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T he atmosphere in the office had turned strange once Adrian had been gone for two weeks. It seemed every time I was around my co-workers, someone asked me when he was coming back. My reply was a nondescript “He’s still trying to determine how long he needs to be there.” Invariably, the look I got in response was one of disbelief. I managed to overhear a conversation where I learned that this behavior was so unlike Adrian that there was a rumor of a rift between the two of us. The rumor was correct, of course, but I couldn’t have that circulate any further than it already had. I finally reached a breaking point when Andi stood in front of my desk.

“What’s the deal?” She asked in a low voice. I played dumb, giving her a confused look.

“Deal?” I prompted. “You’re going to have to give me some detail about that.”

With an exaggerated eye roll, she continued. “The deal with your boss. Where is he? Why is it that no one seems to know when he’s coming back? That man is so precise and so predictable that people know when he changes his socks, yet he hasn’t booked a flight back from Japan? What gives, Brynn? You of all people should be able to answer that question. Did you guys have a fight?”

Blowing out a breath, I sat back in my chair and gave her a look that was disapproving. “First of all, if I had had a fight with my boss, do you think I would still be employed? He’s not the type to put up with things like that.” With a nod, she acknowledged the truth of my statement.

“Second of all, he is an adult and the CEO of this company. It’s no one’s business when, where, and why he is still in Japan. It could be business; it could be personal. He didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. Because it’s none of my concern. It’s also not the concern of anyone else in this company. He’ll be back when he comes back.”

She shifted back and forth on her feet, a guilty expression on her face. “I’m sorry. You’re right. And it’s not anyone else’s business. You guys are really okay?”

I forced a smile and hoped it looked genuine. “I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

After an invitation to grab lunch soon, Andi left. I waited until she was out of sight, then decided to take a few minutes in Adrian’s office to gather myself.

Using the master key, I opened the heavy door, suppressing a shiver when I slipped inside his office. By appearances alone, it looked like he had just stepped away for a couple of minutes. No one else entering would be able to tell that he had been gone for weeks.

“It still smells like you,” I whispered aloud.

An ache bloomed in my chest the longer I stayed in his space. Christmas was now days away and today was the final day in the office for everyone until the New Year. Adrian may not celebrate holidays, but he was generous enough with the staff to close BT for the last half of the month. Part of me, the foolish part, had hoped we might spend part of the holiday together. Things had seemed so positive until he’d come to my house for dinner.

“I still need to talk to you about Blair,” I said, walking toward his desk. The massive wood structure was full of files, notebooks, and papers, but everything was organized into distinct piles. If one were to ask the man where a certain item was, he would be able to go to its specific location and produce it.

Spotting his planner, I went to it, rounding the desk to sit in the leather chair that had been sat in so much, it was conformed to the contours of Adrian’s body. It, too, smelled like him, and I began to blush remembering the numerous times I had been bent over that chair during the middle of a workday.

“Focus. Focus, ” I chided myself, beginning to flip through pages on the day planner.

He was one of the few people I knew that still liked to have appointments in writing. He would write things down, then scan them into his phone, where an app would sync all of his calendars at the same time. I had downloaded that same app, and I had to admit, it was very handy. It was easy to keep track of myself, Adrian, and Lug Nut. The trip that he was currently on was indeed in the planner, but he should have been back last week. I had no way of knowing what he was going to do next or when.

Walking back to my desk dejectedly, I heard a soft ping and noticed an email from HR. We had just gotten the go ahead to leave early for the holidays. Within a few minutes, Andi was back at my desk.

“Soooooo… join us for Christmas cocktails?”

Not feeling very social, I politely declined with a small white lie. “I would but I’m picking up my dad from the airport. We’re spending the holidays together.”

It wasn’t completely false. I would be picking up my dad from the airport, but he was coming in tomorrow morning. I could always use the extra time to finish wrapping his gifts and making sure his room was all ready for him.

Neither one of us had done anything for Christmas last year, so this was a small milestone of sorts. As we had done for Blair’s birthday, he and I were finding a new normal for all the birthdays and anniversaries we would have without her.

A trip to the grocery store and liquor store later, I was back at home making a huge pot of chili for tomorrow, which was one of my dad’s favorites. When the weather turned colder, he gravitated to the comfort foods that we had all loved: chili, stew, chicken and dumplings, and mac and cheese. I would cook my heart out while he was there and I couldn’t wait.

Lug Nut and I took as long a walk as we could stand in the bitterly cold wind. He was a trooper wearing booties on his paws to keep them warm and even tolerating a coat. The boy had short fur and would shiver in lower temperatures. He got a lot of compliments and pats from the neighbors for his stylish outfit.

Once we were in and fed for the night, I decided I deserved another hot bath and evening of pampering. If for nothing else, it was a reward for continuing to show up every day for work and do the job I was hired to do as best I could.

The next morning, I fought my way through airport traffic, inching forward to the ‘Arriving Passengers’ area. My father refused to have me park in the garage and wait. He thought it was more efficient for me to drive around a few laps so I could pick him up curbside. I indulged him but it was actually more of a hassle for me to do things this way.

“I have not had enough coffee for this mess,” I said to the dog in the back seat. All of a sudden, Lug Nut went on alert, beginning to wag his butt and whine. I knew why.

“Do you see grandpa? Do you see him?”

The butt wagging became more enthusiastic, and I spotted my father standing patiently outside the door for baggage claim. Lug Nut began to bark, pressing his nose against the window and making my dad smile.

After throwing on the hazard lights, I hit the button to pop the back and got out of the car, arms extended for a hug.

“There she is! Hi, Honey.” He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close and I breathed in the familiar smells of soap and gum. This was home. He was home to me.

“Hi, Daddy. I’m so glad you’re here.” And I truly was. He had always been my rock in the storm, so perhaps he’d be the same for me once more during his stay.

After stowing his single bag in the back, he got in the car, rubbing Lug Nut on the head and talking sweetly to him while I pulled away from the curb. It was no easy feat getting ninety pounds of muscle to settle down and reseat himself.

We made it home and my father didn’t take much time to unpack. Before I had really had time to top off the dog’s water bowl, he was in the kitchen with me, rummaging through my cabinets for a coffee mug.

“The shit they served on the plane was bitter this morning. I could barely drink it,” he said, locating my stash of coffee pods and sorting through the variety of flavors. I had stocked up on his favorite, knowing he would want some upon arrival. My father was also a male who was predictable. I would not allow myself to think of the other one.

“The house looks nice. Festive. I’m glad you decided to celebrate the holidays this year, Honey. And I’m glad I get to spend it with you.” His mug now full of dark, fragrant liquid, he took a long sip, not bothering to wait for it to cool off even the slightest bit.

“I’ve been looking forward to this time together for weeks,” I told him. “And someone else is happy you are here, too.” The big, smiling meatball appeared at my dad’s side, his tail thump-thump-thumping against the barstool leg. After an appropriate amount of ear scratches, the dog settled for his mid-morning nap and Dad and I got down to the business of planning our day. I was so freaking happy that he was here and that I was together with family. The void I felt every day over Blair’s death would never go away, but as each month ended, it got smaller. Perhaps one day, I would be able to think about her and the emptiness would be a fleeting thought instead of a focus. I made a mental note to make that my New Year’s resolution.