brown waves. "Don't apologize," he says into my damp shirt.

"No, just listen," I beg, squeezing my eyes shut against the abrasive lights. "I'm going to be there for everything from now on. No more running. I think... I think I should talk to someone. There's so much going on in my head. The guilt and all the insecurities are suffocating," I whisper, clinging to my beta.

This time when he tries to pry himself from my grasp, I let him. "I love you," Oliver says with conviction as his green eyes swim with love and a hardness that surprises me. "For the record, you are the greatest, most admirable man I know. I'll always support you finding the help you need."

I wish I could deny his words, but he continues after tugging on the collar of my salty shirt. "No more running, especially from the good things. Amaya's awake. She's going to be okay."

"What?" I breathe, my steps already moving for the double doors. "She's awake?" Fuck, how long was I outside talking to Paul?!

Oliver nods with a grin that stirs my cock just a little. "Our omega is asking for you."

I curse and rush forward, all my issues forgotten.