Page 39 of When We Fall: Part One

“It was shit,” Fox said. “From what we know of it. We don’t know everything, but we have a good idea.”

“That’s the problem. I think this Everett guy coming back into the picture with everything is making Ethan worse. This sugar stuff and the stress of everything. I’m scared we’re going to lose him.” I stared at my hands as I twisted them together. “I-I wish there was a way out.”

“There is, but it’s through a body bag,” Fox muttered.

“The fuck?” Cole snarled, getting to his feet. “No one is going to die. Don’t say that shit.”

“Cole, man, you know what’s going on around us. We’re only getting deeper?—”

“Yeah, but deeper doesn’t always mean a fast track to a fucking hole in the ground, asshole. It’s just our rise to the top!” Cole shook his head, his blue eyes filled with anger.

Fox sighed and didn’t argue, but I knew what he was thinking because it was the same thing I was thinking.

None of this was going to take us anywhere good.

“I’m going to shower.” Cole stormed out of the room without another word, leaving me alone with Fox.

“Do you actually believe someone is going to die?” I whispered.

“Someone has to be the statistic,” he answered. “I really fucking hope it’s me.”

I snapped my focus to him, my heart in my throat.

“Why would you say that?” My voice was shrill, my heart aching at his words. Losing Fox would end me. Losing any of them would. The thought alone made me tremble and feel sick.

Fox’s blue eyes met mine, his words soft. “Because if I die, you’ll be free. You’ll be safe. And I want that more than anything else in this world. Even if it means I’m not there for it. You’re worth my life and every life I live after, Rosie.”

“Fox.” My throat tightened as I reached for him. “There is no life without you. Without them. Don’t talk like that. I don’t like it. It scares me.”

“I’m sorry.” He reached out and pulled me into his arms and held me.

“Why aren’t you happy anymore, Foxy?” I choked out.

He was quiet as I buried my face in his neck and clung to him.

“This wasn’t supposed to be our life,” he finally whispered, still holding me. “I always envisioned you and me. Together. Married. Kids. Both living our dreams but doing it together. I’m not going to get that dream. I know I’m not. Enzo is going to marry you. Cole will fill you with babies. E will keep you stressed and worried about him. And me? Fuck, I’m feeling lost, I guess.”

“I’m lost too,” I managed to say. “I hate that I am.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

I pulled away and looked at him, noting the glimmer of his blue eyes. He reached out and cradled my face; there was so much love and adoration on his face that it made my chest clench.

“What do we do, Foxy? How do we survive?”

“I guess we just keep breathing until we can’t anymore.”

“Is that what you’re doing?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“Why didn’t you say you didn’t want me to marry Enzo? I-I thought everything was good?—”

He pressed a finger to my lips to silence me.

“I want us all together. This ensures it. I just don’t like what it means. I guess I thought shit wouldn’t get this way. I was naive to think we’d grow up to have normal lives. Normal isn’t who thehorsemen are, I guess. Maybe I’m living too much on hope and not reality. E is sick. Enzo is losing himself as he rises to the top. Cole’s sanity is on the brink of madness. Once he topples, there will be no coming back. And you…” He thumbed my bottom lip. “You’re going places, Rosie. We all know you are. I only hope the destination is one I get to travel with you. That we all do.”

“But?” I prompted, knowing there was more.