Page 68 of Unexpectedly You
“She must be hungry,” I say, glancing at the clock. “I’m sorry,” I say, standing up and putting Arianna back in the pushchair.
Once we’re outside, I turn around to look at Jerr. “Shall we go back home?”
He shakes his head. “Maybe another time. I need to go.”
“Are you sure? It’s just going to be me, you, and this princess.”
“Yeah, I have things to do, people to see.” He fans his face, making me laugh, but there’s a tightness around his mouth that has me worried. “Jerr, are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Okay,” I say even if doubt lingers. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?” Guilt keeps hitting me in waves and making the sumptuous meal—at least for us—sit heavily on my stomach.
“I won’t,” he says, pulling me into a gentle hug, and I return it.
His gentle hug breaks me. “I’m going to talk to Haden, as soon as I’m home. I don’t want you to go back there.” Wrapping my arms tightly around Jerr, I’m unable to let him go back to that dangerous place without me.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Jerr…” My voice dies, because what can I say to him? Even with all the talking and reassurances, I’m not the one walking back there and facing Dick. While there is a good possibility the money will please him, there’s also a good possibility that he’ll take it out on Jeremy.
I watch him walk away, feeling like I’m betraying him, feeling like the scum I’m sending him back to. I’m abandoning him. I don’t deserve Arianna, I don’t deserve Haden. And I don’t deserve Jeremy.
It’s time I stop living my new beautiful and secure life and instead do something to save the person who’s been with me through thick and thin.
Walking back home is a walk in guiltyland.
Feeding Arianna, changing her, and putting her to bed, are all things I do automatically while my head is spinning, trying to find a way to get Dick to fuck off and for Jeremy to be safe. The only solution that makes any sense is to ask Haden to help. But would I not be putting him in danger by pulling him into this situation?
Shouldn’t I instead accept what I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy with them and take it back with me to support me while repaying my debt?
To keep myself occupied and not go mad while Arianna sleeps, I clean. I empty the fridge, and by the time I’m done a couple of hours later, it’s spotless.
Haden comes in the door, and it’s tempting to talk to him immediately, but Arianna chooses that moment to make her presence known.
I let Haden care for her while I prepare her bottle, and hand it to him when he joins me in the kitchen.
Haden leans in and steals a quick kiss, and the guilt that’s eating at me already grows with the pleasure of his lips pressed against mine.
I never thought it would be so heartbreaking to be happy.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, probably surprised by finding every single cleaning product he owns on the counter.
“Yeah.” The answer doesn’t sound true even to my ears.
“Angel.” His warning tone at my obvious lie.
“Can we talk about it later?” I say, pointing to Arianna with a nod.
“Okay,” he says, leaning in and kissing my head, making me feel ten feet tall, and even guiltier.
I focus on getting dinner ready, some steak and potatoes for us, and soup with baby pasta for Arianna.
I’m not that hungry, so instead of playing with my food, I feed Arianna, and her happy face and giggle makes my heart a little lighter. Maybe she’ll be one of those people who make the world a better place to live in.
Again, once we’re done with dinner, I leave Arianna to Haden, and I focus on cleaning the kitchen and putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. When I’m done, and Haden hasn’t come out of the room yet, I sit on the sofa and take one of the books from the table. I don’t have the mind to concentrate on it, and when I find myself reading the same passage for the fifth time, I close the book with a bam that feels too loud, but one that conveys all my frustration.
“It must be a very bad book.”