Page 19

WHILE CODY attended classes, he instructed me to stay inside.

No one could know that I was there with him.

Cody knew I hated to be trapped, but insisted I not even open the curtains.

It drove me nuts that I couldn’t simply enjoy the scenery.

His daddy was paying for everything and if anyone found out I was living in the house, he said we’d both be out on the streets.

Without an education, Cody wouldn’t be able to take care of me. Without him, my life would be worthless. Even a high school diploma wouldn’t have made my life better. Like Cody said, I didn’t need to graduate and go to college; he was doing that for us both.

His degree in psychology would take us wherever we wanted to live.

We could stay in Alaska or move anywhere in the lower forty-eight.

He talked about moving to Dallas all the time, but I wasn’t sure why.

I would follow him anywhere; he was my future.

Without graduating from high school, I wouldn’t be able to make a career for myself, so I depended on him.

Even though the sun was out and the weatherman on channel two said temperatures would reach sixty-five, I knew better than to open the door.

Or window. Cody had been so paranoid about his dad finding out about us that he made me a prisoner.

Last time I sat on the balcony, I got another bloody lip.

Getting slapped hurt worse in Anchorage than Seward; I wondered why.

As much as I hated to admit it, Brittany was right.

She said Cody had to be in constant control of everything and that he wouldn’t approve of my job.

Even though she was the one who set it up, she suggested I quit.

If I was allowed to call her, I’d tell her she was right and apologize for being so hard-headed.

I’d also call my mom. Cody said she didn’t miss me, and he was probably right, but I would still like to talk to the kids. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye and they probably hated me for just up and leaving.

Maybe if I gave him what he wants and act like the loving girlfriend I know he needs me to be, he’ll give a little in return. Maybe he’d let me call home.

Bored out of my mind, I begged Cody multiple times to get me out of the house. I wanted to see the countryside or at least the zoo. Maybe just a nice dinner somewhere that offered more than sandwiches. He refused. Each time a little more passionately.

It took me all day to work up the courage to ask, “how much longer do we have to live this way?” Whining wasn’t my style, but I couldn’t help the squeak in my voice. In my mind, it was better than crying.

Again, my timing was off. I should have waited to say something after we finished dinner. Plates with ham and cheese on hamburger buns sat on the kitchen counter.

“Don’t you listen to anything I say?” A roll of his eyes emphasized his annoyance. “My dad can’t find out about you. He has people watching me. I see his friends all the time. They follow me all over campus and the city. God, I can’t believe you’re so ungrateful.”

He rounded the counter and towered over me.

With my chin in his grip, his nose almost touched mine.

“Don’t you ever forget where you came from.

Your whore of a mother made you follow in her footsteps.

I saved you from her and from yourself. I think you liked “dancing” for those men.

How do you think it made me feel to hear how everyone in town knew my girl was fucking any random yahoo who paid her enough? ”

“I didn’t like it, Cody. I hated …” The instant his fist connected with my eye; my head pounded as if it would explode. I fell to my knees and sobbed.

“Don’t make me discipline you again. I hate making you regret your decisions.

And don’t ever talk back to me.” He held a glass of honey-colored liquid in front of me and I took it.

I also took the two pills from the palm of his hand.

I wanted to stop the horrible feelings of regret and bring back the joy Cody and I once had.

“Now, let’s remember why we’re here. I’m getting my psychology degree so I can get us out of Alaska and start our life together. That’s what you want, right?”

It was what I wanted. “More than anything.” I nodded and smiled.

“That’s my girl. You don’t need anyone but me. Our love is enough to get us through. You’re supposed to be pure and together we can make up for what’s been lost. I can help you redirect your life so we can be the kind of people others respect and hold in high regard.”

His warm hand on my face and the sparkle in his eyes made me believe he would make our life perfect. Soft kisses peppered the bruise forming on my eye, when he backed away and smiled, I knew we would be okay. A sense of belonging and hope ran through my soul.

“We only need each other, Kennedy. You and me, together. Forever.”

The pills had allowed me to speak my mind; Oxy always had that effect on me. “I’m lonely, Cody. I miss my friends back in Seward.”

With his fingertip, he wiped away a tear. “But, K, don’t you see that they’re all worthless sluts?” He handed me another shot. I wanted another pill but was afraid it would be too much. My head bobbed from one side to the other and I practically fell asleep during blinks.

I didn’t understand how such hurtful words could be said with such sincerity.

It almost sounded as if he was being nice.

“I feel like I’m being smothered; I can’t breathe.

What am I doing so wrong that you need to know every step I take?

I quit my job when you asked me to, so I could move here to Anchorage to be with you. You can trust me.”

“I know your job was important to you. I wasn’t around enough to make you feel wanted, so you found attention with those other guys.

” His strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, and I melted into his chest. When it was good with Cody, it was so good.

He whispered the lyrics from my favorite song into my ear and I held on tight.

“Being with you is like heaven on earth. I don't know what I would do without you by my side. I need you. School is really hard right now, and I need you to understand just how important it is for you to stay out of sight. If my dad knew you were here, he’d cut me off.”

“I’m sorry for being selfish, Cody. I love you. I understand.”

“The best thing about you is that you’re moldable.

You don’t know what it’s like to have things and whenever I give you something, you appreciate it more than any other girl I’ve been with.

You don’t even care that this house is a dive.

All the others tried to make me spend my dad’s hard-earned money to update it. ”

I didn’t know he had been with any other girls but was afraid to ask. If I did, it would prove I was a hypocrite. My previous job involved other men, so who was I to expect him to have kept his promise to only be with me? Still, it bothered me.

“When John told me he’d been you at the bar—again—I knew I had to get you away from that shit hole; that’s why I brought you here. You promised yourself to me and I’m going to make sure you keep your word.”

Shaking, I frowned. “Shit.” I couldn’t talk my way out of this one.

Like a flip of a switch, he instantly grew angry, and his jaw tensed. He pushed me to arm’s length and smirked. My cheek stung the second his hand connected. “Dammit, K. Why do you make me do that? Why can’t you just be a good girl and do as you’re told? Now I have to prove my point.”

“GET OUT, WHORE.” Cody opened my door and pulled me out by the arm. He removed the blindfold and shoved me away from the truck. As he hit the gas, I turned away in time for the dirt that flew from his tires to pepper my back instead of my face.

The entire time in the truck, he ridiculed me for being easy with the guys at the bar. Even though he said he wasn’t jealous, it had been obvious to me that he was. Very much so. I couldn’t do anything but beg for forgiveness, which I had done every day since he found out.

A trailhead miles outside of Anchorage ran alongside the road, hooded by trees. The blindfold kept me from knowing exactly where I was. If not for the lights from the city, I would have been screwed. I walked as fast as I could down the uneven path until I reached the highway.

Temperatures had dropped and with minimal clothes, I shivered as I followed the signs to the city.

Traffic was nonexistent after midnight, so no one knew I was out here all alone.

It must have been two miles before the first exit to the city became visible.

Exhausted, I pushed to pick up my pace and jogged down the ramp to the access road.

Shadows hid the beauty I was sure was all around me. Strange sounds came from the trees and on the ground. I was so pissed at Cody that I almost didn’t hear the grunts behind me on the trail. I just wanted to go home.

By the time I made it back to civilization—aka a trailer park—I had gotten over being upset and just wanted to be warm. A rustling of sorts came from a nearby garbage can and I hoped it was someone I could go to for help.

I froze when the dark shape turned—it hadn’t noticed me, yet .

I was still drunk and the effects of the Oxy hadn’t completely worn off.

I stumbled, which made the bear turn and focus on me.

My heart raced and I held my breath. Is this it?

Is this how my life is gonna end? Maybe if I don’t move, he won’t see me.

The bear stood on his hind legs and sniffed the air. I knew right then he had caught my scent. This must be my karma. This is God's way of punishing me for the life I’ve lived.

My entire life in Alaska never brought me so close to a bear. My hazy brain made it hard to recall the training we had in elementary school.

Stay calm and identify yourself. That sounded ridiculous, but I was willing to give it a shot. “Hey mister bear. Or, God I hope not, missus. Please don’t have cubs. My name is Kennedy. I’m a human. Please don’t eat me.”

Make yourself look as large as possible and don’t scream. I raised my hands, palms out as if to inform the bear I wasn’t armed and backed away slowly.

The monster took four steps toward me before I found enough strength to run. Oh no. I forgot: don’t run. Focused on moving faster than the beast, I remembered not to scream. I was so scared, and it was so cold that my cries remained in my throat.

The first trailer I came upon had a shed positioned close enough to the house for me to fit between the buildings; the bear was too big. I forced myself into the small space at the same instant the bear slammed into the shed.

Somehow, I managed to squeeze myself further into the space just out of reach of the bear. Its claws tore the skin on my arm, and I forced a scream into the cold night air. A light turned on in the window beside the shed.

“I SUPPOSE you had to pay the nice gentleman back for the phone call. Did you go down on him? Did he choke you? You better not have let him fuck you; you know you’re mine.”

“What? Cody, no. You know you’re the only one for me. I love you.” The horrible argument from just hours before had been forgotten in the midst of the bear attack.

“How’d you get the scratches on your arm, then? That bullshit bear story is one of your worst lies ever. I swear I don’t know how you got so stupid.”

The ride back to downtown Anchorage made me uncomfortable. He seriously thought I had offered myself in exchange for a phone call. He didn’t understand at all how scared I had been. The bear could have eaten me alive, and Cody didn’t believe a word of my story.