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STARFISH... BUT NOT THE COOL KIND

O ver the next few days, Timmy is always here—everywhere I go, every waking second, and then next to me when I sleep. He wants to be part of everything I do, every little errand or mundane task.

“I’ll come with you,” he says every time I suggest running out to the grocery store.

He insists on driving me to the post office rather than having me walk all that way, even though I love the exercise. I’ve never had someone want to accompany me on every errand before. With others, they were always happy to let me go off by myself to tackle whatever tasks they felt were boring—now, it’s the exact opposite. And while it’s a little smothering at times, there’s something about it that makes me feel special—like I’m the center of Timmy’s universe.

Consciously, I know that it’s not normal to have someone want to spend 24/7 with you. People need space, right? At least, that’s always what I’ve been told. But at the same time, it feels… really nice. Knowing I mean so much to someone that they want to be with me every second of the day. It’s flattering… almost intoxicating.

But sometimes, when I do manage to slip out on a solo errand, I feel this tiny spark of relief. I get onto the sidewalk, and crank my music on my headphones as loud as I can, and for a brief moment, I’m just me again, alone with my thoughts. Part of me wants to keep walking for hours… to run… the wind whipping through my hair, belting out the lyrics to songs he doesn’t like, or listening to one of my podcasts that he’d probably find boring. I let myself imagine it—just me, lost in my own world, free.

But then, that feeling fades. Because as soon as I picture him, waiting for me with that cheeky grin, I feel an odd sense of guilt for even wanting a sliver of time apart. I think of how cozy it is to sit beside him all day, curled up on the bed, his hand brushing against mine as he turns to me and whispers sweet things.

I’ve never been with someone who wanted this level of closeness, this much intimacy, day in and day out. Timmy talks about our future with such passion, weaving dreams of what our life will look like. “We’ll get a little house, just the two of us, and I’ll design everything. You can write all day in peace. We’ll have a beautiful garden with exotic plants, and we’ll grow our own vegetables. We’ll have a state-of-the-art grill, and even a little pizza oven beside our fire pit. Doesn’t that sound perfect?” His voice is soothing, painting a picture so vivid that I can almost see it—this future we’re building together.

He talks about his graphic design work with such enthusiasm, creativity pouring out of him, and he loves listening to me talk about my writing, encouraging me at every step. It’s like he’s always right there beside me, helping me envision this life we’re working towards.

It’s what I’ve always wanted. Someone who’s just as invested in our future as I am. Someone who’s as affectionate and loyal as I’ve always craved. So how could I say no?

But sometimes, it’s a little… much. Like when I go to the bathroom, and he just walks in. No knocking, no asking, he’s just there. “What?! I missed you!” he’ll say, as if it’s no big deal. I’ll be peeing or showering, and he’ll just wander in, like my personal space doesn’t exist. He’ll watch me shower, a cheeky gleam in his eyes, and it’s not uncommon for him to bundle me up in one of the fluffy lilac towels and hoist me over his shoulder, carrying me to the bed for more ea rth-shattering sex which will no doubt result in me needing yet another shower.

And when I pee, he yells ‘Starfish!’ And pretends he wants to pee while I am as well, aiming just in front of me into the bowl. One time I even let him do it, and he cackles as his pee sloshes from the bowl and splashes me on my leg. Gross!

At first, his constant attentiveness and random bathroom appearances make me laugh. “Timmy!” I’d say, playfully pushing him away. But now it’s just part of our routine. He’s always there, whether I want him to be or not. And while part of me feels a little suffocated by it, another part of me finds it… sweet? Endearing, even.

Because when he holds me, it’s like I’m wrapped in something warm and fluffy—like a cloud, or maybe a delicious croissant. Something soft, comforting, and buttery.

His arms around me feel safe, like a cocoon I never want to leave. And when he looks into my eyes, I see a tenderness there, a kind soul who truly wants to spend every moment with me. It’s flattering, honestly. I feel cherished in a way I never have before, like I’m the most important person in the world to him.

I’ve never been good at balancing closeness and space. As a stubborn Taurus with a streak of codependency and an anxious attachment style, I’m all in when it comes to relationships. So maybe this is what love is supposed to feel like. Maybe this constant closeness, this 24/7 connection, is just part of being with someone who truly cares. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. I guess it could seem like he’s keeping tabs on me, but I get the feeling he just… wants to be with me. And isn’t that a good thing?

Still, there’s a small voice in the back of my mind, whispering that I might need more space. That it’s okay to want to do things on my own sometimes. But when I think of him, how much he loves me, how much he wants to be around me, I brush the thought away.

Because who am I to say no to someone who loves me this much—who makes me feel this special, this needed?