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GONE, GIRL

M y phone dings.

Timmy:

My friend’s in town.

And then he just… disappears for a few days.

I reply to him, but he doesn’t answer back.

It makes me feel flat.

I’d enjoyed his daily messages, and they suddenly dried up.

Maybe he’s got sick of our conversation and just ghosted me?

But, I mean, if he’s showing his friend around the island, I guess it’s reasonable for him not to be constantly checking his phone. Then again, it only takes a moment to text someone, and his attention is noticeably absent.

He’d said ‘she’ when referring to his friend when he briefly mentioned the visit on the phone the other day. But I didn’t think much of it, because I have a ton of male friends. All platonic. Mostly, but not all, gay. Of course Timmy can have female friends.

But his radio silence makes me feel uneasy.

I tell my friend David about it.

He messages me back straight away, no hesitation.

David:

Well you could file a missing person’s report.

But I think you just need to face it—that guy is totally banging his friend while she’s visiting.

I’m sure he’ll be back. But that’s what he’s doing right now.

The thought of it makes me feel a little bit sick, but it’s not like we’re in a relationship or anything. I haven’t even met Timmy in person yet.

Yet the thought that he’s telling me he’s just hanging out with a friend, when he’s potentially really off banging them, feels a bit disingenuous.

Ugh.

I try to push all thoughts about it from my mind.

Instead, I focus on skating.

At one point, I decide to video myself. A few loops around the kitchen island, and then I tackle a transition, where I go from skating forward to backwards, and I nail it! Success! It always looks so cool when other people do it, and it’s scary just leaning into it and hoping for the best.

I leap up to do another transition, and end up way too high in the air. I come crashing down, smacking my tailbone hard on the ground and my legs flip back behind me. I almost do a complete backward flip. After a moment of being stunned, I get back to my feet and giggle as I turn off the video. Ouch! My tailbone stings, but at least now I have a funny video from it.

I send it to a few friends and post it as a Facebook reel, and it has hundreds of views within an hour .

David texts again.

David:

But it’s okay.

When he does come back, because he will…

send him that video of you roller skating and falling over.

He’ll never look at another woman again.

Who knew my first ever boyfriend would be my wise dating therapist twenty-something years later? I shake my head and laugh. Life.

But David continues:

David:

But, I get the sense this guy is deeply insecure.

He’s going to hurt you by acting out and cheating on you or something, if you do get together with him.

I’m shocked by what he has to say.

Me:

Woah. That’s a big leap. Calm down.

David:

You’ll see.

It’s weird, because we haven’t been talking for long, but I miss Timmy during his absence. I’ve gotten used to looking forward to hearing from him, and even though it’s early days, I just have a feeling about him.

And the other guys I’ve been chatting to really aren’t holding my attention in the same way.

I’m caught up on my TV shows, and other than skating around my apartment, I’m left with the daunting task of packing everything up .

It’s quite miserable, frankly. I’m sad about my breakup, even though I know it’s for the best, and I can’t punish myself by sitting here dwelling on that pain.

A Few Days Later

Timmy:

Hey.

Sure enough, he appears again, acting like nothing happened.

Me:

You disappeared.

Timmy:

Sorry, shit just got busy.

I had to drive my friend around a lot and was working.

His excuse rings a bit hollow, but again, I’m not dating the guy, so I don’t really have any type of claim on him or how he chooses to spend his time.

I have a ton of questions, but it doesn’t feel like my place to ask.

I just know this doesn’t feel good.

Timmy:

What were you up to while I was gone?

Me:

Check this out.

I send him the video.

Timmy:

Oh my god, that is fucking awesome . I keep watching it.

Did that hurt? Are you okay? You ate shit pretty hard!

Me:

I was stunned for a moment, and my tailbone still hurts a bit.

But I think it bruised my ego more than anything.

He sends a laughing emoji, which makes me laugh out loud for real.

It reminds me that he’s funny and sweet and charming.

This whole ‘friend visiting’ situation is all in my head.

I’m just on edge and anxious to move, and my mind wants to ruminate on anything, everything.

Right now, everything seems weird, and I’m reading into every word, every piece of body language. It’s not just him, it’s everyone. I have so little to do at work, and so much to do to prepare for the move. My life is upside down and sideways, and I’m generally just very out of sorts about lots of things.

I push all thoughts of anything sketchy between him and his friend out of my mind, and the conversation flows easily once again.

He’s a nice distraction. Something to look forward to in a way, if we do end up meeting.

Because right now I feel like I’m in purgatory, in limbo. I’m running around trying to get rid of all my shit and pack my life into suitcases.

I still can’t quite believe I’m moving to Sunset Cay—it seems like a dream. Work is becoming increasingly awful and uncomfortable. Beyond talking to Timmy and a few others, I just skate around my apartment. I feel like a fake shell of a person, completely useless.

So, having Timmy take an interest in me is nice, even if he disappeared for a few days. That was kind of weird and I still have a nagging feeling about it, but there’s not much I can do about it from here. Or at all. Because he doesn’t have to answer to me.

If this guy wants to invest time into me and whatever, I should be grateful, and I should enjoy it for what it is.

Whatever this is.