Page 31

L otus did very little to help me forget my troubles. It didn’t even provide the distraction that it once did. Nothing made me stop thinking about Brynn. It didn’t help working alongside her, even remotely, because the mere mention of her name was enough to invoke memories I wanted to keep buried.

“I know what you’ve been doing, and where. You might think you’ve kept it secret, but the truth will always come to the light.”

Those words were ones my twin had said to me the night she died. No, not died. The night she was brutally murdered. My gaze dropped down to my hands, and no matter how often I scrubbed them, I could see her blood on my skin. Only, it wasn’t just Aria’s, but Blair’s as well.

I was a cold blooded killer, yet I never faced any repercussions for my actions. Was I remorseful? Absolutely, but I had yet to pay for my crimes, and I knew why. The night I’d called my parents to tell them about my sister had been a complete blur. Even now, I could only remember bits and pieces of my father’s cursing while my mother sobbed brokenly from across the room.

It'd been so heart-wrenching to me at the time, I’d agree with anything if only she would stop crying. She never did, despite the vow I’d made to my father, and I suspected that she still cried about Aria, and to a lesser extent, me.

Everything had been covered up, and as I stood there in the mirror wondering when I’d become the monster staring back at me, my father had come back to tell me that he’d taken care of everything. No one would be the wiser as to what I’d done, and it was then when I’d sold whatever was left of my soul to a man even more unfeeling than me. I’d let my father sweep everything under the rug, and it was only days later when I told him I wanted to confess. He’d told me how much trouble he, and my mother, would be in for helping me. I’d already broken up the family, but if I didn’t remain silent, I would destroy it completely.

After making assurances that I would take the secret to my grave, I’d turned and the pain from earlier had disappeared completely from my eyes. It was replaced by an emptiness that had stayed with me ever since. It’d been there in Greece, and it was certainly here now in San Francisco.

I decided at that moment to leave Lotus, so I returned home. Only, it didn’t feel like much of one to me. If I were being honest, the godforsaken hotel room in Japan had felt a lot more inviting which was crazy considering this penthouse had been decked out in all the normal Christmas colors a month earlier. And it’d been the first time I could’ve ever said that about this place, too.

Holidays... Decorating... Yuletide Joy...

None of those things were me. They were Brynn, though. And in my own foolishness, I’d fallen under her spell. Seeing her at the office, then later here, after all the decorating had been completed, she’d been so happy.

Her face... Those eyes... That smile...

It’d all been worth it to me, then. Not so much now. All reminders were officially gone from this place, but they wouldn’t leave my head. Her place had been equally as festive, although a bit more quaint. I’d been enjoying the photographs I’d seen of hers until...

“Blair! Why do you continue to haunt me?”

She was dead by my own hands, so of course she wouldn’t answer me back. I didn’t need her to as I already knew what she’d tell me. “You told me that you’d make me pay, yet the one suffering is now you.”

And she was right. I slammed my balled up fist down onto the marble countertop, then scrubbed the other one down my face. A yawn slowly escaped me at that moment, and I knew her voice in my head was nothing more than jet lag. Besides the time difference between Japan and California, I hadn’t slept in days.

It was all that I needed right now, even if I was doubtful I’d actually succumb to my exhaustion. I needed to try, though. After slipping out of my clothes, I began running water knowing I could scrub my damn hands raw, yet never remove the invisible layer of blood coating them.

Twenty minutes later, I had tried to no avail. There were two options. I could drink myself into oblivion like half of San Francisco was doing, or I could try to get some rest. Deciding on the latter, I moved back into the bedroom, then over to my tall dresser. While I used to sleep in the nude, I no longer did since my sleepwalking incidents began to occur once more when I’d been in Japan. I knew a lot had to do with whatever this was between Brynn and me. I’d left that night in such a hurry, and I hadn’t seen her in person since.

In fact, I barely even spoke to her outside of the various conference calls we’d both been on. There was nothing to say. Even if I allowed myself to feed into the delusion of having anything with anyone, it could never be her. How could I take her bed and bend her to my will knowing I would see her sister, who I shared a similar type of relationship with? And it wasn’t just an ex, but one whose life I had viciously ended.

I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and tugged them on, before slamming the drawer shut. I then spent the next several minutes making sure my room was as dark as could be before I fell face down onto the bed. That alone brought back memories of my sister pouncing on me as soon as I did. Not wanting to focus on Aria as I was about to embark on another year I’d robbed from her, I rolled over onto my back and stared up into the darkness of my ceiling. Eventually I fell asleep as I had hoped.

It didn’t last long, though. Not even a half hour later, I bolted upright in bed, then stared toward the windows. Usually darkness greeted me, but not tonight. I could see Brynn in front of them wearing nothing but a string of clear Christmas lights highlighting the marks I’d left on her.

A groan escaped, and before I knew it, I was on my feet. I’d headed toward the mirage, and finally encountered the stormproof glass of my floor-to-ceiling windows. The hard barrier should’ve returned me to my senses, but it did little more than anger me.

Forcing myself back to bed, I laid down and closed my eyes once more. Additional memories came rushing back to me. I could see Brynn on the couch with her legs underneath her as she talked to me via video chat. I also saw her rushing into the lingerie store, and how she’d smiled at me unaware that I was the one who’d sent her there to begin with. Then, there were the many nights I’d had her at Lotus, and the days I’d had her in my office.

Bent over a chair... My desk... Tied to a spanking table... A pillar...

My pulse was racing, and my heart was beating like a drum in my ear, only it wasn’t mine. I’d finally remembered the night she’d fallen asleep in this very place. I’d heard her heart beat in her slumber, and I’d been envious of how that must feel. Although I’d once been as carefree as she was, I no longer remembered what it felt like to not be driven by fear, and not the kind I could slay.

I wasn’t afraid of another person or entity. Hell, even the prospect of imprisonment didn’t scare me as much as my own mind did. I was terrified of the man I had once been... still was... and would continue to be because there was a monster inside of me clawing to break free again.

I won’t let me get me.

I’d told myself that numerous times over the years, only to remain in this twisted universe. To the outside eye, I had everything together. Even those at Lotus tonight had no idea about the type of man I really was. I knew, though. Yes, I was a CEO of a multi-billion dollar technology company, architect of Olympus, and co-creator of Lotus, but there was another part I kept hidden as I’d once promised my father I’d do.

And, I needed to pull myself together before I broke that promise, too. I’d promised Aria that no harm would ever come to her, and something very similar to Blair. I’d made no such vows to Brynn, at least not aloud. I’d felt a certain protectiveness over her since the night I first laid eyes on her, and it was the reason I had broken every rule I’d ever made and brought her on at BT.

Grabbing a pillow, I covered my head with it, and it wasn’t long until I had drifted back off to sleep. Again, it didn’t last long. The only difference from my last attempt this evening was the brisk breeze blowing across me and the coldness of the wooden planks beneath my feet.

My eyes flew open, and hoping to be somewhere near home, I looked around in confusion as I tried to think about where I was. The place seemed familiar, but I couldn’t quite piece together where I was. At least not until I turned to see a door. My pulse quickened, and I looked around. Sure enough, I was at the very last place I needed to be. Now or ever.

As I tried to turn to flee, it was like a magnet pulling me ever closer to the door. I tried resisting the urge to raise my hand, but it moved on its own. No, I couldn’t be here. I needed to leave. As I closed my eyes and willed my body to cooperate with my mind for once, my body tensed immediately. My eyes flew open, and I brought my fist to her door.

I needed to see her... I wanted to throttle her for the duplicity... Neither mattered because I knew what would be done. The only thing that could be. As I gave in to the beast inside of me, my hand raised again.