Page 16 of Vying Girls (Girls of Hazelhurst #2)

Tilda

I’m not sure of the time, only that it’s far past midnight and the house is silent save from Haz’s breathing.

She always waits until she thinks I’m asleep before removing her arm and assuming her usual position. One arm thrown above her head, the other resting on her stomach like she’s hugging herself. The LED salt lamp she keeps on low all night limns her face in blue.

I reach out and roll a piece of her hair between my finger and thumb. It’s cool to the touch and as soft as a sable paint brush with the recent trim she’s had.

The ribbon around my wrist flexes with the movement. It’s the same colour as her hair, same colour as her eyes if she were to open them.

Not the colour of her heart though, despite her endless insistence that it is.

There’s nothing black about that. It’s a projection, a shield against the roaring seas I sense just below the surface. Elly’s report on their conversation at the gym was enough to confirm that.

In all my wondering, I hadn’t thought vulnerability was at the core of why she won’t sleep with me. I was drowning too deep in my own insecurities to think she might have her own.

Something I’m kicking myself for but really shouldn’t.

She makes it purposefully easy to think otherwise.

Almost manipulates it that way. She’s crass and crude and pushy, flirting like it’s second nature, pretending she’s the type to take whatever she wants, survivors be damned.

And maybe there’s a little of that in her, but I’m beginning to see how it’s cultivated, born of some harsh lived experience I’ve not yet been shared into.

But I will, because I’m not going anywhere.

Unable to help myself, I lean up on my elbow, cheek in palm, and stare at the handsome planes of her face. Her eyebrows are coarse under my fingertip. Bet she’s never plucked them a day in her life but they’re still the perfect shape, arching over those deep, deep eyes.

I leave a soft kiss on her forehead, stilling when she stirs at my touch. A smile trembles on my lips, and I have to keep from giggling.

This feeling. It’s the same with Elly, it just fills me up until I’m overflowing.

Not caring if I wake her now, I cup one cheek and lay a kiss on the other, the sound stark in the otherwise silent room.

Her eyes open slowly, finding mine in the dark.

‘Hey,’ I whisper, stroking my thumb over her cheek.

She groans sleepily, removing the arm over her head with clumsy movements.

‘Fuck,’ she gasps, cradling it to her. ‘Gone dead.’

‘That always happens,’ I chuckle.

‘Can’t help it. I do it in my sleep.’ She rolls her head towards me. ‘Why are you up? Reality better than your dreams?’

‘Something like that.’

I kiss her wide lips, enjoying their plumpness. They’re silky smooth, owing to the balm she religiously puts on them at night. ‘Wanna chat?’

‘Chat about what?’

‘Nothing. Everything.’

Haz yawns widely, stretching her body like a cat. ‘Alright. I’m down for a midnight yap.’

‘I want to know you.’

‘Huh?’ She frowns lightly. ‘You do. What you see is what you get, baby. Nothing else going on.’

It might even be that she believes that, I don’t know, but I certainly don’t.

‘I’ve only known you a few months,’ I point out. ‘That’s not a lot of time. I know nothing of you outside of this place.’ I lay my head back down, still stroking her cheek. ‘But I want to. What about where you come from? What were your family like?’

‘Never had any.’

I give her a look I know she can see even in the dark.

‘No, really. I just materialised one night. Out of the fog on the river. The village venerates me. I haunt their streets. Eat their kids. I’m a British cryptid. There’s a festival dedicated to me and everything.’

‘You’re an evasive idiot, is what you are.’

Grabbing the ribbon on my wrist, she gives it a tug. ‘And I know you’re clever enough to take a hint, so let’s put a lid on it.’

I huff out a breath, conceding defeat on this occasion. ‘I’m gonna work you out, Haz. Even if it kills me.’

‘Uh-huh. Tell you what, princess. Let me know what’s up with you and Nic and I’ll give you all my gory details.’

I close my eyes with a sigh. Should have seen that one coming.

‘Are you two fucking?’

‘No!’

‘Hey, it’s cool if you are. Full house. Nice and tidy.’

‘I’m not sleeping with Nic. Shit.’

‘Alright. I believe ya.’ She gives my head a rub. ‘So you two didn’t share a bed on Anarchy night?’

‘Well, yeah, but I was beyond fucked that night.’

‘So if something happened, you wouldn’t have remembered.’

‘I would have remembered that.’

I definitely remember the way she spooned me practically naked. How I didn’t care just because she was warm.

‘So what did happen?’ Haz comes onto her side to face me. ‘Did you just crash or carry on fighting?’

‘Bit of both.’

‘What happened?’ she presses. ‘Tell me.’

I put a hand to my heart as it starts to thump.

Knowing how fucking annoying it is when Nic clams up, which is always, I never want to do that with anyone, let alone Haz.

It’s not like I’ve been purposefully keeping from telling them.

It’s been wanting to burst free pretty much every second of every day.

I just wanted to speak to Nic first. But seeing as though that isn’t about to happen, so what if Haz and Elly know?

Besides, Elly pretty much said I need to prove to Haz I’m serious about her. This can be step one in earning her trust, no matter how traumatic the story. It’s not like I have to tell her everything tonight.

‘How much do you know of Nic’s childhood?’

‘Enough.’

‘Tommy’s her cousin,’ I say carefully, recalling the horror of our conversation.

‘Yeah, I know that.’ A line forms on Haz’s forehead. It’s clear she dislikes Tommy as much as Nic does. That blind loyalty again.

‘She had another one, didn’t she? Another boy cousin.’

Haz’s eyes meet mine. There’s a warning in them.

‘Say his name and I’ll have you out on your ass.’

‘Don’t want to say the fucker’s name.’

She studies me a further moment before giving a nod. It’s one of approval, as well as acceptance. A shared understanding of some dark, unnameable thing; an agreement of Nic’s protection.

‘Do you know what happened before all that?’

She shifts one shoulder in a shrug. ‘Things were good.’

Yeah. They were. Was never Nic who was the problem.

‘Her dad was with someone,’ Haz goes on. ‘She had a daughter, same age. Nic said they were close. Says it was the only time she remembers being happy.’

Haz is wearing a necklace, some pendant made of leather. I fiddle with it, the ribbon a black slash on my wrist. ‘Did she ever tell you why she was sent to her aunt’s?’

Haz frowns. ‘Yeah, because her dad fucking hanged himself.’

‘And do you know why?’

‘Tilda, just spit it out. Don’t want to play twenty questions with you. Go and ask Nic this shit.’

‘You think I haven’t tried?’

‘Tilda.’ Haz rolls on top of me, cupping my cheeks, fingers pressed over my ears so my hearing’s muffled. ‘You’re fucking me off. Just tell me.’

I draw in a breath, peering into the black pools of her eyes. ‘It was me. I was the daughter. Nic’s stepsister back then.’

Haz stares dumbly. ‘What? No, you weren’t.’

‘I was. Matilda. Didn’t Nic ever tell you her name?’

‘She never really talked about it. Not in specifics. Are you being fucking serious right now?’

I stroke her hands. ‘I’m not lying to you, Haz. I wouldn’t. I’ve only just found out myself. She’s only just told me.’

Haz frowns deeply. ‘Why would she have to tell you? Why wouldn’t you know?’

‘She’s so different. We were just kids. She looks nothing like she did back then. Like…she’s just not her. Except she is.’

Haz searches my eyes. ‘If you’re lying to me, Tilda...’

‘I’m not. Swear on my future kids’ lives.’

‘You want kids?’ she murmurs.

‘Yeah. Always have. Take it you don’t.’

‘You know, Tilda, you have this way of assuming things about me that aren’t true.’

‘So you do want kids?’

‘A whole army of them, yeah.’ Her teeth flash in the dark. ‘Since it won’t be me popping them out.’

That’s nice to know, I guess, but I’m far too distracted to think about aligning life goals.

Haz gives me a quick kiss before releasing me. ‘So. You’re Nic’s old stepsister? Is that what we’re saying here?’

‘Yeah,’ I whisper.

‘Holy fucking shit.’ She grins up at the ceiling. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’

‘Getting an education. Same as you. This wasn’t planned, believe me.’

‘Man.’ She shakes her head. ‘That’s some manifestation shit right there.’

I smile, remembering our countless spells. ‘More like magic.’

‘Right. And she hates you, why?’ Haz sighs, rubbing her forehead, obviously trying to remember something. ‘It ended badly, right? Between your parents. That’s why you never saw each other again?’

‘Could say that.’

‘So she hates you on behalf of, what, her dad?’

‘Wish she’d tell me, Haz.’

‘He killed himself.’ Haz is still rubbing her forehead, eyes closed now. ‘Was that over your mum leaving him?’

‘She didn’t leave him,’ I all but snap. ‘She kicked him out because he was a fucking monster. Mum told me he went to prison. Never said he hanged himself.’

I’ve been thinking on that a lot, on the verge a few times of picking up the phone and calling her. Either she lied back then or she never heard about his hanging. Pisses me off that he never got locked up. Bet that’s why he did it. Even criminals aren’t fans of those who prey on kids.

‘Yeah, you’re not her stepsister,’ Haz decides, releasing a satisfied sigh. ‘Nic fucking worshipped that man. Still does. Think your mum’s been having you on. You two don’t get on, do you?’

I shift away, eyes burning with tears. That was exactly the reaction Mum had when I told her the fucked-up shit Nic’s dad had been doing. Only believed me when I showed her the evidence.

‘I’m not lying. I don’t know why Nic hates me. But I promise it’s true.’

‘Wow. Great fucking yap, Tilda. We should do this again sometime.’

I turn away from her, rubbing my wet eyes on the pillow.

‘Hey. Wait, are you actually sad?’