Page 51

L ogically, I knew we needed to flee, but my body felt so far away, like I was rooted to the spot.

I stared at the tent entrance where I’d last seen Dimitri, as though in a trance.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the thought floated around that if I didn’t move, if I didn’t carry on, then this wouldn’t be my reality. That maybe this was just a nightmare, a bad dream, and I’d wake up if I just stayed still.

“Majesty,” Rayven said, stepping in front of my line of sight so I could no longer see where Dimitri had departed from.

My gaze drifted to the side where my father’s body lay, his form much too still. The pool of blood around him was so dark it was almost black, though it had stopped spreading before it could touch my boots.

From what sounded like far away, I could hear the guards outside yelling after Dimitri, then arguing about entering the tent.

“Aviva,” Rayven said softly, crouching down to peer right into my eyes, “we have to go now .”

Ever so slowly, I peeled my gaze away from Father’s form, meeting Rayven’ s eyes.

My entire body felt numb, as though it wasn’t really mine anymore. I’ve done so many horrible things with my body, with these hands…

From far away, I felt my limbs begin to shake.

“We’re going to sneak out of here using the shadows, and we won’t stop until we reach the others, alright? I’ll lead the way, but I need you to hold onto me when we shift—can you do that?” he asked, still searching my eyes for any sign of emotion.

I blinked, the words the others standing out, clinging to the air around me. After a heartbeat of processing, I nodded.

“I can do that,” I confirmed, my voice sounding so small compared to usual.

Rayven nodded, then used a shadow at the edge of the tent to wield, until he no longer stood in front of me. Not physically, anyways.

I took a deep, shaky breath. I could feel the incoming panic flooding my veins, but I did my best to block it out. With the panic, I could feel my zirilium surging, trying to overpower my control.

After quickly collecting Elaera and my mother’s dagger, I turned back towards my father’s form and slipped the ring off of my finger. I gently tossed it, the ring landing perfectly on his torso, near the crystal protruding from his chest.

Turned out the backup plan hadn’t been necessary, after all.

Forcing myself to face the shadows again, I focused on my breathing. Then, I threw my energy out into the surrounding shadows until a connection was solidified between myself and a shadow not too far from Rayven.

Each time I shadow wielded, the tingling sensation and form shift came faster than the previous time. I tunneled all of the energy I could muster up into that connection, until I could no longer feel the blood dripping down my neck and arm, or any part of my body at all.

Rayven’s shadow came closer, and I tethered my energy to his. I imagined it as though I was reaching out to take his hand in mine, as you would in a physical form, and the connection between us as friends and shadows filled in the gaps.

Once we were firm in our tether, he shot forward, slipping beneath the edges of the large tent and spearing towards the safety of the South.

I couldn’t help but look back at my father one last time, the image of him, his blood, and the crystal through his heart burned into my mind.

I heard the panicked shouts begin behind us just as we slipped away.

The King was murdered.

King Horace Heartshire is dead.

***

Being tethered to Drayven, I didn’t have to put much thought into where we were going, I simply held on and trusted him to get us back safely.

I allowed him to drag me along, making sure to keep pace with him as we soared across the battlefield, leaping from shadow to shadow.

A battlefield that was slowly growing emptier by the minute, as I watched more and more Northerners and griffins turn tail and run—or fly—the other way. Dimitri must have given out the signal, because soon the word retreat was all I could hear as Northerners yelled to those around them to flee.

Once it was obvious the children of the sky were giving up, cheers rang out across the hills, from both the Islanders and the South.

After the cheers died down, the reality of the situation seemed to overwhelm the surrounding soldiers.

We had won, but at what cost?

And what had made them retreat?

I was sure Byn and I would have to make a formal announcement explaining what happened, and that King Horace Heartshire of the North of Inphis was now deceased.

My father.

I… I actually did it.

I killed him.

The fact crashed into me like a typhoon. I may not be able to feel my body the same in this shadow form, but my emotions were definitely still present, and overwhelming.

The guilt, the sadness, the frustration, the hurt, the anger—all of this and more swirled around in what I imagined was the shadow equivalent of my chest, wrapping around my heart and squeezing until it ached.

As we moved, aiming for the trees we had set up camp in before the battle, I couldn’t help but glimpse at each body we passed. I checked to see if it was somebody else I knew, if I had lost another friend. If I’d lost more of my family.

The guilt hit harder with each too-still form I saw, and my thoughts grew louder until I couldn’t hear any of the soldiers we passed, whether they were cheering or crying.

If I had killed my father sooner, would these soldiers still be alive?

How many of these people have family, and are wishing to the Stars that they come home safely, not knowing they’re already gone?

Does taking the life of my father cleanse my soul of all the soldiers that fell today?

The rise in my emotions sent me spiraling, and I couldn’t even tell how long it had been since Rayven and I fled the scene.

In the middle of my panic, I forced myself to focus on my surroundings for just a heartbeat.

I quickly noticed that we were almost to the safety of the trees, and that it had begun to turn dusk.

The battle had lasted less than a full day.

Next to my own panic, I felt Byn’s emotions rising in me once again, just as heavy as my own. He lost his brother today, and countless soldiers. The weight of which, I knew, would stick with him for the rest of his days.

Just as it would burden me, too.

That, and more.

Before I could even process where we were, Rayven severed the tether between us and materialized before a portion of the Valwain I recognized as Byn, Chess, Laurence, and Eden.

I remained in the shadows, though I noticed Byn and Laurence looking around for me.

Rayven gave Byn a speedy report with vague details, just providing the main points.

From far away, I heard Byn say that Teagan was at camp with Margo, and Quinn was with her soldiers, having taken up her place in the front lines after Rayven and I departed.

He also mentioned that Quinn should be reporting to him soon, so they could go over body count, wounded, and discuss taking Ezra home.

The debriefing between the two took less than a minute, and then Rayven leaned into Byn’s ear and murmured something I couldn’t quite catch.

Byn began to scan the shadows, presumably for me.

Byn nodded to Rayven, the two males clasping forearms, then Rayven peeled away from the group, heading towards the Islanders.

“Aviva?” Byn called out softly, looking around once again.

I could almost feel him tugging on our connection, on the bond between us, and then his eyes snapped to the shadow of the tree where I was. How, exactly, he knew, I was unsure.

Byn looked to Chess and Laurence and asked if they could wait nearby, and they nodded before slipping away, farther into the trees, with Eden in tow.

He then came and sat right next to where he knew I was, loosening a breath.

“My love, you can come out now. It’s just us.” He paused. “We both know you can’t hide from this. I can feel it, you know. The panic, the guilt. It’s eating you alive. Please, come here.”

Hearing him speak so gently and lovingly to me, after all that I’d done, cracked something inside of me.

I let go of the connection between myself and the shadows around me, and sat next to my husband, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

Byn went to wrap his arms around me, but I cringed away, making him pause.

“Please,” I whispered, “don’t touch me.”

His expression fell, and it made me feel even worse—something I didn’t realize was possible.

His disappointment was palpable, but he nodded his understanding. He shifted so he was sitting directly in front of me, close, but not touching. I wrapped my wings around the two of us, blocking us in from the outside world.

Feeling like I added to his burdens, a single tear slipped loose.

Then another.

I couldn’t help but feel unworthy right now. I didn’t deserve the love Byn was offering me, laying at my feet.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Avi,” Byn said softly, trying to coax me back to reality instead of drowning in my own head.

I took a moment to ponder. Should I be honest? I knew we agreed to be open, but he hid his rising emotions from me until he physically couldn’t anymore. Should I push him out, the same way he did me? Was it worth it? Part of me thought so, but an even larger part of me was begging to let him in.

Deciding to just go for it, I whispered, “I don’t deserve this.”

“I know, love. You deserve better than—” I shook my head, cutting him off.

“I don’t deserve this. ” I motioned to the small space between us.

“I’m unworthy of the love you offer me, Byn.

My name will go down in history as Kin-Slayer , and nothing more.

With my mother, it was an accident. I couldn’t control it.

But this time, I mean… I knew exactly what I was doing, and what would happen. And I did it anyways .”

The tears flowed freely now, and my breathing came faster and harsher.