Page 21 of Wanting Daisy Dead

Georgie

We just got back from the beach trip. Feelings from long ago have been dredged up.

Watching Dan chase Maddie along the shore reminded me of the other times, with Daisy.

I was surprised how much it hurt, and it sucked me back until I was drowning in the past. I haven’t gone to my room because Dan will follow me in there, and I don’t want to be alone with him.

I don’t want to have to dredge over everything Teresa said about Dan harassing Daisy and me scaring her.

I hated myself back then, and there’s no justification for what happened.

I came to sit in the living area to escape him, avoid talking.

But he’s followed me in here and is now lying on the sofa.

‘Where are the others?’ he asks.

‘Maddie’s gone for a shower. Lauren’s in her room, I think. Why are you lying across the sofa like that?’

‘Sorry, is it affecting your feng shui? Does my untidy body bother you?’

‘You know it does, so just indulge me, Dan, and stop being a mess.’

He rolls his eyes at this. ‘You okay after what Teresa said?’

I shrug. ‘I feel pretty numb. I’m not sure who I hate most, her, you – or me.’

‘Yeah, it wasn’t easy to hear any of that, was it? But Teresa wasn’t there, she doesn’t know anything.’

‘I hope not.’ I take a deep breath. ‘In other news, Lauren’s notebook fell out of her pocket on the bus. It landed on the floor by my feet.’

He looks at me doubtfully. ‘Are you sure it just fell? I reckon you took it out of her pocket.’

‘I didn’t. I wouldn’t dream of rifling through someone’s pockets.’

‘Liar. You go through mine all the time.’

‘That’s because you can’t be trusted. Anyway, shut up.

I jumped down and picked up her notebook before she could, and it fell open, and guess what?

’ I move to the edge of the sofa, and speak even more quietly, so he has to listen.

‘On the page it said “Daisy” in curly writing ... and there was a picture of a face, a girl’s face – like Daisy’s. ’

‘We’re all remembering her in our own way, Georgie.’

‘You don’t think it’s creepy?’

‘No, and I think you need to calm down. I’m still pissed off with you for the way you spoke to Maddie on the beach. I don’t want you taking this into dinner and having a pop at Lauren too.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry if I spoiled your beach romp with Baby Spice,’ I snap.

‘Shh. Remember we’re in a communal area, we’re being recorded.’

‘I don’t care, Dan, I’m trying to tell you what I saw, and what I say next will shock even you.’

‘Go on then, try me,’ he says, sounding bored.

‘The girl’s face ... in the doodle, the one that looked like Daisy?

’ I pause to make sure he’s with me, and speak slowly and clearly – because I want this to be recorded.

‘It was on its side and ... and what looked like blood trickled from the mouth !’ Just describing this makes me recoil inside.

‘I don’t care what you say, that is fucking insane . Lauren is obviously—’

‘Sorry, guys, I didn’t realise you were in here.’ Maddie’s soft, girlish voice oozes into the damning words I am about to spew across the living area.

‘That’s okay, Maddie, join us,’ Dan says.

‘No ... Don’t want to disturb you.’

‘No, do come in, Maddie, we’re just chatting.

’ I don’t want her to feel bad after me being a bit rude on the beach.

Damn – I managed to talk about the drawing for the recording, but I wanted two million people to know my theory about Lauren.

I can’t now say it in front of Maddie – she might tell Lauren and give her a chance to get her story straight.

‘I just had a lovely hot shower,’ she’s saying. Her hair’s wet, her face is pink and she’s in a short towelling robe.

Dan starts patting the sofa next to him. ‘Come and tell Uncle Dan all about it.’ Too far.

‘Uncle Dan? What the fuck ?’ I say, unable to hide my disgust. He can be such a dick sometimes – really puts himself in the firing line.

After what Teresa said about Daisy feeling uncomfortable when she was alone with him, you’d think he’d be careful saying predatory things to the women he lived with.

‘What? I’m only joking. Maddie knows that, don’t you, Maddie?’

‘Please keep “creepy uncle” out of your comedy repertoire,’ I say, trying to smile like it’s a joke, but my heart’s beating hard in my chest. He needs to watch it or he’s going to move straight to the number-one-suspect slot this weekend, and take me with him. Stupid bastard.

Meanwhile, poor Maddie shifts from one foot to the other; she doesn’t want to sit with him and anger me, but he’s still patting the sofa and she doesn’t want to offend him either.

‘Sit with me,’ I say. ‘Ignore him.’

Dan isn’t smiling now. He doesn’t like being made to look stupid in front of a pretty woman. So he stands up, mutters angrily about going for a nap and storms out of the room. I’m relieved. The mood he’s in, he’s safer on his own, away from female company.

‘So, how’s your day going?’ I ask Maddie, without acknowledging his departure.

She sits down next to me as I suggested. ‘Okay – yours?’

‘All fine.’ I smile, but it isn’t genuine.

I doubt Maddie realises that. We sit in silence, and I remember the awkwardness I always used to feel around her.

She’s a lovely person, but so quiet, and doesn’t really contribute much – never did.

She isn’t funny or clever, or even mean.

As Daisy used to say, ‘Maddie’s just .. . nice. ’

‘I can’t believe how young you still look, like time hasn’t passed and the rest of us got all the wrinkles,’ I say.

‘That’s kind of you, but I have fillers and Botox,’ she admits, like she’s confessing to a terrible sin.

‘You can’t tell, it looks very natural. Though I never expected you to have Botox.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know, it’s just that you’re so wholesome. You still vegetarian?’ I ask, for something to say.

She shakes her head. ‘Not anymore. If I was I’d have fallen off the wagon with that chicken liver parfait last night.’

‘Oh . . . Yes, of course.’

‘I gave up being veggie when I got my cat, Minty. She eats meat and fish, and it’s difficult to be a vegetarian when you live with a carnivore.’

‘Yeah, right,’ I say, nodding, like this makes sense.

I glance down at my magazine, trying to think of what to say next. I don’t know anything about her life now – didn’t know much about her back then, come to think of it.

‘I remember we all came to watch you in a play ... What was it now?’

‘ Macbeth .’

‘Oh God, yeah, I remember now – you were amazing, not at all like you.’

She laughs. ‘That’s what they call acting. I’m not really like Lady Macbeth.’

I smile at this, but before we can talk any more there’s a thumping sound and Lauren dashes into the doorway, hair on end, eyes wild.

‘Has something happened?’ I ask, alarmed. She looks absolutely terrified .

‘Yes ... I ... I saw her ... at the window, she was staring at me through the glass.’ She shudders at this. ‘She was standing there, her face pressed against the window. It was her .’

‘Who?’ asks Maddie.

‘ Daisy , of course!’ Lauren’s actually trembling.

‘No!’ The blood drains from Maddie’s face.

‘It isn’t Daisy.’ I shake my head dismissively. Lauren always has to be the centre of attention. She’s probably been sitting in her room for the past half-hour trying to work out how to create a drama.

‘I’m not making this up, Georgie,’ she says through gritted teeth, clearly irritated.

‘Well, you did make it up, because she’s ... dead ,’ I say, looking at her like she’s stupid. Which she is.

Maddie’s hugging her, and two accusing faces turn to stare at me.

‘Sorry, I know that sounds brutal – but ... she is!’

‘I miss Daisy.’ Lauren’s sniffling through the sobs. ‘I miss her so much.’

‘Me too.’ Maddie is now joining in.

I’m confused at the sudden emotion unravelling in front of me. Surely Lauren isn’t crying about Daisy after all this time?

This tableau before me is reminiscent of life before Daisy died. Girls constantly huddled in twos or threes, sharing secrets, crying, laughing or arguing. I always stayed detached and avoided the emotional mess of the young and hormonal sharing a living space.

‘Would it make you feel better to have a lie-down in your room? I’ll come with you if you like?’ Maddie’s saying.

‘No ... No. I’m just tired from writing, and thinking ... Being back here, remembering her again – it’s so unsettling.’

This is turning into mass hysteria, and I want no part in it.

‘I’ll go get ready for dinner,’ I announce, and return to my bedroom, where I’m disappointed to see Dan is taking up the bed. He’s fast asleep, and I kick him gently, but he doesn’t move so I kick harder.

‘Ouch, Georgie, what the hell?’

‘Why are you sleeping in my bed?’

‘Because I fancy Goldilocks ...’ he mutters.

‘Ugh. You have your own room, Dan.’

‘Yours is warmer. It’s over the boiler for the building.’

I give up trying to remove him when I realise that at least he’s someone to bitch with. ‘Honestly, the performance that’s going on out there,’ I say, climbing over him and plonking myself on the bed.

‘What?’ he mumbles through sleep.

‘Maddie and Lauren sobbing over Daisy.’

He stirs. ‘Well, Lauren was her best friend.’

‘More like best frenemy , and Maddie and Daisy weren’t that close, except for a few weeks when we all started in the first year, and whenever Daisy and Lauren fell out. Daisy soon dumped her when more interesting people turned up. And, hello, it was twenty years ago, get over yourselves!’

‘Freshers’ week was the best week of my life,’ he says sleepily.

‘I know Maddie’s daft, but why has she got caught up in Lauren’s drama? God, Lauren’s so fake – she pretends she’s this big author, making notes ... “Deadlines, deadlines.” What deadlines?’

He’s still half-asleep, rubbing his eyes. ‘Why are you so bothered about her?’ He slowly sits up, leaning on his elbows.

‘Because I still think she knows more than she’s letting on. She’s hiding something, Dan.’

‘Mmm, now you’re the one who’s being dramatic. In this febrile atmosphere I’d stay under the radar if I were you. Don’t go accusing, because it could put the spotlight on us and—’

‘I know , I’m not an idiot , Dan!’

‘Are you just jealous because she had all that success and money with her book?’ He’s teasing me, but we both know there’s some truth in it. ‘When her book was released, you refused to even send her a congratulations card, and told me if I sent her anything you’d file for divorce.’

‘I didn’t think it was appropriate that either of us stayed in touch, given Lauren’s closeness to Daisy.’

‘Why?’

Do I really have to spell it out? ‘Everything that happened between us and Daisy – she was best friends with Lauren, she must have told her.’

‘No . . . She didn’t.’

‘How do you know?’

‘I don’t.’

‘So why say it? Daisy more than likely told Lauren everything – and now with this podcast it’s even more risky. Lauren could totally drop us in it ...’

‘All the more reason for you not to be so vile to her – to everyone!’ he says, irritated, his face flushed with anger.

‘I don’t have to put up with this shit,’ I say, and, grabbing my towel and toilet bag, I head out of the room to take a shower.

My room has a small cubicle with a sink and toilet and shower, but I’m not going in there because he might invite himself in, and I’m not in the mood.

So I leave my room and head for the shared bathroom, and have to pass Lauren’s room to get there.

It’s then that I notice the door is still wide open from when she fled earlier, having apparently seen ‘Daisy’s ghost’!

I check behind me to make sure she and Maddie are still engrossed in their conversation about ‘grief’ in the living room. They are – so I go in.

Once inside, I’m straight to the laptop and quickly scrolling through her files, checking the door every few seconds.

I can hear Maddie and Lauren still talking, so I just keep going; this is my chance.

I browse several documents in a folder titled ‘ Books ’, and see one called ‘Daisy Harrington’.

On opening that document, I start to skim-read, and within seconds so many questions are answered.

Lauren’s behaviour, her attitude, her secrecy, now make sense – obvious, horrible sense.