Page 17 of Waiting for Love (The Taverstons of Iversley #3)

B enjamin was making himself scarce again, Olivia mused. Naturally, he was doing it to be noble. Since he was burning with ardent desire, simply seeing her might drive him to take her into his arms and cover her with kisses. He was so passionately in love that he must escape to London.

Ha! She could only wish.

Hazard had arrived four days ago and would be leaving in another four days. He was taking Benjamin with him. They both had business in the city. There was nothing noble or romantic about it.

Jasper had tried to convince them to stay longer. He might have succeeded, but yesterday Georgiana began experiencing “discomfort.” Mrs. Cooper, the midwife, was summoned. She dismissed the discomfort as false pains, then promised Georgiana’s time was near.

Hazard was positively aghast and threatened to leave at first light. He said he adored children and dogs, but babies and cats made his skin crawl. Although it was a rude thing to say, he was so droll saying it that the duchess spit her tea and laughed. The duchess did!

Rather than bemoaning the impending loss of Hazard’s company, Olivia determined to make the most of it while she could. She convinced Hazard and Alice to join her for a midday ride. The sun had finally come out and the day promised warm. Warm for January. The folly beckoned.

Had she wanted a race, Hazard alone would have been a better companion than the two of them. They dawdled. And for company, either one of them alone would have suited Olivia better than both. No matter how carefully they tried to keep to neutral topics for her sake, they kept falling back into an argument about the American War. As best Olivia could tell, they agreed more than they disagreed, but they kept finding fine points to sharpen even finer. They were making her head hurt. But Alice seemed so…alive, and Hazard…so much less droll. It was strange.

By the time they neared their destination, she was riding a few lengths ahead, having given up on the conversation. Sunlight filtered through the barren trees. The cold-muted scent of slowly rotting leaves sweetened the air. Olivia was first to see the folly was already occupied. She slowed Oatmeal and signaled to the laggards to slow and to quiet down as well.

The scene made her smile.

Benjamin helped Hannah clamber up onto one of the broken walls until she was chest-high to him. Then she spread her arms and shouted, “Look, Papa!” before leaping into his outstretched hands. He set her down gently. Then he helped her climb up again. They repeated this at least ten times. Benjamin was laughing as though he hadn’t a care in the world.

He was the same man he’d always been. More serious, perhaps. More mature. More conscientious. But still caring and kind. Protective. And he could still enjoy life. She’d been right to adore him when she was a child. Helplessly. And she was right to love him now. Hopelessly.

Hannah’s coat flapped open, and her hat had evidently fallen into the trampled, melting snow. Benjamin had taken off his coat and gloves. They were draped across another of the walls. It was the type of play that would cause palpitations in any nanny, but Miss Jamison was nowhere in sight. Alice and Hazard murmured and chuckled quietly, watching.

And then, perched on the wall, rather than fling out her arms, Hannah pointed and yelled, “Olly!”

Benjamin stretched out his hand to hold her in place before looking over his shoulder. Then he wrapped an arm around Hannah and swooped her safely to the ground. He turned.

“Hullo!”

“Sorry to disturb you,” Hazard called out, dismounting.

“You rescued me. My arms are about to give out.”

Hannah darted toward them, but Benjamin was quicker. He caught her by the shoulders, then took her hand and said sternly, “No. Hannah, what did I say about horses?”

“Wait.”

“Yes. You don’t approach horses unless you are holding my hand.”

“Horsies now?”

He nodded and began walking very slowly, letting her lead. It was the most precious thing. Olivia felt an almost painful glee building inside of her. When Benjamin and Hannah stopped three feet in front of Oatmeal, Olivia could contain herself no longer. She stepped high in her stirrup, threw out her arms, and cried, “Look, Benjamin!” And then jumped.

He caught her. She knew he would. His chest was rock hard and his arms steady as he set her feet down. He was laughing, very softly.

Then Alice called out, “Haz! Look!”

Olivia whirled around. Hazard had gone to Alice’s side to help her dismount. Instead, he caught her flying.

“ Oooff !” He pretended to stumble, swinging one arm beneath her knees as he straightened. “Lady, you forget my age.”

Alice smacked his arm. “You can put me down now.”

“Not until I find a deep enough puddle.” He started carrying her to the ruins.

“Hazard!” she shrieked. “Don’t you dare!”

Olivia could only stare.

“Papa, look! Papa, catch me!”

“Not from Oatmeal, sweetheart. I’ll look from the wall.”

Olivia followed them to the wall, one eye on them and the other on Hazard and Alice. Hazard wandered through the snow-spattered grass, stepping over stones and fallen bricks. Alice flailed in his arms, laughing.

“Go on, Hannah. Climb.” Benjamin’s hand rested lightly on his daughter’s back as he encouraged her to continue their game.

“No. Catch Olly.” Hannah waved her closer.

Olivia gave Benjamin a sidelong look, expecting to see him frown. Instead, he had a smirk on his face.

“You started it,” he said, gesturing for her to climb the wall.

“I think you know better than to dare me , Benjamin Carroll.” She grinned back. Then she scrambled up the wall. Stood on top. Spread her arms. And jumped.

He didn’t react quickly enough, and she slammed into him. She started to fall before his arms enfolded her, gripping tight but too high around her shoulders. She slid down his front until her feet hit dirt.

“Olivia!” He buckled over laughing. “You are supposed to yell ‘look.’”

“I didn’t know there were rules,” she gasped out. And then they were both laughing hard enough to cry.

When she caught her breath, she cast a look about for Alice and Hazard. They had gone behind the wall and were now returning, Alice on her own two feet and unmuddied.

“I think we need a new game,” Hazard said, coming forward. “Didn’t you all used to play one where everyone hid until someone found you? Go on. I will count to ten.”

“Fifty,” Benjamin said. “We can’t hide anywhere in ten.”

“Twenty-five. I suggest you run.”

“I’ll count,” Alice said. “You both run.”

Crispin used to bring her and Reg here for this very game. Olivia knew all the best hiding places. Maybe it was childish, but it felt so wonderful to play. Olivia found it particularly amusing to see Hazard run. He looked young and free and not at all dignified.

There was something different about Hazard lately that Olivia could not quite put her finger on. He was not an old man, for all he’d started referring to himself as such. He was not that much older than Jasper. But during this visit, he had seemed somehow even less old. As if he had fewer lines across his brow.

They each took a turn hiding with Hannah. And once, Alice stood with the child and counted to ten so that Hannah could find them. Of course, they were within five feet and poorly hidden. Hannah squealed with delight and tagged them all.

Breathless and overly warm, they peeled off their coats and hats and left them beside Benjamin’s. Hannah wanted to play Look, Papa again, so Hannah, Olivia, and Alice took turns jumping off the wall. It was improper, beyond a doubt, but if Hazard and Alice were doing it… But of course, that was different. Because each time Benjamin caught Olivia, he held her a little longer before setting her down. Or so she imagined. Wishful thinking.

“Alice must catch me this time,” Hazard said, puffing with exaggerated breaths.

Hannah patted his knees and said, “Hide me!”

“Ah. Someone takes pity on the old man. Yes. We will hide.”

Alice turned her face to the wall and began counting slowly. Olivia took off. She ran to an old stone bench behind the wall, but had second thoughts about crawling under it when she saw the mud. She heard Alice: seventeen…eighteen…

She darted to a separate part of the ruins where there was a niche with high walls that they used to call the garderobe because it looked like a medieval water closet. When she and Reg were little, they hid there all the time.

Benjamin was tucked in the niche.

“Twenty-five!” Alice shouted.

Olivia stared wide-eyed at Benjamin, feeling ridiculously panicked. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in beside him. The space was not large enough for two adults. They were squashed chin-to-nose. Olivia was panting a bit from her run, and Benjamin’s breathing sounded fast and shallow. She tried to read his thoughts. If he could read hers, he would know she was fighting a wild impulse to kiss him. Her whole body trembled with tension.

She lifted her chin and found him peering down at her. They both began breathing more rapidly. More unevenly. She raised up on tiptoes. He dipped his head lower. Her eyelids fluttered closed, and his lips brushed hers.

She had no basis for comparison, but didn’t think it counted as a kiss. She opened her eyes and mouthed, “Kiss me.”

This time it was a very definite kiss. A thrill swept through her. This was not her imagination.

Benjamin lifted his head, his breathing even more ragged. Olivia lowered herself to a flat-footed stance, so her view was back on his chin. She was afraid to look up. She knew what she would see in his eyes. Remorse. Guilt.

If they were caught together here, like this, even by Hazard, even by Alice, she would be compromised. Benjamin would truly be wracked by regret. Jasper would be furious. With reason.

In another moment, he would run away from her again. She knew he would, and she couldn’t bear it. So she slid sideways, slipped out of the niche, and she ran.

*

Olivia thought that Benjamin should have run after her. Or he should have come to her later and told her he loved her. Or he should have gone to Jasper to ask permission to court her. He had done none of those things.

She had seen him only once more before he left for London. She saw him, but he did not see her. She had been at the top of the main stairs, and he was in the hall at the bottom, speaking with the Byrds. Speaking with Jilly , while Mrs. Byrd imperiously directed footmen what to do with several boxes that heralded another morning of bodice pinching and hem marking. Jilly and Benjamin had made an incongruous pair, with Benjamin in his plain dark jacket and Jilly in a bright jonquil frothy construction, trailing ribbons. Even so. They had certainly seemed to have a lot to talk about. She’d backed away from the stairs.

A week had now passed since Hazard and Benjamin’s departure. They’d left early in the morning in order to make the most of the daylight hours. Olivia had not gone down to see them off. Rethinking the day at the folly had made her realize the indiscretion had been entirely her fault. She had, quite literally, thrown herself at him. Again. When he’d tentatively touched his lips to hers, she encouraged him to take a greater liberty. Her behavior was inexcusable.

Oh, but that kiss. It proved…something.

Once more, as she had done at least a hundred times, Olivia put her fingertips on her lips to touch where his had been. Such a curious experience. He’d kept his hands at his sides. He didn’t put them anywhere on her. Even so, her entire body had grown warm.

Was this something that happened whenever two people kissed? Or would it only ever happen with Benjamin?

“My lady?” Tansy interrupted Olivia’s reverie with a note of impatience. “Please stop moving your chin. It loosens the pins.”

Olivia’s cheeks heated. To hide her embarrassment, she scolded, “I can’t walk around wooden faced. If the pins won’t stay in with my hair this way, arrange it another way.”

How uncomfortable it was, being a lady. She had to walk in flimsy shoes, keeping her head perfectly straight, while long stays pressed into her ribs and lifted her bosoms into a position where they did not belong. All to attract a husband who was surely more interested in her fortune and her family name than in her bosoms.

A husband who might, but who probably would not, warm her with his kisses.

Tansy huffed and took down the side-of-the-head bun she had been attempting and resorted to the usual chignon.

“Better,” Olivia said, patting it firmly. She grinned an apology for her ill temper. “The other looked like I’d grown a third ear.”

“Miss Byrd says it’s the latest fashion!” Tansy protested.

“No!” Olivia exclaimed, widening her eyes. “Three ears?”

Tansy giggled. Olivia picked up her bonnet and pulled it onto her head. She and Alice and Mama were riding to Ipswich to visit the milliner. Two new hats. Just to get her started. Mama insisted the rest must be purchased in London. Once the baby came. Although she claimed to be pleasantly surprised by Mrs. Byrd’s work, Mama said it was still important to sport some London-made clothes to prove her sophistication.

“You must mean to fake my sophistication,” Olivia had replied, making Mama purse her lips. Mama said Olivia’s coming-out would be a trial. But she was only teasing. Olivia had heard her telling Jasper that it would be a triumph.

What did that even mean?

Alice burst into the chamber without so much as a rap on the door.

“I’m coming! I’m coming,” Olivia said. “My hair didn’t work.”

“No! It isn’t—we aren’t going. Reg just sent for the doctor and Mrs. Cooper. Georgiana is having the baby!”

*

The doctor, the midwife, the midwife’s assistant, the duchess, Mama, and Georgiana’s maid all crowded into Georgiana’s bedchamber. Even if Olivia and Alice had been permitted to attend her, there would not have been space enough. They waited in the ladies’ sitting room. Aware that it could be a very long wait, they busied themselves with sewing baby napkins. Jasper and Reg were in the study down the hall. Olivia wondered what they did to pass the hours.

Teatime came and went. Olivia was too excited to feel hungry. Excited but not worried. Despite knowing that things could go wrong, bad things didn’t happen to Georgiana.

Dusk had deepened into night when Mama came to them.

“Oh, my dears,” she said, sounding teary but smiling. “They have a beautiful—”

Whooping from down the hall drowned out Mama’s words. Then Olivia heard the pounding of footsteps: Reg sprinting. A moment later, Jasper and the duchess came to join them in the sitting room.

“Georgiana was splendid,” Mama said.

The duchess nodded. “I must say, she made it look easy.”

“Boy or girl?” Olivia asked. “We couldn’t hear.”

“A boy,” Jasper answered for them. He smiled but it looked as though he were trying too hard to do so.

“Reginald must be so pleased,” Alice said, then quickly amended, “so relieved. ”

“Ah, yes,” Jasper said. “I’ll have to replace my rug. He wore a rut in it.”

“Haz will be sorry he missed this,” Olivia said. Jasper laughed.

They continued with more nonsense. Then Mama and the duchess compared their own most difficult births. Mama said Crispin. He had come out backwards. Jasper snickered, “Of course.” The duchess said Randolph. Her firstborn weighed nine pounds. She got a bit misty eyed. Mama squeezed her arm. A long moment of silence followed. Olivia knew that Georgiana’s older brother had died in an accident at school. She couldn’t think of anything worse than losing one of her brothers. Bad things did happen to Georgiana.

“Did Reginald send for Hovington?” the duchess asked.

Jasper answered, “A messenger left for Marbury just after the doctor arrived.”

Marbury was one of the duke’s country homes. Reg once said that it was a good deal prettier than Chaumbers, but Olivia couldn’t believe that.

“Good,” the duchess said. “Then he will likely be here tomorrow.”

“Here he is! Here he is!” Reg announced, shouldering open the door. He carried a large bundle of blankets with a tiny, pink face peeking out. The baby’s eyes were closed, and he made adorable mewling sounds. Olivia had never seen Reg grin so wide. She and Alice both jumped to their feet to rush him.

Olivia wept happy tears as she hugged Reg and bundle both.

“He’s so tiny. So sweet!” She gushed and gushed. “What will you name him?” She turned her face up to Reg’s.

He reddened. Sheepish. “Arthur.”