Page 84 of Unexpectedly You

“Thank you,” I say and then close the call. I bang my head against the wall. I can’t do this without Jay, he’s the hidden strength behind my own.

“What did he say?”

“Crap!” I shout, turning around.

“It’s only me and Arianna. We were missing you.”

“I missed you both too,” I say while walking towards them, and when I’m close I place a kiss on Arianna’s head and one on Jay’s lips.

“So?”

“He’s going to check tomorrow, and then he’ll let me know where we are.”

“I heard my name.”

“Yeah, I was telling him about you.”

“What did he say?”

“Jay…” What can I really say to him that won’t have him running away?

“Tell me.”

I’ve never seen him like this. Detached, as if he’s already walking away.

I won’t lie to him, because I demanded for him to always tell me the truth. “Your presence could be a reason for them to find me unfit, because of your history.”

“I’m leaving.”

If a tone of voice could kill, I’d be dead. That’s what I just did to Jay. It’s as if I planted a knife in his heart and twisted it a couple of times.

His face is ashen and his body is trembling so much I’m afraid he’ll let Arianna fall, so I take her, and that seems to be another knife going in.

“No, you’re not leaving. We’ve had this conversation already. I want you here.”

Arianna begins to cry, as if she understands what’s happening right now. As if she understands that our fragile family is breaking.

I try to rock her, but it has the opposite effect of making her cry louder. I try giving her the dummy but she spits it out, and she wiggles so much as if she’s trying to push me away.

Jay watches for a moment as if deciding whether this is the right moment to go, or if he should stay and comfort her, and me in the process. I breathe better when he takes the few steps that bring him close to us.

“Princess,” he calls her, while rubbing her tummy. “What’s wrong?”

She stops for a moment at hearing Jay’s voice but then begins again.

I hand her over to him, and as if by magic she settles down. She must be upset with me because I’ve upset Jay.

Jay doesn’t know what to do, but I’m grateful for Arianna’s meltdown because it forces Jay to stay, at least for now.

“Can you take care of her while I make a few calls?”

“I—“

“I need to get you the money.”

“Okay.”

I watch him walk away from me, my heart breaking at the idea that very soon that could be a reality. A reality I don’t want to live, so I need to think of something.