Page 30 of Waiting for Love (The Taverstons of Iversley #3)

B enjamin spent the morning with Hannah, giving her his undivided attention for an hour before doing what he was determined to do.

The guest nursery was cozy and safe. Warmed by the fire from the sitting room beside it, there was no need for another. The walls were papered white with green vines. There were two big comfortable armchairs and two identical miniature ones.

He sat cross-legged beside Hannah on the carpet while she played. Miss Jamison had located a few toys for her: a box of blocks and a wooden horse. Hannah built fences and lifted the horse back and forth over them. Her hair was coming loose from its braids again. And she had taken off her shoes.

“Horses jump,” she explained very solemnly.

“Yes. Some horses do.” He wondered where she had seen this. Miss Jamison must have taken her to one of the parks.

“With ladies.”

He chuckled. “Yes. Some ladies let their horses jump.” He thought of Olivia. Of course, he was always thinking of her. “But not little girls.”

“I’m a big girl!”

“You will be a big girl. But for now, you are a little girl.” An ache formed in his heart.

“Lady says Hannah big girl.”

“Does she? Well, I suppose it is a matter of perspective.”

Hannah ignored that. As well she might. She built her fence higher and then crashed her horse into it.

“Oh, no!” She dropped the horse onto its side.

“Good heavens!” Benjamin said. “Is your horse hurt?”

“No.” She laughed and picked it up, then crashed it again.

He had no idea what went on in her head sometimes. And that would only get worse.

Miss Jamison entered the room. “Mr. Carroll? The dowager asked if I would bring Hannah by this morning.”

“Did she?”

“Yes, well, Mr. and Mrs. Taverston are taking Millie shopping for gifts for her brothers and sisters. The dowager will be watching Arthur, and we thought we’d have a visit.”

He could not think of a kinder couple than Reg and Georgiana.

“Splendid.” Not splendid at all. His respite was over. He stood up and dusted off his trousers. “I have some business in town.” He gave Hannah a pat. “Papa is going to work now, but you are going to play with baby Arthur.”

Hannah pushed his hand from her head, unconcerned. He almost rather wished she would throw a tantrum and give him an excuse not to go.

*

It was drizzling as Benjamin left the employment agency. The rain stained the building’s gray stone front and churned up the stench of the gutters. As his boots clacked on the slick cobbles, he turned up the collar of his jacket against the wet. Utterly dejected.

The agent had suggested two positions he might apply for. The first was a low-level clerk in a bank, the second, as if the Fates were mocking him, inventory clerk in a merchant’s warehouse, the same position he’d held with the Hudson’s Bay Company. If he took either, his salary would be reduced to a tenth of what Jasper paid him. He would have to let Miss Jamison go. Who would care for Hannah? Where would they live? What would they eat?

Benjamin took off his hat, shook the water from it, and set it back on his head.

The previous night, when Olivia had untied his neckcloth, that was not just Olivia being silly. It was a dare. And he’d dared. Oh, he’d dared. For the thrill of a few stolen kisses, he’d risked throwing away Hannah’s future.

More than a few kisses. He appalled himself. But he could not stop replaying her willing responses in his mind’s eye and it stirred him. The true shock was that he’d been able to stop. He’d been maddened —maddened by desire and resentment and, yes, love, though it was not at all the way to show it.

How could he ever face her again? Worse, he could not run off to Chaumbers because he’d told Jasper he would stay.

Jasper was blind. They were all blind. Except, perhaps Hazard. That was dangerous. Benjamin knew he had to speak with Jasper before Hazard said something to open his eyes.

It always came back to this. Talking to Jasper. Which he was too cowardly to do.

Benjamin slouched away from the agency. Perhaps he could simply tell Jasper he had to resign because he found himself attracted to Olivia. Jasper might confuse him for someone honorable. He would give him a reference. After all, he was a good steward.

No. It was too late for half a confession. And a whole confession would see him out on the street, with no reference, unemployable, a greater failure than even his father had been.

*

Benjamin was damp to the bone. At least the paper-wrapped packet tucked under his arm was relatively dry. His new clothes. If not for the wretched things he would be safely back at Chaumbers and would not have nearly ruined the woman he loved.

He entered 8 Grosvenor Square and greeted Peters.

“Shall I take your hat, Mr. Carroll? There will be tea in the parlor in one hour. His lordship said to tell you if you were home on time.”

Home? Ha!

“Yes, thank you. I will go dry off first.”

He went to his apartments and stripped off his wet attire. He unwrapped his packet and shook out the shirt and jacket. Wrinkled, but it would have to do. He only had an hour.

There were four Taverstons in the parlor when he walked in: Jasper, Vanessa, Reg, and Georgiana. And a floral spray on the mantel that was practically the size of another person.

“Lythe,” Jasper said with distaste, noticing the direction of Benjamin’s gaze. “It came this morning. And then the duke arrived in his curricle to take Olivia riding. He didn’t announce himself and she slipped out without permission. And she is not back yet .” He scowled. “I am going to have to speak with him.”

Benjamin felt a wash of bitter amusement. He and Jasper had something in common: a cowardly tendency to postpone confrontation.

Where was everyone? The room felt only half full.

“No Hazard?” he asked. Perhaps that was for the better. Although he hoped there were no repercussions to yesterday’s scuffle.

“Invited. He said he would try to make it. And Mother is having tea with the Farnsbys.”

“Alice?”

Georgiana answered from her perch beside Vanessa on the davenport. “Her father arrived in town this afternoon. She will be having tea and supper with him and my parents.”

Right. Alice’s father was Georgiana’s uncle.

“But you won’t?” he asked.

“We will go for breakfast tomorrow,” Reg said.

Georgiana laughed. “He wants to meet Arthur, not see us. And Arthur is sleeping.”

So everyone was accounted for.

Vanessa said, “I may as well ring for tea. It may only be us.”

“No! I’m here!” Olivia said, bursting into the room. Her cheeks looked windburned and her hair…her hair was a shining glorious mess.

“Why are you wearing your riding habit?” Jasper demanded.

Olivia stopped in her tracks. She turned slowly to face Jasper. “It’s comfortable?”

“Did he take you riding? After Mother told him—”

“It was not early morning. The park was full of people.” She looked away as she pulled off her gloves. “And it was not as though Lythe gave me a choice.”

“Oh, Olivia.” Jasper’s anger melted away. “I’m sorry. This is my fault.”

“It wasn’t terrible. He’s just lonely and likes to talk. He told me all about Angleterre. He says it is grander than Chaumbers, but I told him that was impossible.”

Reg and Georgiana laughed. Jasper grinned. “Olivia, you are the only person in the world who finds the charm in Chaumbers.”

That was not true, Benjamin thought. He’d always found it magical, and he wagered Hannah did too.

“Well,” Reg said, “the important thing is—how was Cassieopia?”

“Splendid! Oh, splendid. So beautiful. And responsive. And I’m sure she would have been fast, but Lythe is a fussy old maid and would hardly let me run.”

Jasper looked mollified. Olivia plopped herself into a chair.

“But all in all, I prefer Oatmeal. Cassieopia is a snob.”

Benjamin didn’t know what constituted snobbery in a horse, but Olivia would.

“I’m certain she got that from Lythe,” Reg said, under his breath. Jasper snickered. Smiling, Vanessa rose and pulled the bell cord for tea.

Benjamin removed to stand by the fire while listening to their chatter. After the maids brought in fragrant, steaming tea and sugary cakes, he took his cup and a plate and went back to the fire. He didn’t take part in the conversation. He told himself over and over not to get comfortable because he did not belong.

Reg was saying something about an exhibition at the museum. He and Georgiana had been, but everyone should go. He’d even go again. He was interrupted by Peters in the doorway.

“Viscount Hazlet and Miss Fogbotham have come.”

“Together?” Jasper looked startled. “I thought she was at the Hovingtons’. Bring them in.”

Hazard walked in with Alice on his arm. Alice looked very prim and pretty, but she had a determined countenance that was a little chilling. And Hazard looked worried. Some sort of powder and paste around his eye may have explained why he looked odd, but Benjamin thought it was more than that.

“Is everything all right with Uncle Charles?” Georgiana asked.

“Yes, wonderful.” Alice sounded clipped. “He is looking forward to meeting Arthur.”

“Well, come in,” Jasper said, waving at them impatiently. “Before the tea gets cold.”

They didn’t move. No, that wasn’t true. Alice pulled on Hazard’s arm. Not as though to drag him into the room. It was more of a jostle.

Hazard said, “Yes, well, first.” He cleared his throat. “First, I believe congratulations are in order.” His voice grew stronger as he spoke. “Congratulate me. Miss Fogbotham has agreed to become my wife.”

Georgiana dropped her plate, and it shattered. There was no other sound in the room. Until Olivia squeaked in a tiny, tentative voice, “Congratulations.”

“No.” Jasper’s jaw set, and he rose from his chair. “Hazard, this is despicable. I cannot condone it. You are using her!”

Hazard’s face collapsed. “I—”

“She deserves a man who can love her. Children.”

“I—”

“You—you hush, Jasper Taverston!” Alice exploded. “You have no right—”

“And you have no idea!” Jasper cried.

The whole Taverston clan jumped to their feet. Benjamin thought there might be a brawl. He’d never seen the group of them so riled. Except in joy and this was not that.

“Oh, for God’s sake. I have every idea. And Hazard is not using me. If anything, I am using him.”

“Alice, please.” Georgiana was barely audible and sounded teary. “That isn’t true. You’ve always said you didn’t care about a title.”

Alice tossed her a sour look. “I don’t. Yet if I were to snare some arse of a baron, you would all say I had done well for myself.”

Olivia piped up, “Maybe she loves him.”

“Then the more fool she,” Jasper said. “Hazard, disabuse her of this ridiculous notion.”

“I have to agree with Alice,” Hazard said, injecting his more typical droll tone. “You really should hush.”

Georgiana said, “Alice, Jasper is right. You want—”

“What I want is something only Hazard is willing to give me! I want my words, mine , read out loud on the floor of Parliament. I want to see them published in the newspapers. Hear them argued about in the streets and coffee houses. That’s what I want!” Her voice broke. “Until women can speak for themselves.” She grimaced and cast a look at them all. “Listen to yourselves. You all know what’s best for me? Do you? Well, Hazard listened to me .”

Benjamin had an urge to applaud her. And Olivia regarded her as though she had found a new hero. But everyone else looked poised to argue more.

“What about children?” Georgiana said. “You’ve always wanted children.”

“And now I feel compelled to remind everyone that I am not a eunuch,” Hazard said hotly. “I am perfectly capable of fathering children, one can only assume, and I will find it no hardship to father them on Alice.”

“Oh, my God,” Jasper said, throwing up his hands. “This is…my God! Olivia is in the room. Olivia, go.”

“A little too late, Jasper,” Olivia said with a smirk. “My ears are burning.”

“It is…” Reg hesitated, then when he had everyone’s attention, he finished. “Well, it is a solution.”

Vanessa agreed. “They have obviously given this a good deal of consideration.”

“Not enough.” Jasper huffed.

Benjamin was a little surprised by Jasper’s recalcitrance, but the more so by Georgiana’s. He would have expected her to be more supportive. She looked despairing. And it was Georgiana who protested again.

“Alice, we all love Hazard, but you aren’t in love. Don’t mistake fondness for love. And he…he can’t love you. Not the way you deserve.”

Alice’s face softened. “Hazard and I are not under any illusions. Believe me. He made sure that I am not. But love like you have with Reg, and that Vanessa and Jasper have, that is exceptionally rare. I am not going to find it and I’m not going to waste my life waiting for it. Haz and I like each other. Even that is rare in aristocratic marriages. I expect to be very happy, and I hope to make Hazard happy too.”

“But you can’t,” Jasper said. He turned his focus back to Hazard. He was still glowering, but under that, Benjamin read true concern. “What about Chesterfield?”

Hazard drew in a long, slow breath, then let it out. “I think that is none of your business.”

Georgiana looked as though she might cry.

Jasper scowled. “Alice, he is admitting he will not be faithful to you.”

“Jasper, really. That is enough,” Vanessa said.

Alice shrugged. “Faithfulness is also in short supply in our set. And Hazard is correct. It is none of your concern.”

Benjamin found the whole business very sensible, awful, wonderful, and very brave.

Hazard said, “Moreover, it is not as though we are asking permission. I spoke with Mr. Fogbotham. He is ready to welcome me into the family. Jasper, this is happening. Georgiana, I am marrying your cousin. If you cannot be happy for us—”

“We are!” Olivia said. “Oh, but we are. I am. I think it is perfectly marvelous. Another wedding!” She raced over and put her arms around Alice and kissed her cheek, then did the same to Hazard.

Jasper pursed his mouth, but then went to offer his hand to Hazard. And then smiled a wry apology and embraced him. And then the whole room did what Taverstons did. They hugged and laughed and vowed their support.

Benjamin remained beside the fire.