Page 62 of When I Should’ve Stayed (Red Bridge #2)

Josie

I am officially Aunt Josie.

Norah sits on the bed, happily munching on a burger and fries Breezy grabbed for her from a burger joint up the street, and Bennett sits on the edge of her bed, smiling at my sister like she is his sun and moon and stars.

I cuddle Autumn Josie Bishop— yes , I cried when Norah told me her middle name—close to my chest, gently rocking her in the rocking chair in the corner of the room.

Her eyes are closed, and I take in every perfect inch of her tiny face.

Long, dark eyelashes, so much hair, and the poutiest little mouth I’ve ever seen, my niece is a beauty.

But I’m not the least bit surprised. Norah is gorgeous, and Bennett is crazy handsome.

The two of them were bound to make beautiful babies.

Autumn was born at 10:15 this morning weighing seven pounds and twelve ounces.

She has the bluest of eyes—like most newborns do—has a head full of dark hair, and didn’t hesitate to let the world know when she arrived.

The girl screamed at the top of her lungs, and the instant the doctor put her on Norah’s chest, she stopped crying and stared up at my sister in a way only a baby looks at their mother.

Seeing my sister give birth will be one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Norah was so strong, and Bennett was so supportive, and once I knew that both mom and baby were safe and healthy, I stepped out of the delivery room to give them some time alone.

I also had to hide myself in one of the waiting room restrooms so I could sob my eyes out.

My heart is so full, so happy for my sister and Bennett, so filled with joy to have this new little person to spoil and love, but I can’t deny that a cloud of bittersweet melancholy made my chest ache for reasons no one but I can understand.

It took me a long moment to collect myself, but eventually, I was able to walk out of the bathroom stall, freshen up my face, and head back into Norah’s delivery room to celebrate the birth of my niece.

“Congratulations, Mom and Dad!” a voice I know like the back of my hand bellows, and I look up to see a smiling Clay walking through the door. His hands are filled with balloons and a teddy bear and a pink gift bag.

I know that today is a big day, a very special day, and it makes complete sense that he’s here to meet his best friend’s daughter, but I swear, hardly a day goes by without me having to see him in some fashion.

I’m almost certain he’s doing it on purpose, but I refuse to acknowledge it.

The last thing you can do with a guy like Clay is give him the time of day.

He’s like a golden retriever just waiting for any attention you’re willing to offer him.

And if you do give in and give him attention, it only makes him want more and more and more.

“Congrats, Mama.” He walks over to Norah to give her a kiss on the cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that I have food,” my sister says around a mouthful of fries.

Clay grins and proceeds to give Bennett a bro-hug, clapping a hard hand on his back. “Congrats, Dad.”

“Thanks, man.”

Clay sets the balloons and gifts on the floor beside Norah’s bed and heads straight over to where I sit with Autumn in the rocking chair. “Congrats, Aunt Josie.”

“Thanks.” I offer a friendly smile, and Clay gazes down at the sleeping baby in my arms with nothing but love and affection in his eyes.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispers, and I nod.

“She certainly is.”

He smiles at me, and emotion lodges itself in my throat as I take in how enamored he is with my new niece. I saw how Clay was with Summer, and I’ve seen the way he always is with all the kids in town, but for some reason, today, it’s like I’m seeing it all with a magnifying glass.

It makes it so easy, too painfully easy, to envision what he would be like as a father.

I swallow hard against the tightness in my throat and nod toward Autumn. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Yeah?” Clay asks, surprise in his voice.

“Of course,” I say, my words genuine. “Surely this little girl would like to meet her Uncle Clay.”

His heart is in his eyes, and I purposely look down at Autumn as I rise to my feet to hand her off to Clay. He carefully takes her into his arms and stares down at her as he gently rocks her within his safe hold.

“Goodness, you’re a little sweetheart, aren’t you?

” Clay whispers toward her. “One day, I’m going to tell you about your big sister Summer, and I’ll show pictures of her and tell you all the silly, funny things she used to say.

” Clay flashes a soft smile to both my sister and Bennett before looking back down at Autumn.

“And I’ll tell you all the things you need to say to get your grumpy dad to give you whatever you want.

Or, you know, you can just ask your mom, because she certainly has your daddy wrapped around her finger. ”

Bennett chuckles. Norah grins, the lift of her lips knowing and amused.

“It’s crazy how you can love a little person so much and you’ve just met them,” he says, and his eyes meet mine.

“I know.” And it’s crazy how you can love a little person so much, even though you never got to meet them.

“Clay, do you think you’ll ever want to have kids of your own?” my sister asks, and my back goes stiff. I don’t feel angry at Norah for asking him a question like that—a question that threatens to bring so many horrible triggers of mine to the surface. She doesn’t know the story.

Though, that doesn’t negate the fact that I really wish she’d never asked the question in the first place.

“I don’t know.” Clay just shrugs one shoulder, still rocking Autumn gently in his arms. “I’ve never put too much thought into it,” he says.

“When I think about the future, like five or ten years down the road, I just hope I get to love the kind of woman who makes me a better man, who makes me face my fears of things like climbing water towers. The kind of woman who makes you get down on one knee just to ask her out on a first date.” He shrugs again.

“Kids aren’t really on my radar, you know?

I’m not against having kids, but my future doesn’t depend on having kids either. ”

I can feel Norah’s eyes on me, but I ignore her and pretend to be busy with rearranging the drawer of Autumn’s hospital bassinette, my heart clamoring desperately in my throat. He knows the things he’s saying, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of reacting. I can’t.

The conversation shifts when Breezy steps into the room and she and Clay moon over how cute little Autumn is, but doubt creeps into my mind and starts to fester.

I left Clay because I wanted him to have the opportunity to have kids, and he’s saying he might not even use it?

I fight against an evil voice as it niggles at my nerves.

Maybe you should’ve stayed.