Page 15 of Wanting Daisy Dead

Georgie

‘Reminds me of when we were first-years and trying to hide from everyone else in the apartment,’ Dan says.

We’re in my bedroom after dinner; I called him in because my mum rang to say the girls wouldn’t go to sleep until we FaceTimed with them.

So, as late as it is, we chatted to them for a few minutes, and it seems that talking to our girls has softened things between us a little, because he’s still here, talking about when we were first together.

‘It was so stressful. You were always sneaking in here in the middle of the night and convincing me to have sex with you,’ I say, pretending to be cross.

‘Was it like that? I don’t recall having to convince you that much.’

‘Our night-time adventures ended a long time ago, didn’t they?

’ I murmur, almost to myself. ‘Funny, isn’t it – when we were first together you didn’t want to be exclusive, and if anyone asked I had to lie and say we weren’t having sex.

Now, if anyone asked, I’m sure you’d like me to lie and say we are! ’

‘Yes, I would. It’s weird. We’re married and we haven’t had sex for months now. Let’s get together now, shall we?’ he asks, ever the optimist.

I’m on the bed and he’s on the floor, lying on his back looking up at the ceiling.

I can’t deny I’m vaguely tempted, but I’m not standing down so easily. He’s still in the ‘no sex’ punishment block after his dalliance last summer.

I lean over the bed to look at him. ‘No. You were supposed to be going back to your room after our call with the girls.’

‘Can’t I stay with you? Our old halls of residence have made me feel nostalgic ... Romantic.’

I snort at this. ‘You only want to be with me because you think I still fancy Alex.’

‘Well, do you?’

‘Depends. Who do you fancy this weekend?’

‘You,’ he lies. ‘Anyway, I’d steer clear of Alex, he’s looking pretty dodgy to me. He hasn’t turned up yet – is that to avoid any awkward questions?’

‘I doubt it – Alex doesn’t have anything to hide.’

‘How do you know?’

‘I just know, Dan, Alex is a nice guy.’

He’s gazing at me, and I know that look.

‘I remember, during the very first term when we lived in this apartment, I used to watch you go into Alex’s room and wish you were coming into mine.

’ He always loves to say that he took me from Alex – but I chose to leave Alex.

Dan loves imagining me with other men, and in the past, on a couple of occasions, we invited other people to join us, but it was fucked up.

Now he’s just hoping the conversation will lead to sex, but I don’t want sex.

‘So, why did you leave Alex for me? Was it my boyish charm and good looks?’

‘Well, Alex was gorgeous, very sexy, but I chose you because you seemed less complicated.’ I love winding him up.

‘For “less complicated” read “less interesting ”.’ He pulls a sulky face. ‘You forgot to say how clever and handsome and charismatic I was. Still am,’ he jokes.

‘No. I didn’t forget.’

He thinks I’m playing around, but these days I don’t see my husband as clever or handsome or charismatic.

He’s loud and stupid and annoying, and I’ve realised after too long that I’m with the wrong person.

The only reason I’m not walking away and taking the kids is because I still have this little bit of love left.

I know that I can’t walk away until that’s gone, because I’ll just come back. It makes no sense to me.

We’ve just been together so long, we can’t operate independently.

When we first met, I was impressed by his car and flattered by his attention.

He was the confident one, popular with his peers, always invited to parties and at the centre of things.

And when he finally asked me to be his girlfriend, a door was opened.

I was afforded the same kudos, and people assumed that because I was with him I must also be sociable, fun and charismatic.

Er, no. I was the plus-one, always in his shadow, and I still am.

Dan’s the star of our show, he gets the laughs and applause, while I take care of everything backstage.

My reward when we first got together was to be wherever he was.

Dan was everything Alex wasn’t, and I guess it was the thrill of the new for me.

Alex had a difficult childhood, and it messed him up.

Despite being cool and quietly confident, Alex struggled to get through most days; he was just incredibly sad and scared.

Sometimes he found it hard to leave his room and make it to lectures.

I used to hold him in the night after he’d taken pills that seemed to make him even sadder.

So Dan was like a ray of sunshine after a dark storm, and I thought I’d found what I was looking for, but Dan was more messed up than even Alex.

Thinking about Alex makes me sad. I entered his life and led him on, made promises I had no intention of keeping, and I still feel bad about that.

I feel bad about a lot of things that happened at uni.

So when he called me a few months ago, I was really glad to hear from him, and before he even started talking I said: ‘I just want to clear the air and apologise for the way I treated you all those years ago.’ I’d imagined he’d still be hurting, but I had obviously overestimated my impact on his life, because he made it clear he’d got over me pretty quickly back then.

But the other big reason I wanted to talk about that time was to find out if he’d seen me creeping back into the apartment the night Daisy died.

It’s always bothered me, because I lied to the police, told them I was in bed with Dan – when in fact I wasn’t, I was down on Exmouth Beach that night.

‘Do you remember?’ I asked him.

‘Yeah, I did see you that night,’ he said.

‘Did you tell anyone?’

‘No. I just hoped it had nothing to do with Daisy.’

‘It didn’t,’ I lied. ‘Thanks for not telling anyone.’

‘I just figured you’d had enough with all the Dan and Daisy shit going on. They were playing you, and she was playing him ... You weren’t a killer, were you, Georgie,’ he said. It was a statement, and not a question. I didn’t respond.

Then, when I got the invitation, I was glad we’d broken the ice a few months before, and I called him a few times.

I was feeling disillusioned with my marriage and I just wanted to talk to someone who’d once had feelings for me.

It was innocent on my part, and nice to reconnect with Alex – he’d always been kind to me regardless of how I’d treated him.

Now I move my mind away from Alex, turning my attention back to my husband, who’s still lying on the floor of my room.

‘Anyway, I think Lauren’s more dodgy than Alex,’ I say.

‘Tonight she was unintentionally hilarious, saying she wasn’t bragging about her three homes, but she so was!

’ He doesn’t respond, so I continue. ‘I mean, she’s only written one book.

I doubt she’s the millionaire author she makes herself out to be. ’

‘Oh, right,’ he says, a smile playing on his lips.

‘She’s always had a strange relationship with the truth. And that Gucci handbag is a fake.’

‘You’re kidding , right?’

‘No ... Her handbag’s fake and she’s fake ... I bet her outfit tonight was “pre-loved”.’

‘No . . .’

‘Oh yes, or it might even have been hired.’

‘Stop! She’s a pre-loved fake-handbag-wearing braggart who hires her dresses?’

I’m getting so carried away I only just realise he’s taking the piss.

‘Oh, you think you’re so funny.’ I’m deflated. ‘I thought for once you were seeing what I see. But how could you, because you only ever see women as sex objects? Anything more than bra size is beyond your comprehension.’

‘Ouch, you’re extra-salty tonight, Mrs Levine.’

‘I’m not salty , I’m frustrated because you aren’t listening . And stop trivialising my feelings. I’m not just being mean about Lauren. I think she’s hiding something. I have a theory ...’

‘Go on then, Poirot, give it to me.’

‘Do you remember when we first realised Daisy hadn’t come home the night before and that she was missing?’

‘How could anyone forget. It was the beginning of a nightmare ... I was so scared and—’

‘Okay, this isn’t about you , please stop talking and listen .

So, later that day, you, Alex and Maddie went out looking for her, while Lauren and I stayed at the apartment, supposedly in case Daisy came back.

But as soon as you’d all left, Lauren said she’d check Daisy’s room again .

I didn’t think anything of it at first, but after a few minutes .

.. I went to see if she’d found anything.

’ I glance over at him, to make sure he’s still with me.

‘And?’ He’s looking at me intently now.

‘So I went to Daisy’s room and stood in the doorway, but she didn’t realise I was there because she was too busy on Daisy’s laptop. She was glaring at it intently, like she was looking for something. I dunno, she looked really anxious, and that’s what first intrigued me. Lauren doesn’t do anxious.’

He pulls his mouth down on either side, in grudging agreement.

‘I assumed she was checking emails, trying to find clues as to where Daisy might be,’ I continue.

‘So I said something like, “Is there anything interesting there?” And she looked up and seemed really surprised, and almost threw the laptop in the air, which was an odd response. I’d definitely caught her doing something she shouldn’t. ’

‘What? Looking through someone’s laptop to help find them?’

I knew he’d defend her. ‘No, she wasn’t doing that.’

‘How do you know?’ he asks challengingly.

‘Lauren’s shiny red memory stick was in the laptop. I knew it was hers because just the day before she’d joked about how it looked like a lipstick.’

‘So what do you think she was doing?’ He’s still convinced Lauren is an angel, but he’s coming round to the alternative.

‘She was copying something from Daisy’s laptop! I reckon she was taking advantage of Daisy going missing to copy her coursework. You remember what they were like – Daisy really clever and Lauren always struggling because she was always late with assignments, usually in tears over the essays.’

‘That could make sense, I suppose? But wouldn’t we all do that in the situation?’

‘No, Dan, we wouldn’t! I certainly wouldn’t copy someone else’s work, especially if they’d gone missing.

It’s wrong on so many levels. It’s stealing .

She was copying or removing something that didn’t belong to her.

Think about it: Daisy had only just gone missing, and instead of trying to find her, Lauren’s on her laptop. What kind of best friend does that?’

‘It’s not necessarily bad , Georgie. She may have been deleting emails that Lauren knew Daisy wouldn’t want anyone to see?’

‘Perhaps ... But at that point we didn’t know Daisy was dead, we thought she was just missing.’

‘Yeah, well, we’ll never know.’

‘Well, I think we will. Lauren was jealous of Daisy. She’d been whining for weeks before that Daisy had an unfair advantage on the course because of the extra “help” she had from David.

Perhaps Lauren thought she would check out Daisy’s notes and steal them?

Or maybe she was looking for emails between David and Daisy? ’

‘Why would she do that?’

‘I don’t know, but what if Lauren was stealing Daisy’s files because she was the one who killed Daisy?’

‘Hang on.’ Dan sits up. ‘You can’t say that.’

‘Well, it would explain why she felt it was okay to wander into her room and start taking stuff off her laptop. If she knew Daisy wasn’t coming back.’

‘So, you’re saying it might look like Lauren knew Daisy was already dead, so she was getting rid of evidence?’

‘Possibly? Either she’s a psycho killer, or just a straight psycho stealing her missing friend’s work.’

‘She might have been deleting sex tapes they’d made or something ...’

‘Your mind went straight there, didn’t it?

What a surprise,’ I monotone. ‘ And ... And ...’ I start, sitting up now, moving to the edge of the bed.

‘A few days before Daisy went missing, she and Lauren had a really nasty fight.’ I make a mental note to remind everyone of this when the podcast is recording.

‘Yeah ... That fight wouldn’t look good for Lauren,’ he says, frowning.

‘And Lauren once had that scratch from Daisy’s nails down her face for weeks,’ I remind him. ‘Their friendship was intense – they were both so competitive. If Daisy had been given a really high mark, or been praised for some writing, Lauren wouldn’t speak to her!’

‘I still can’t see Lauren killing Daisy. Yeah, they were a bit feral at times, but this murder was brutal – I remember one of the detectives describing her body as one of the worst things he’d ever seen in his career ... And don’t forget, Daisy’s underwear had been removed.’

‘Mmm, I’d almost forgotten about that, Dr Watson. I guess my theory still needs some work.’

‘God, what a waste.’

I hate when he mourns for her; I feel so excluded .

‘Well, Dan ... if Tammy whatever-her-name-is has any proof at all that David was innocent, you are fucked. The underwear, the crime of passion, the way she was attacked ... It looks like a love affair gone wrong. And the finger could so easily point at you. God, Dan, you’re such an idiot.

Why did you even get involved with her?’

‘It wasn’t just me who got involved ... and you know it.’