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CODY HAD LEFT for work the next morning, leaving me lying in bed. He snuck out without saying goodbye. At first, I found it enduring how he let me sleep in knowing I didn’t have to work the early shift. Then, as time passed, I understood his point.

Dinner cooled on the table as I waited for him to come home.

He had arrived back to the room late before, but this felt different.

I didn’t know if I should be upset or worried; the sense of something being wrong filled me with fear.

Unable to focus on mundane tasks, I wrapped up the food and put it in the fridge, then bounced from dishes to laundry to watching TV.

I tried to ignore my feelings but by the end of the night, my mind had me convinced he had been on the wrong end of a gun or knife. Surely, he had been killed. There was no other reason for him to not come home. I had never gone to bed without him before and it had been impossible to sleep.

He demanded I never call him at work, so the following day when he hadn’t been home or called by noon, I seriously considered filing a missing person’s report with the police. But what would I tell them? I had no clue how to act or react, so I went to work, like usual, and stumbled through my day.

By day three, I was beside myself. Again, I got ready for work. Like usual. I followed the sidewalk under I-45 to the restaurant. Like usual. I waited on customers, made small talk, and smiled. Like usual. Elaine sensed something wrong but didn’t ask. She made eyes at Dane, and he shrugged.

On the fourth day, when Cody still hadn’t come home, I was a mix between furious and terrified.

I had been through all the emotions multiple times.

What if he’s dead on the street somewhere?

Would serve the asshole right. Thank goodness I had the day off so my anxiety could be trapped within the four walls of our hotel room.

On the fifth day, tears streamed down my face; I couldn’t keep them inside.

I feared my husband might never come back, but I was also worried sick.

Did he leave on purpose? Did he move away, or will he be back?

I didn’t have any choice but to stay. However, I couldn’t afford to pay the nightly rate for the room.

Not wanting to believe the worst, I chose to think he left because he didn’t love me anymore.

What am I going to do if he left for good?

What the hell is so bad about me that made him choose to leave?

I do everything I can to keep Cody happy and prove myself to him.

No matter how many times he tells me I’m not worth it, I try to prove him wrong.

I am worth it. At least Elaine thought I made a good waitress.

And back in Alaska, Willy used to tell me I was appreciated.

My mom used to ignore me and tell me I wouldn’t ever make anything of myself; I thought Cody would take me away from that life and those thoughts.

But here I am. I set aside my dreams of being a mother to please Cody.

Maybe he would accept me gaining weight if he knew it was due to a pregnancy.

He promised to never leave me again. Now he’s gone. Fuck my life.

WITHOUT ANY lights on, our hotel room seemed like a cave.

As I opened the door and walked in, an odd feeling of dread filled me.

Chills ran up the back of my arms. The air conditioning blew from beside the window with a subtle hum.

I didn’t remember turning it down so low.

Behind closed blinds, the setting sun from the long day was invisible.

I closed the door behind me and waited for my eyes to adjust. I hadn’t yet become familiar enough with the small space to be able to move around without bumping into furniture.

Cody stood and I yelped. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. You’re home.

Thank God.” He didn’t acknowledge me, so I didn’t rush him.

It could be possible he was out of his mind.

Some of the pills we had shared were capable of causing odd side effects.

He could be hallucinating. If I interrupted his delusion, it could be dangerous to us both.

Silence and a stream of marijuana-scented smoke followed Cody from the couch to the light switch in the kitchenette. Weed wasn’t my thing; it just put me to sleep. When Cody had smoked it in Alaska, it made him paranoid, so I knew I needed to tread lightly.

I needed answers, though, and decided to ask gentle questions. “Cody? Are you okay? Why were you sitting in the dark?”

He opened the refrigerator and selected lunch meat and cheese, then pulled bread from the cupboard. After he made one sandwich and popped a top off a bottle of Dos Equis, he moved to the couch and turned on the TV. Not once did he look at me.

Confused, I followed in his wake and lowered myself to the couch. “Hey. Where have you been? What’s happening?”

Silence.

I had a funny feeling he was ignoring me on purpose, and I lost the ability to care if I “woke” him .

“What are you doing? Didn’t you think that maybe I would want a sandwich, too?” I spoke to the cold air. The stupid ignoring game aggravated me.

“Fine. I guess I’ll make one myself.” He didn’t react to the comment I made, apparently to no one.

Stunned to find all the food in the refrigerator had been eaten, I scrunched my face.

Only one piece of yellow cheese sat on the top shelf.

It wasn’t even in the wrapper anymore; it had grown hard and crusty.

“Did you eat all the food?” What the hell is he doing? This is so fucking weird. The empty bread bag in the sink led me to believe he had eaten the rest of that, too. I pulled open every cupboard door only to find all the groceries I had brought home earlier in the week had disappeared.

“Cody?” Did he seriously eat everything? Or could he have thrown it away? “Did you put the food somewhere else?” Am I just imagining things?

A commercial made him chuckle. I sat beside him on the couch and tried to talk to him, again. “Will you please talk to me? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m sorry for whatever I did. If you tell me, I’ll change.”

It was as if I was a ghost. Like he couldn’t see me, and I was hovering in a parallel dimension. I hated being filled with anxiety. Not knowing what I needed to do differently made me sick to my stomach. I poured a glass of whiskey and took an Oxy. I needed to forget how unimportant I was.

THE NEXT MORNING , he snuggled up to me, kissed my ear and pushed his erection against my ass. I was thrilled his attitude changed from the weird night before. I rubbed against him and repositioned myself.

With one hand on my hip, holding me steady, he shoved himself into me, and I whined even though I was ready for him. He liked it when I made it seem like he hurt me a little, even if he didn’t. I loved it when he woke up wanting me.

He finished in a hurry but rolled me over right away and started from scratch. Soft kisses started on my lips, and I held my breath as he kissed me with the entirety of his passion.

The way he moved above me, teasing with soft touches, drove me crazy. His lips traveled from my chin to my breasts and warmed my core. He kneeled between my legs, and I moved against him teasing, making it impossible to resist me.

Sheets wrapped around us as we changed positions after each of my orgasms. Pillows had been pushed off the bed and softened the landing when we tumbled onto the floor.

We continued our love making in the compact shower, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he held me against the wall. I didn’t even care anymore where he had been. My husband was back. He was home safe.

Early in our relationship, Cody had asked which position I enjoyed the most. The shower was it; the angle allowed him to hit my sweet spot and I couldn’t hold back the intensity of my release. Sometimes he would cover my mouth with his hand so our neighbors wouldn’t hear.

Hot water streamed over and between us when an odd realization hit me: usually Cody was always vocal when we made love, but I still hadn’t heard his voice. Not even a moan.

He stood behind me and nuzzled my neck, then whispered my name. I loved the sound of his smooth cadence and was thrilled to hear his voice. Although when I comprehended his words, I second guessed myself.

“I need to know something.”

My eyes lit up; I was so relieved he wanted to talk to me again. I turned to face him and smiled. “Anything, my king.”

“How many of Elaine’s customers have you fucked?”

Stunned, I backed away and tilted my head. “What?”

“I saw how the guy with the glasses looked at you. Like you were a bottle of whiskey he wanted to drink. ”

I laughed. “Jake? He’s harmless.”

“Oh, you’re on a first name basis with him? I suppose he’s the reason you didn’t straighten your hair the day I came to see you. Maybe he’s the reason you’re smiling more often.”

Dammit; the curls. I knew better than to leave the house without straightening my hair. I’m so stupid. I tried to blow off the ridiculousness of his accusation but knew better than to roll my eyes. I did push my limit, though. “So, I’m not allowed to smile now?”

Anger laced his words, his eyes darkened. He gripped my hips with both hands, his fingertips practically punctured my skin. I was sure they would leave bruises. “How many times have you taken him behind the building and let him fuck you when he doesn't have money to pay his bill?”

This line of questioning had grown absurd, and it upset me more than it should have.

I knew by now if I let him know he got to me, he would keep pushing.

So, I chuckled instead of screamed. “You have quite the imagination, my love.” I squirmed out of his grip, turned the water off, and grabbed a towel.

“So, you just let him bend you over the counter. I see. The food there is worth more than a simple blow job? Did you let him and his friend tag team you?”

I sighed and did my best to ignore him like he had to me the night before. At least now I understood why he was so upset. He was wrong, but the treatment made sense.

He stared at me, waiting.

“Do you expect me to give you an answer to a question that doesn't make sense?”

GROGGY FROM having been unconscious, I kept my eyes closed until I could decipher what happened to cause me to go black. My jaw hit the countertop on the way to the floor. It must have, the slice in my skin and blood dripping down my chin told the story.

Along with the throbbing on one side of my face, I had bitten my tongue and swallowed pools of blood.

It took me a minute to remember what I had done to upset Cody. Again. Oh, yeah. I told him he was wrong. Cody is never wrong. About anything. If I had admitted to doing what he fantasized I had done, the punishment wouldn't have been nearly as bad. Or would it?

A faint memory of the dream I had had while I had been out hit me hard.

I was in Alaska, shivering from the cold, having sex with one of the regulars at the Next-door.

It must have been John because he was big; I could feel him filling me again and again.

For a moment, I thought I was back in Seward.

Then I realized my shoulders had grown numb.

Without any sense of time, I didn’t know how long I had been handcuffed to the headboard.

I pulled one arm just to be met with resistance.

Dazed, it took me a minute to realize why I was so cold and what scent surrounded me.

I opened my eyes to find a shirtless Cody and a naked man I had never met standing over my fully exposed body.

Pressure between my legs told me they had been in the middle of using a sex toy on me when I woke up.

Disgusted, my stomach churned, and I gagged. “Who?” I could barely force the word past the gag which had been shoved in my mouth. I tried again, anyway. “Stop.” Squirming to get free, I panicked. “Cody!”

Cody took a hit of the joint he held in one hand, held his breath, then passed it to the strange man.

Then he took a swig straight from a whiskey bottle before he held it and a pill in front of me.

“Shut up. Now that you’re the sole income provider, you have a job to do.

I suggest you make it worth my friend’s hard-earned money. ”

He removed the gag, and I gladly accepted the white and green pill he offered and gulped the whiskey to push it down my throat.

From the expression on his face, I understood my commentary would not be welcomed, so I kept quiet.

I had a frightening idea of what he meant when he told me I had a job to do. Did he sell me to this man?

Cody’s eyes turned black; I could only imagine that the devil himself had taken over his soul. He enjoyed watching, I knew that, but I never thought he would introduce a stranger to our sex life without my approval.

Uncomfortable with the entire situation, I tried to protest. “Please let me go, Cody. I don’t want to do this.”

“You think I give a fuck what you want? You’ll be a good little whore and do your job. Don’t disappoint me.”

The naked man held a hit from the joint, blowing the smoke out a little at a time. Nodding, a smile spread across the stranger’s squinty-eyed face. He stroked himself and practically drooled as he gaped at my breasts. Then he joined me on the bed.

The pill kicked in and I closed my eyes.

I fantasized about a celebrity while the man touched me.

Gentler than Cody ever had been, I kind of liked it.

I pretended like I was back at the bar and moaned with fake pleasure.

The man climbed on top of me and positioned me in a way I’d never tried before.

He slid into me, and I arched against his weight.

If I opened my eyes, my pleasure would have halted, which would prolong the experience. I moved and moaned when I knew it counted; I rocked the strangers’ world. Honestly, I enjoyed sex with him more than my own husband. I almost didn’t want it to end. But it did.

“Best two-fifty I’ve ever spent.”