Page 53 of Volatile King (The Kings of Wayward Academy #6)

“The choice was simple. Shoot the girl and put her out of her misery, or leave her chained up in a cell for the three of them to use until she died. Either way…she was dead, but I got to pick—a fast, merciful death by my hand, or an agonizingly slow and terrifying one by theirs. Great options.”

I sneered and spat on the ground where my father had stood that night.

“I chose the first. Lawrence handed me his gun. I stared at it, debating my chances if I used it on him. If I killed him, then Owen would surely kill me, but that left the girl here alone with them.”

I moved into the exact spot where my feet had been. I held out my hand like I had that night and felt the phantom gun in my grip.

“He said, “Take her life, son, but tick - tock or the decision will be made for you.” I pleaded one last time. “Why can’t we just let her go? She doesn’t know what we look like.

” Lawrence just shook his head and then punched me.

I hit the ground hard, and the blood in my mouth dripped onto the floor adding to the countless other drops before mine.

The gun skidded a few feet away. I looked up at him and then at the girl whimpering on her knees.

I knew in that moment that it was better to be dead than at his mercy.

I didn’t wish any of this on anyone. I crawled over to the gun and slowly stood. ”

I held out my arm, and my hand shook just like it had three years ago.

“I pointed the gun at her chest and whispered one last time, “I’m so sorry . ” Then, I fired. Her body jerked, and blood bloomed like a flower on her white dress. Before she fell over, Lawrence grabbed the tie on the hood and pulled it free.”

Liam stepped closer and gripped my shoulder, providing what little comfort he was able.

“It was Mya,” I said, gasping. “She locked eyes with me, tears streaming down her face, and tape over her mouth as she collapsed.”

I slowly dropped down to my knees on the spot where she’d bled out.

“He tricked me into killing her and my son. I killed them…I fucking killed them,” I roared, slamming my fist into the ground. The wound on my knuckles was ripped open, and the pain was as fresh as the night it happened.

I’d pushed it so far down and refused to remember, trying to force my mind to forget. Forget the love. Forget the fear. Forget the anguish in her eyes as she stared up at me before dying.

Liam wrapped his arm around my shoulders, holding me steady as I let it all out.

“I didn’t cry,” I whispered, like admitting it out loud was the worst sin of all.

“Mya’s eyes…shit, Liam, I still see them when I close mine.

She was begging without words, reaching for me, and I just stood there.

I watched her hit the ground. And then Lawrence stepped over her like she was a stain, ripped the gun from my hands, and smirked.

“You’ll never forget this moment or the mistakes you’ve made,” he said.

“Now get out.” And I did. I left her there on the cold floor and didn’t look back.

I’ve been dead inside since that night, until Ren.

She’s the only thing that’s made me feel alive.

And I can’t do it again. I can’t watch her be taken.

I can’t watch her leave. It’s all the same.

It’s losing her…and…” I stopped shaking my head, unable to get the rest of the words out.

Liam gripped me tighter.

“You need to tell her,” Liam said, and I shook my head.

“I can’t, not yet.”

“You can, and you must. Ren of all people will understand, but also because this is eating you alive from the inside like a rot.”

“I’m a monster, Liam,” I said, my voice shaking.

Liam shifted so he was in front of me and shook me hard.

“Look at me,” he ordered.

I hesitated but finally raised my head. There was nothing in this world that would make what I did okay.

“You couldn’t have changed the outcome. No matter what you did…

Lawrence had you playing a game that he designed and already won.

It was a lose-lose for you, and he wanted it that way.

Nash…you have to stop hating yourself because you want to move on with your life.

You need to move on. We all need you to move on. ”

“What?”

“Don’t you get it? All this shit with Mya, it’s coming up because you’ve finally let someone in, but you’ve never forgiven yourself for that moment…that night. You’re stuck right here, but it wasn’t your fault.”

I slowly shook my head. “It doesn’t feel that way. I made choices that led to Mya being here.”

“She got pregnant…so what? I bet your ass that Lawrence was salivating at the chance to hold something like that over you. To try and break you. If it wasn’t Mya, it would’ve been something or someone else.

You’ve always been a threat to him. He knows it, you know it, and he doesn’t want you strong enough to go against him.

But you are. You rejected everything he is…

you rose above it. You’re our leader, our king, but more than that, you’re our brother, our family, and we would all die for you.

Not because of an oath but because you’ve earned that respect and we love you. ”

“You sound like a mushy Dean Henry,” I said, sniffling but trying to pull myself together.

“I’m not sure if that is a compliment or an insult, but I choose to believe you meant it in a good way. Like I’m all wise and shit.”

I snorted and locked eyes with my best friend.

“Tell me what to do. I can’t think straight right now.”

“Tomorrow, you’re going to reach out to Ren.

Say whatever is necessary to get her to agree.

You can’t run. You know it, not from your past and not from Ren.

If you love her as much as you say you do…

then this needs to be shared. You also need to tell her why you sealed the contract without talking to her about it.

That shit needs to come from you. But most of all, fucking listen to what she has to say.

She has the right to tell you how much you fucking hurt her, and burying your head in the sand…

dude, it’s weak.” Liam looked down at the spot where Mya died, and then back up at me again. “And you’re not weak.”

“Fuck,” I whispered, pulling my hair and needing that bite of pain to ground me.

Liam stood and held out his hand.

“Come on, let’s look through the rest of this place. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find Lawrence sleeping off a hangover. We can end this tonight.” I smirked. That was doubtful, but one could hope. “Then…I never want to see the inside of this place ever again.”

I gripped his hand and let him help me up.

“You and me both, brother.”

Liam walked toward the entrance that led to the main house, but I stayed a moment longer, staring at the ghost of Mya.

“I’m sorry. I need to let you go…it’s time,” I whispered, and the apparition faded away until all that was left was the cold, hard stone.

“Hey. You good?”

I looked over at Liam and nodded.

“Just needed to say goodbye.”

Rolling my shoulders, I let him take the lead and slowly pieced myself back together.

In this room, Lawrence had taught me that a real leader wasn’t born…he was carved out of scars and blood. He taught me how to destroy, but I was going to spend the rest of my life proving I could build instead.

I was done walking in a dead man’s shadow. Whatever came next…win or lose…it would be on my terms.

My hands.

My crown.

My queen.