Page 10 of When I Should’ve Stayed (Red Bridge #2)
Josie
Clay steps back from Sheila, his jaw turning rigid as I’m unable to tear my eyes away from him. He’s a kind human with a big heart and an even bigger personality, and while I don’t know exactly what led to Sheila Higgins hugging him so tightly, I’m not surprised to see it either.
He’s always been generous with the people of Red Bridge, even more so after becoming a city councilman, and community outreach is an important part of his persona.
I didn’t think in my wildest dreams, though, that he’d take his sense of duty this far. Seeing him, like this, standing in line in my brand-new business to patronize it on its maiden voyage just under four months after I forced him out of my life…it’s got me feeling some kind of way.
Ooey, gooey, dangerous feelings. Ones that are a stark reminder of the four-letter-word I still hold in my heart for him.
And in an attempt to smother each and every vestige of the notion, I lock my heart in the attic of my chest and throw away the key, hardening my every emotion with ice until I’m cold all the way through. I don’t need Elsa to work her magic—I’m already an ice queen.
Sheila turns around as she realizes that Felix is done and gone, and she runs up to the counter, a huge smile on her face and tears of gratitude in her eyes.
It’s all I can do not to ask her why—not to invite more conversation that I know will make me melt—and my whole body shakes as I take her order for one of my specialty coffees made with brown sugar and cinnamon and try to carry on like I’m not dying inside.
My body is on autopilot, calling the order to Todd and writing Sheila’s name on the cup before taking her cash, the heavy heat of Clay’s eyes burning right through me the whole time.
I know I’m currently making small talk with her and thanking her for stopping by, but truthfully, I wouldn’t be able to recall what I’m even saying if Sheriff Peeler had to interrogate me about it.
I take a deep breath and steel myself against the sting of tears in my nose, licking my lips and smoothing my apron down my body with almost untenable anxiety when I turn away to grab her drink from Todd.
And I have to swallow hard as I hand it over the counter with a smile that feels as if it could crack like an eggshell. “Thanks again for stopping by, Sheila.”
“Of course! Congratulations, Josie!” she exclaims before turning on her heel to leave me out in the open to my next customer.
I feel like I’m living a real-life nightmare, the one where you’re naked in public and everyone is staring at you.
But my heart is the only thing that’s bared, and Clay’s eyes might as well be the optical version of a hawk.
Just breathe, Josie. Just breathe.
His face is a mask of unknowns as he steps up to the counter, and I discreetly inhale much-needed oxygen, even though the room feels like someone has sucked out all of the air.
“Hi,” I say simply, hoping it doesn’t sound like I feel. “What can I get you?”
I know it’s distant. I know it’s cold. I know it must sting. But it feels incredibly reasonable right now, given it’s the only viable way for me to survive.
His jaw clenches hard, pinching the skin of his tanned cheek into a dimple I know he doesn’t have.
“Is that really how it’s going to be?” he asks bluntly, and it’s not that I don’t expect it—Clay’s never been one to beat around the bush.
But, still, it feels akin to a nuclear bomb… absolutely impossible to withstand.
My hackles rise as a method of self-defense. It’s the only option left before crumbling right here. “You didn’t have to come in here, you know.”
My lashing lands just as I’d expect, breaking open more than just the skin, and Clay has to take a step back to keep himself in check. The less he recognizes the woman he fell in love with, the better off we’ll be. To be fair, at least, I don’t recognize her either.
“I was trying to do the right thing,” he says, but there’s nothing gentle about his delivery.
“The right thing at this point would be to leave me alone.” Every word burns, but I force them out all the same, watching as they turn the most loving man I’ve ever known into someone else entirely.
There are some wounds you can’t heal, and I hate with every fiber of my being that that’s what I’m hoping for.
“You know what, Jose? If you want to be left alone, I’ll leave you alone,” he spits. “Not just now either. I’ll do you one better and never fucking set foot in CAFFEINE again. How’s that?”
His voice is much louder now, and the dull roar of other chatter in the café slows to a stop. I don’t dare look around to see who’s watching—I already know it’ll be everyone.
“That’s perfect,” I say instead, not feeling a single truth in my words. “I don’t want to see you, Clay, and the sooner you get that through your head, the better. You stay out of here and I’ll stay out of The Country Club, and both of us can move on with our lives.”
He stares at me for a long moment, time ticking slower than it’s ever ticked before.
And when he finally opens his mouth, he says two words that should bring me relief, but all they do is slice my chest open and make me bleed.
“We’re done,” he replies, his voice choked with so much pain.
“Yeah, Clay,” I agree, forcing myself to ignore the clawing ache of emotion that wants to migrate up my throat. “We are so done.”
Spinning on his heel, he shoves through the two people behind him without any care or regard, and I hold my breath so completely I don’t know if it’ll ever start again.
Just like that, he’s gone, out of my coffee shop and out of my life. I can’t wait for the day this won’t hurt so fucking much.