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Virgil bows, then approaches Maeva. When she notices him beside her, those ocean eyes light up.

Something in my heart clenches at the small smirk playing on his lips.

He takes a seat beside her, joining in on her conversation with Riordan.

She looks happy and content—something she’d never be with me if she knew everything.

The sins I carry burden my soul, haunting me in my sleep.

I might suppress them when I’m awake, but it’s in my deepest slumber that I’m tormented— as I should be.

Across the fire, Maeva catches a glimpse of me watching her.

Her fair cheeks turn the brightest rosy-pink, as she offers me one of her rare smiles.

The world fades away because it’s the first time in weeks that I’ve seen her genuinely happy to have my attention.

Of course, I’m the one who’s pushed her away, but I wish she could understand it’s only to protect her.

She’s light and beauty divine—everything I desire but know can never be.

Her smile threatens to consume me, and Holy Celestae…

I’d allow it if it meant I’d be with her for Eternity.

She breaks the connection and rejoins the conversation she’s a part of, the feeling slowly fading. I can’t tear my eyes away from her, even though I know I should. It isn’t honorable to give her false hope. It isn’t fair to allow myself to dream of such a union.

Laisren nudges me, passing me a flask from his secret stash of ale. “Are you going to tell her?” he whispers.

“Tell her what?” I ask, taking a sip.

“That you love her,” Laisren states.

I nearly choke on the bitter liquid. Of all the things I expected him to say, it surely wasn’t that. Does he truly believe I can be honest with her or even tell her that I miss her… that I love her?

No, I can’t love her…

Even if every fiber of my being already does.

“Why would I tell her that?” I deadpan.

Laisren huffs in disbelief. “You do love her, Emyr. Everyone notices it—even Virgil, who’s bloody emotionless, can see it. You’ve been devoted to her from the beginning, yet you deny it. Why?” he asks.

From the beginning.

Yes, I’ll admit that from the very first moment that I ever laid eyes on her, I was enraptured by her.

How could I not be? It’s just in her nature to win over hearts.

She’s captivated all of us. Her essence pulls us into her path, and all we can do is hold on for dear life, following her until the end of our days.

“You know we can’t be together, Laisy,” I mumble.

“If you told her the truth, I’m sure she’d underst-”

“No, she wouldn’t,” I interrupt. “It’d be the final straw to push her away, Laisren. I’m not ready to lose her just yet.”

Laisren sighs, rubbing his neck. “She deserves to hear how you feel,” he scolds. “She’s owed the truth, and the sooner you tell her, the better it will be for both of you. You’ve carried this burden long enough, Emyr.”

“I can’t,” I say. “Perhaps that makes me a coward, but I just can’t.”

“She loves you too, you know,” Laisren says.

I look at my friend, hoping that what he says is true, while simultaneously wishing that she didn’t.

Laisren is the only one that I’ve ever been able to tell of my past and not receive condemnation for it.

I don’t know why I deserve such loyalty, but I’m eternally grateful for him.

“I know,” I whisper. “But she shouldn’t. ”

After a stretch of silence, Laisren stands up, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll take the first watch at the entrance,” he says. “Just… think about it, Emyr. You and I both know that time is unkind to all. Don’t wait until the final minute.”

Then, I’m left alone, afraid to entertain such notions.

It’s late when I unfurl the blankets I packed for Maeva and myself. Though I place hers near mine, I ensure to maintain a foot or two between us. I’d love to wrap my arms around her, but I don’t need the temptation. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

Slowly, Riordan and Virgil follow suit, taking up a space opposite of us.

Yawning, Maeva lies down, curling the blanket around herself.

I lay down as well, facing her. One of her hands supports her head as she stares back at me.

I offer a small smile, which she returns with a somnolent one of her own.

Her damp hair falls in beautiful ringlets and waves that have partially dried.

Why did you have to make her a vision, Siorai? I curse.

“Goodnight, High General,” she murmurs.

“Goodnight, Rosey,” I whisper.

My body tightens as her dainty hand takes hold of mine. Instead of pulling away, I allow my fingers to wrap around hers. Something catches in my throat as the warmth from her contact spreads through my hand. She offers me one more affectionate look, and my heart clenches.

You’re a fool, Emyr.

Within moments, she drifts off to sleep, and I take a deep breath. She didn’t say it, but she shared a glimpse of her emotions with me, and it shattered my very being.

She loves me, I think, with both sorrow and joy mingling in my heart .

It’s what I’ve desired for so long, yet I realize how selfish I’ve been with her. I try to wriggle my hand free from hers, but the movement causes her grip to tighten.

How befitting.

As much as I’ve tried to pull away from her in the last several months, I’ve never succeeded because I can’t…

Though I should.

Once she learns of all the horrid things I’ve been forced to do, she’ll never forgive me, I remind myself, as my heavy lids close and sleep overtakes me.

After all, how can she, when I can’t even forgive myself?