Page 17

I ’d managed to sleep completely through another night. I’d been counting them down and so far, I was on seventeen nights and counting. It seemed like such a small accomplishment, but knowing the hell that greeted me most evenings, I would take this small blessing. Yes, there had been periods of time before when I would be wracked with bouts of insomnia, but not the god awful sleepwalking that still terrified me to this day.

This was different, though. Nothing felt the same. I wasn’t waking up to find myself in strange places or doing weird things, but instead I was actually getting some much needed rest. Running on empty seemed to be my mantra, but not feeling exhausted was something I could get used to. Only, I couldn’t. Knowing my life and how it’d gone so far, I was basically biding my time while waiting for the inevitable to happen. Would it be tonight? Tomorrow? Next week? I didn’t know.

After showering, I made sure everything was in my briefcase, then headed to Benedict Technologies. Neil was there in the front and I could see him look behind me to the brightening skies then back to me.

“I usually see you a lot earlier,” he remarked.

I smiled politely. “I am running a bit late this morning.”

I didn’t waste any further time as I walked briskly over to the elevator. A few short minutes later, I walked into the enclosed office where Brynn worked. She wasn’t here yet, but that was not surprising. I was actually thrilled that she finally figured out a healthy work and life balance. If only I had the ability to do the same.

“I’d do nothing different,” I mumbled under my breath as I walked past her desk and over to my private office.

Once inside, I moved to my desk and set my briefcase down. I went right to work getting my programs up and running. I had an early morning meeting with some investors in New York City, one of whom I’d attended Yale with some years earlier.

After I had everything I needed pulled up, I leaned back in my seat. That’s when I saw it. I blinked a few times thinking that I was seeing things, but each time I reopened them, the pathetic little tree remained.

“What the hell is that?” I asked aloud.

“Your tree. This office needed a little holiday cheer,” Brynn said, and I wasn’t sure if I was more startled by her presence or her words.

“I’ve already told you that I don’t celebrate the holidays.”

“You’ve also said that you don’t reveal your identity to women at Lotus.”

“I don’t” I admitted, then exhaled. “You don’t take direction very well, Miss Davis. I might have to rectify that soon.”

She smiled at that, as did most submissives when presented with the threat of punishment. I liked things hard and rough which were the reasons I tended to navigate toward masochists. In the beginning, I thought Brynn to be too innocent, but she’d showed me time and time again that she could not only dish things out but take them as well.

I rose from my seat, then walked over to where she had set it. “You know that this can’t stay in my office.”

“Why not?” She asked.

I could tell her question was genuine. I’d never be able to tell her the real reasons I didn’t celebrate anything because I wouldn’t even know where to start. Perhaps the end would be fitting, but I never discussed my sister with anyone. Aria’s death had been when my own life seemed to stop, only it didn’t. Things like celebrating would, however, so I flicked the solitary red ball and watched as it swung from side to side. It was almost hypnotic in nature, and it was only when I felt Brynn’s hand on my arm that I tore my gaze from the ornament and turned toward her.

“Yes,” I said to her as she looked up at me in question.

“I was just asking if you wanted me to bring you a coffee. I noticed that you haven’t taken the time to get one yet.”

She was right. “I just got here. I have a meeting with NYC in less than twenty minutes. A coffee would be nice.”

She beamed at that, then turned and walked toward the door. When she was in the doorway, I cleared my throat. “Would you get me one from that place on the end of the block? Today calls for an extra shot of espresso.”

“I will get that for you, but I want you to promise me something first.”

“I’m not in the business of making promises to my employees. Now, if we were at Lotus and you were naked on your knees, I would definitely have something to promise you.”

“I’m being serious,” she said with a half laugh.

I didn’t even smile as I stared straight ahead at her. “I’m always serious when it comes to the lifestyle.”

“This isn’t about that,” she assured me, and I arched a brow.

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t want you to throw the tree away. I know it’s not your thing, but if you keep it long enough, it might just become your thing.”

I chuckled. “Doubtful, but I do give you my word that I won’t throw it away no matter how tempting that sounds.”

“That’s good enough for me. I’ll be back soon with your coffee.”

With that, she disappeared from sight and I sighed. That damn collection of branches taunted me nonetheless. I picked it up, blanket and all, and was tempted to go back on my word. No one had asked her to get this, and she had taken an undue liberty in doing so.

Turning it over, I realized it looked just as pitiful from all sides and angles. It certainly was nothing like the trees that Aria and I would decorate with our mother. The matriarch of our family invented reasons to throw lavish parties and holiday balls, so our homes always looked like a winter wonderland from Halloween to New Year’s Day.

I closed my eyes and remembered the last one we’d decorated together. Aria and I were nearly sixteen, and both of us had other places to be. Our mother had tasked us with unraveling the various strings of lights. Some were clear, but most were a rainbow of colors. As I started the tenuous task, Aria was playing on her phone.

To this day, I still don’t know what possessed me to unravel one, then move over to her undetected. Before either of us knew what I was doing, I wrapped part of the string around her neck. I think the action scared the both of us before the string fell from my hand and she cursed a blue streak at me as she removed it from her neck.

“I’m sorry,” I’d told her.

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me, but try to not be such an asshole next time. I was about to help you.”

Only she was wrong. I had hurt her. I might not have stolen her life that night, but I had on another. As memories of the dock that fateful night came rushing back, the single red ornament was the same color as her blood. I dropped the damn tree, then closed my eyes and forced those memories away. When I reopened them, I picked the damn thing off of the floor.

“I can’t keep this in here.”

Just as I was about to exit my office and go into hers, Brynn appeared through the other doorway. Her eyes narrowed the moment she saw what was in my hands. “Mr. Benedict, a promise is a promise.”

“I never promised anything,” I pointed out. “That was your word. Not mine.”

“Semantics,” she pointed out.

“I was actually going to put it on your desk where it would be appreciated more.”

“There’s no need. A nine footer is being delivered later. I think it will look very festive in that corner over there. Do you agree?”

I felt myself visibly pale at the idea of some monstrosity in the corner of an office that anyone at BT could see. It was bad enough that some of the employees made it a mission to decorate the lobby. I spent little to no time there so it wasn’t an issue, but my office. Before I could forbid it, she started to giggle.

“I don’t really have a tree coming, and I don’t want that one in your hands either. When I saw it in the store, I knew it was perfect for you. Just give it some time. I’m sure it’ll grow on you.”

“I doubt anything is growing on this damn thing, but whatever.” I grabbed my coffee from her hands, then walked back into my office. “I will be in meetings for the next four hours. Please make sure that I am not disturbed.”

With that, I closed my door. I returned the tree back to the desk, then got logged into my meeting just in time. Today would not only be a long day, but as my gaze narrowed in on the tree, I realized this entire holiday season would be even longer.