Page 31 of Waiting for Love (The Taverstons of Iversley #3)

T he following morning, Olivia’s sadness crept back. She was genuinely happy for Hazard and Alice, but jealous too. Alice looked at a world that was unfair, and rather than crying over it, she bent the world to her will. Olivia was more likely to cry.

If that wasn’t enough, half her family had gone to Watershorn so that Arthur could meet his great-uncle. They were probably celebrating Hazard and Alice as well. But Olivia wasn’t invited.

Of course, neither were Jasper and Vanessa. This was Reg’s other family and Olivia understood that. But she was lonely. Left out.

She wandered the house, feeling blue, and found herself in the billiard room. It was on the third floor at the end of the portrait gallery and felt like the edge of the world. She had memories of her brothers playing here, not always good-naturedly. She remembered Crispin teaching her the rules and how to hold the cue. Now the room seemed filled with nothing but ghosts. They all played billiards at Chaumbers. But in London, there were too many other things to do.

Last night, she had not even dined with her family and didn’t know what happened after tea ended. She’d been invited to the theater with Isabel and to a light supper afterward. She’d already accepted so she had to go. By the time she returned home, everyone was in bed. Or maybe they were still out. The house echoed.

She rolled a ball across the billiard table. Then another. Not bothering to pick up a cue. She wasn’t practicing.

When she’d learned Benjamin was not going back to Chaumbers, she’d allowed herself to imagine he couldn’t bear to part from her. She’d been dizzy with happiness. When he’d kissed her, she thought that it meant he was going to fight for her—the way Jasper had fought for Vanessa. And he hadn’t just kissed her. She let him do things that only married people should do. But he had no intention of marrying her. She couldn’t change his mind. Not even kissing would change it.

Alice had changed Hazard’s. Olivia felt certain that Hazard had made all the same protests against their marrying that Jasper and Georgiana did. And Hazard was in love with Lord Chesterfield. Maybe he had been for a very long time. Hazard waited for him. And yet, Alice convinced him to marry her.

She rolled the balls again. Aimlessly. Hearing the clack. Rolling another.

Then footsteps went by the door. Stopped. Came back. Jasper poked his head into the room.

“Olivia?”

She nodded. And let another ball roll.

He came inside. “Bored?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to play a game?”

“I suppose.”

He pulled two cues from the wall and set up the balls. “You start.”

She made a pitiful shot, and he winced. He set his cue down.

“Will you talk to me? About what is wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“Livvy.” He scolded but gave her the tenderest look she’d ever seen on his face. “Come. Sit down.”

She followed him to the chairs by the wall. Awful, narrow wooden ones. No one ever sat on them. He sat, wriggled his buttocks, and scowled. “The blazes. Why do we even have these things?”

She sat. He started over.

“Olivia, since we’ve come to London, you are like two different people. Sometimes you are Olivia. But more and more, you are some melancholy lady I don’t recognize. Explain to me. What is wrong? If there is anything I can do, I will.”

She drew a breath. He meant well. She couldn’t tell him the truth, but she could come close.

“I went to the theater with Isabel last night. Do you remember her?”

“Yes, of course. Lord Cameron’s chit. Married Sir Gavin.”

“A very good match?”

“Yes. Yes it was. She couldn’t really have hoped to look much higher.”

“But I can.”

“Of course you can! Ebersom is well on his way to being enamored. Marry him and you will outrank me!”

He smiled and gave her arm a nudge. He really was an idiot.

“I suppose it would be nice if you could no longer scold me.”

“I don’t scold,” he protested.

She continued, “Isabel is not unhappy, but she isn’t happy. Sir Gavin was not at the theater with us. We went with her brother and sister-in-law. Her husband had,” she paused, “another engagement.”

Jasper’s eyes shifted away. He swallowed. Then he said, “Oh.”

“She said she doesn’t care. She likes her position in London. She likes the estate in Wiltshire even though it is small. She says once she has children, things will be better.”

“Well, you see why I am concerned for Alice.”

“Alice is not Isabel,” Olivia said. “She knows what to expect. Besides, she and Hazard are better friends than…than most friends! He’ll be good to her.”

“As good as he can be.”

“Jasper, what I am saying is I don’t want to end up like Isabel. With a ‘very good match.’”

“You won’t!”

“Mama did.” Her voice dropped low. It still hurt. “Papa was unfaithful.”

Jasper’s face shuttered down. He rubbed his hands on his thighs. “Crispin was wrong to tell you.”

“No, he wasn’t. I hate it when you all know things and I don’t. But when Alice said she wasn’t going to waste her life waiting for a love match, I thought how wonderful for her to have a choice that gave her equal satisfaction.”

“Writing political speeches?” He scoffed. “Alice is odd.”

“Then I wish that I was odd, too.” Not writing speeches, of course, not being a political assistant, but something equally odd. Like…like being a steward’s helpmeet.

He was quiet. Thinking. Then: “Are you saying you don’t think you can be happy with Ebersom? He would be faithful, I’m certain.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Jasper. I’ve never once heard the man laugh.” Then she poked his arm and attempted to smile because he was trying so hard. “Although it would be fun to outrank you.”

“He does laugh,” he said, though he said it doubtfully. He gave her a long look. “Now tell me. Be honest. Is there a particular someone you think you could be happy with?”

She made a heroic effort not to squirm. “No, Jasper, there is not. And if there was, I would not want you twisting his arm.”

“It would not take arm twisting.” He studied her as if trying, really trying, to see her. “What are your criteria?” His voice changed. Almost teasing. “You must have some. All ladies do.” He smiled.

“Criteria?” Well, then. “Someone who values me for more than being your sister and the future mother of his son.”

Jasper’s smile froze. Then wilted. He stood. “You don’t have a make a match your first Season. Alice is wrong. Waiting for love is not wasting your life.”

She nodded.

“Come,” he said. “Let’s finish our game. I know Alice has been teaching you tricks. She beat Crispin once, did you know? Show me what you’ve learned.”

*

Jasper won and Olivia thanked him for not letting her win. Afterward, he left her alone to practice. She opened the window for air and then did practice a while. Until she became aware of yelling coming from the gardens. Hannah’s high-pitched yelling and laughter. She went to the window and scanned the garden until she spotted them. Hannah was on Benjamin’s shoulders, and he was lolloping in circles.

Olivia raced down two flights of stairs and out the side door. Reaching the garden, she walked more sedately, catching her breath, and pretended to come across them while out for a stroll.

“Olly! Olly! I’m riding!” Hannah cried, smacking her father on the head.

“I can see that.” Olivia grinned.

Benjamin held onto Hannah’s feet and legs as he ambled up to a stacked pile of bricks.

“Jump, Papa!”

Benjamin stepped carefully over the pile and Hannah squealed with delight. Benjamin laughed too. And Olivia had to laugh with them.

“Again, again,” the tyrant demanded.

Benjamin trotted around in a circle.

“Make my horse fall down!”

When Benjamin reached the pile, he nudged it with his foot and then sank to his knees beside it. Hannah shrieked, giggling and patting Benjamin’s hair.

“Up, Papa! Up! Fall down again,” she said, bouncing on his shoulders.

He got back to his feet, red-faced from laughing.

“Benjamin, what are you teaching her?”

“I have no earthly idea.”

“Play with us, Olly.”

Olivia shrugged and then galloped up alongside and let out a piercing whinny. Benjamin collapsed back to his knees, guffawing, and had to lift Hannah from his shoulders to set her on the ground until he could stop. His laughter and Hannah’s giggling warmed her heart.

Olivia took Hannah’s hand and they both skipped around the dirt and grass, making horse noises, until they reached the bricks and Olivia swung her over.

Benjamin watched a while, then got back to his feet, and joined them. Olivia could not ever remember being so happy.

Until she came face to face with Jasper.

He had the oddest expression. As if trying not to be angry while unsure that he even should be. He regarded Olivia for a moment and then Benjamin. Benjamin let go of Hannah’s hand and quailed.

“Iversley.”

“Benjamin. Would you settle Hannah with Miss Jamison and come to my study? We have something we need to discuss.”

*

They were only playing. It wasn’t as though her brother had caught them on the path at Vauxhall Gardens. They weren’t doing anything but playing with Hannah.

Nevertheless, after Jasper turned and walked away from them, Benjamin hoisted Hannah and followed, pale as death. They left Olivia to scramble after them.

Inside the house, she watched as Jasper mounted the stairs without looking back. Benjamin continued to lag as he carted Hannah up. They went in separate directions at the top: Jasper to his study and Benjamin to the guest wing.

As soon as Jasper disappeared down the hall, Olivia ran up the stairs, both flights, to the third floor. To the reading room.