Page 32 of Waiting for Love (The Taverstons of Iversley #3)

W hen Benjamin entered the study, Jasper was not behind his desk. He stood beside the window, gazing out. An open brandy bottle sat on the desk alongside two glasses: one had a full pour and the other was half-empty. Jasper had started without him. Benjamin didn’t touch the liquor. He felt deadened inside. This was not how this friendship was supposed to end.

Jasper did not turn around, but spoke as if to his reflection in the glass. “Explain to me, Benjamin, what it was that I just saw.”

“I don’t know what you mean. It was a game.” The evasion was disgustingly automatic.

Jasper finally turned. His finely chiseled features seemed to lose their definition. His face sagged. “I recall asking you, in this very room, not three days ago, to help me understand Olivia. I asked if you knew what was wrong.”

“Jasper—”

“You lied to me.”

Benjamin couldn’t speak. His tongue felt plastered to the roof of his mouth.

“The devil! It is so clear to me now. I cannot believe I was so blind. Every ball, every engagement with the ton, every carriage ride with a suitor, leaves her morose. The only time she smiles anymore is when she is with you! Benjamin, why didn’t you say something?”

“What could I have said?” He ground out the words.

Jasper threw up his hands. “That she was bothering you!”

A thud sounded somewhere above them. Jasper’s eyes veered ceilingward. He held up a hand, and, for a second, appeared to be listening intently. Then his hand dropped, and his focus returned.

Benjamin said, “She is not bothering—”

“Oh, for God’s sake. Stop being so noble.” Jasper marched to his desk and took another gulp from his glass. “Have a drink. Or sit down. You look about ready to faint.”

Benjamin reached for the glass and saw that his hand shook. He gripped the glass tightly, but didn’t drink.

Jasper set his own glass down. “The problem is no other man stands a chance.” He laughed roughly. “She is still infatuated. You are still the one who…who will skip around with her pretending to be a horse! Can you picture Ebersom being so ridiculous? Or even Carleton, who is certainly no stranger to playing the fool?” He rubbed his hand against his temple. “I thought she had grown out of this.” He stared a moment, eyes glazing over. Then he raised his head. “I am sorry. This is not fair to you. You’ve always been kind to her—”

“I am not being kind!”

“No, it isn’t kind. It encourages her.” His head bowed and he blinked a few times before looking up. “But damn it. I’m sorry. You wanted to go back to Chaumbers, and I wouldn’t let you. You should have been honest with me.”

“Jasper, I need to be honest now . I can’t—”

“We will work this out. I’ll speak to her. I should have given her hell when she tore off your cravat. That was beyond the pale.” He shook his head. “We can’t lose you, Benjamin. You understand, we need you.”

Benjamin’s jaw dropped. “What the blazes! I’ve been lying to you! You can’t keep me on.”

“Your damn honor! This is what I feared would happen! Benjamin, you straightened out the mess that was Chaumbers. My tenants are more content than I’ve seen them in years. In two weeks, you’ve seen to at least a year’s disrepair in this place. You even got Reg on more secure financial footing without offending him. Which is something I have never been able to do.” He clenched his fists. “You can’t let Olivia’s silliness drive you away. Not again.”

“Are you finished?”

Jasper started at his tone. “Maybe.”

“Sit down. Sit down and listen.” He waited until Jasper pulled out his chair and sat. “You might want to pour yourself another.”

Jasper glanced at his glass, then back at Benjamin. “I suppose that depends upon what you mean to say.”

“You should not have hired me. It is laughable that you talk of my ‘honor’ when you don’t know me from Adam.” He stopped Jasper’s protest. “You don’t. You hired me without references when you hadn’t seen me for over four years! That was irresponsible. Iversley .”

“I know you. Character does not change.”

“You hired me without asking what I’d done in Canada.”

“You were working for the Hudson’s Bay Company.”

“I was stealing from the Company.”

Jasper’s jaw dropped. Then he snapped it shut and scowled. “I very much doubt that.”

“I was an inventory clerk. I kept track of what came into the warehouses and what went out. The books I kept never matched the reality.” Jasper’s only reaction was to keep his gaze steady on Benjamin’s face. “Everyone stole from the company. Low-level pilfering occurred daily, but the worst offenders were the officials. Cases of whiskey, blankets, trinkets, guns, and knives —these disappeared all the damn time. No one wanted the corruption uncovered.”

“So you didn’t report it.”

He gritted his teeth. “I was informed by my superior that if any discrepancies were found on my watch, I would be held responsible. It would be taken from my pay. These ‘discrepancies’ went back years, Jasper. Years. I could not begin to sort out the losses. And I certainly couldn’t recover them. Instead of making my fortune in Canada, I would end up in debtor’s prison. So I learned how to falsify records. How to shortchange trading partners.”

“But you never took anything.”

“If your servants were stealing your silver and Peters turned a blind eye, would you say, ‘but he never took any’?”

Jasper made a bitter face. “A moot point. My household is better run.”

Benjamin remembered the footmen sharing a stolen bottle of wine. “You think it is.”

“Well, what do you want me to do? Shall I hire someone to audit my books?”

“You should after what I’ve just told you.”

“I’m afraid I must continue to be irresponsible. I trust you have not stolen anything. The very idea is ridiculous. You have never been driven by greed.”

Now Benjamin laughed. Bitterly. “Jasper, you are so na?ve it makes my heart hurt. Do you imagine, as a youth, I could have looked around at what you and your brothers had handed to you and not have been covetous? My greed almost killed me. What do you think I was doing in the backwaters of Canada?”

“I suppose you had better tell me.”

Benjamin squeezed his eyes shut to block out the memories that came back to him in a flood. He opened them slowly.

“I signed on with the Company thinking I would work one or two terms. Three years. Six. I didn’t expect to get rich. Only to save enough to come back to England with a hope for a better life than my father gave us.” He grunted. “And perhaps a fraction of the ease I experienced as your perennial guest.” He ignored Jasper’s embarrassed throat clearing. “But I was misled. We were overworked and underpaid. We had to buy supplies from the Company if we wanted to eat. Or drink. And…” He drew his arms across his chest. “I’m not just whining. The conditions were inhumane. The winter darkness. I swear it seemed always to be winter. You could sleep almost on top of a fire and not get warm. But the worst was the boredom. There was nothing to do but drink. I’ve always sworn I would not be my father, but Jasper, I stole all day long and drank all night.”

“That was your situation. You only drink now when I force it upon you.”

“When my three years were up, I did not sign on to stay. I had maybe ten pounds to my name and my passage home. At least the company paid for our fare back to England.”

“But you didn’t come back.”

“No. I was celebrating my release from captivity, that is what we called it, in what passed for a tavern, and I met Simpson.”

“Your business partner?”

“Yes. Hannah’s father. He was not with the Company. He claimed he’d been trading lumber. He said his father was head of a large lumber firm in Halifax. That was true. It was the only true thing the man ever said.”

“Your new business venture was lumber?”

“No.” Benjamin needed to pace. The humiliation was still too raw. “No, it was not. I thought it was going to be gold.”

“Gold?” Jasper’s forehead wrinkled. “Was there another expedition? I thought—”

“You thought those rumors had been thoroughly explored and were found to be false.”

Jasper nodded.

“Greed makes rich men cruel and poor men fools. Simpson convinced me that there was gold for the taking deeper in the interior. And he knew where to find it.”

Jasper kept silent though it was clear he wanted to say something. Ask something.

“It gets worse,” Benjamin said, walking over to the fireplace, staring into it. He couldn’t look at Jasper. “He needed a partner to help him purchase supplies and to handle one of the boats. He said our foray would take six months. And that we could barter for food along the way. For that, we needed trade goods. Like those in the Company’s warehouse.”

“God, Benjamin.” Jasper’s voice went hoarse. “You didn’t.”

“I didn’t… take any crates from the warehouse. But I let him know how it could be done. And I sold my ticket home. Emptied my pockets.”

“Benjamin! What made you believe he could find gold when the Company could not?”

Then he did turn to face Jasper. “Marie.”

“Who?”

“Mrs. Simpson. Simpson took me to the camp outside the fort to meet her. She was…convincing. Not as loose lipped as her husband. She was furious that he had confided in me. I suppose she pretended to be furious. It had to be kept secret, you see. But he said they needed another pair of hands and my savings. When she finally acquiesced, I felt…” He laughed hollowly. “I felt grateful.”

“So you handed over your savings. Did they abscond with it all?”

“I wish they had done it that simply. No. We gathered what we needed. What they said we needed. And then, I discovered that not only was Marie coming with us, but also, a baby. I balked. Finally, I realized the insanity of what I had signed on for. But they were going whether I went with them or not. With everything I now owned. Moreover, Simpson drank more than you and I and Crispin ever drank combined. Marie asked me to please come. She couldn’t handle him by herself.”

“They had their claws sunk in deep.”

“We went upriver. After the first day, I no longer had any idea where I was. Marie and I paddled the canoes. Simpson drank. Half the time, I took Hannah in my boat to keep her safe from his carelessness. It got colder and colder. Our food ran low.”

Jasper’s brow furrowed. “But you had stolen goods to trade for food.”

Now Benjamin returned to pick up his glass and drain it. Beyond all else, his gullibility was the most difficult to confess. “Simpson traded for furs.”

“Why?”

“Because he knew we were never going to find gold. Fur was the treasure. And by the time I realized the swindle, there was nothing I could do.”

“But who was he swindling?”

“Me, Jasper! Me. We’d signed a contract. He was to get sixty percent of the profits, and I was to get forty percent, and I thought that more than fair.”

“But?”

“The contract very clearly stated we’d split the profit from the gold.”

Jasper stared a moment. Then one side of his mouth lifted. He coughed. Then he laughed.

“For God’s sake, Jasper! It isn’t humorous!”

“No, it isn’t.” He bit his lip trying to keep a straight face. “It isn’t at all.” Benjamin felt bizarrely unburdened to see him so amused. Jasper cleared his throat. “Go on.”

“It was not a six-month foray. We were at least five months going upriver. We were paddling through ice and portaging through snow. I told Simpson I was aware we would never find gold and we should turn around. I just wanted an end to the hell.”

“But he wouldn’t turn back?”

“He did. We did.” Benjamin sat back down. He hunched over the edge of Jasper’s desk. “I heard them arguing that night. They spoke French when they didn’t want me to understand them, but I know a little French. Enough. Simpson thought they should…leave me out there.”

“What! To die?”

He nodded. “That had been their original plan, but Marie must have had second thoughts. She reminded him they needed me to paddle one of the canoes. And…” His neck grew hot.

“And what?”

“And she pointed out that I was giving most of my food to Hannah anyway.”

“God, Benjamin.” He lowered his chin, shaking his head. “That does not surprise me.”

“Simpson said…” He swallowed. “They should abandon her too.”

“His own daughter?” Jasper’s voice thickened with disgust.

Benjamin nodded. “Sometimes, deep in his cups, he would claim she wasn’t. But she looks just like him. He was a jackass. If I’d had a clue how to get back to the fort, I swear I would have stolen a canoe that night and Hannah too.”

Jasper pushed the brandy bottle closer, but Benjamin shook his head.

“We traveled another few days. Then we were hit with a snowstorm and had to burrow in. Simpson got sick first. Marie nursed him as best she could, but he failed pretty quickly. Then she got sick.”

“They both died.”

“Yes. I couldn’t bury them, Jasper. I couldn’t even do that. I put everything I could into one canoe and just kept going down river, praying I would find somebody.”

Jasper sat still. He didn’t interrupt or prompt. He just waited.

“A band of Cree found us. We were half-frozen and half-starved, but they took us in even though they looked half-starved themselves. I gave them the guns and blankets that were left. The whiskey was already gone.” He sniffed. Simpson had polished that off. “We spent a solid month there. Maybe more. And then, I came to myself and told them I would give them all the pelts, too, if they could get us back to the fort. Or close enough to it that I could find my way. I don’t know why they agreed. They could have taken the pelts, and I couldn’t have stopped them. But they were more honest than…than anyone else I’d met in Canada.”

“And so, the adventure came to an end.”

“Yes.”

“God, Benjamin.”

“Well, wait. No. There is Hannah. I said I didn’t steal anything, but I stole her. The Cree wanted me to leave her with them. And since I am being honest, I did consider it.”

Jasper argued, “That isn’t stealing. She’s an Englishwoman!”

“Half French.”

“Well,” he sniffed a laugh, “we won’t hold that against her.”

“The Cree would have adopted her. I might have left her with them if they were not so ravaged themselves. Disease has hit them hard. The beaver are almost gone. But the main thing was, she had family . Simpson’s parents.”

Jasper made a face. “Who did such a fine job raising him .”

“A guide took us back to the fort along with the pelts to trade. Your letter was waiting for me there. Jasp, I’ve said before, it was like a gift from God. I hadn’t any money but with that letter I had credit. Credit enough to get to Halifax to look for Hannah’s grandparents. I thought it was the right thing to do.”

“You once said they wanted nothing to do with her.”

“They had already disowned Simpson for taking up with Marie.” He didn’t reveal that Simpson had met her in a brothel. That was not something anyone ever needed to know. “They didn’t believe me when I told them their son was dead. I think they suspected I had come to extort money from them, though I certainly didn’t ask for any. I booked passage on the first ship out. But, Jasper, I didn’t give them any time to reconsider. I gave them one chance and never went back.”

“It doesn’t sound as if they deserved a second chance. She was their granddaughter. There shouldn’t have been anything to consider.”

“But she is their granddaughter. And I took her across the ocean. Sometimes I worry that I misled them. Made them think there was a possibility she was my daughter. She was clinging to me so much by then.” He shook his head. “And I clung to her.”

“You are her father. Moreso than that devil who would have abandoned her. You didn’t steal her.”

“I should have told you all this before I accepted the position. You said once that if you’d thought I would engage in ‘no one will know’ you would not have hired me.”

He snorted. “I say a lot of things. And I should have asked. I was ‘irresponsible.’”

“Jasper—”

“You have been talking nonstop. It is my turn. There is nothing in that story to make me regret hiring you. I’m certainly not going to dismiss you because you made a few errors in judgment. You’ve paid for them. God knows, you’ve paid.”

“Thank you. Thank you for that. But Jasper, you can’t trust me. You can’t.”

“Oh, please.” Jasper suddenly grinned at him. “Don’t tell me there is more. What else did you do? Turn pirate on the ship home?”

“Jasper—”

There was a knock. Jasper turned to the door. Benjamin grabbed his arm.

“Jasper, we need to talk about Olivia.”

“I’m sorry she’s been difficult. I’ll speak with her. But I’m not going to let you resign because of this.”

The knock came again.

“Yes, enter,” Jasper said, rolling his shoulders with exasperation.

Finley stepped in. “My lord, the Duke of Lythe is calling. He is in the receiving room. Are you at home?”

“Calling? Oh, good God!” Jasper stood, clenching his jaw. “He is going to ask my consent.”

“For Olivia?” Benjamin’s blood ran cold. “She can’t possibly. Jasper, send him away.”

“I’d rather call him out. The man is a dog!”

“Refuse. You are her guardian. Refuse!”

His mouth tightened. “I would like to. But it isn’t as though Olivia will say ‘yes.’ Once she has refused him, I can justifiably tell him to leave her alone.” Jasper rounded the desk and went for the door. “Damn it! Lythe isn’t half the man you are. None of them are.”

“Jasper, this isn’t…we aren’t finished.”

Jasper sighed with annoyance. “Then wait here. This shouldn’t take long.” He waved a hand behind him as he stepped out. “Just don’t pilfer anything while I’m gone.”