Page 41 of Unexpectedly You

“Let’s change her,” he says, and doesn’t wait for me to get my head around it. Instead, when I don’t move and just look at him like a deer in headlights, he walks to my chest of drawers and opens each of them, pulling out what the baby needs. He places everything next to me and then runs to the bathroom and comes back with a towel.

“Pick her up,” he says, pointing to the baby. “You always need a towel under her just in case her nappy is dirty.”

I do as I’m ordered, while my mind goes in a totally different direction. I wonder if this bossy side of him will transport into bed… Oh, the visions my brain is coming up with.

I’d love to tame that part of him, until he’s coming apart in my hands and sobbing my name while I make him scream in pleasure.

“Haden?”

And here I am again, deer in the headlights. I turn my head so he can’t see my tomato-like face, from imagining him naked and under me while taking care of Arianna, and also to hide the lust still clouding my eyes.

Think with your big head, I berate myself

I’m glad neither Jay nor Arianna can see inside my head, because those thoughts are R-rated.

I focus my attention on the assigned task, and I pick her up after four or five attempts. I count it as a win.

The respect I have for the man next to me grows when he just looks at me without spurring me on or complaining because of my ineptitude.

He places the towel on the bed and I place Arianna on top, facing me, then I turn to Jay for directions.

He hands me the nappy, and I look at him, paralysed by surprise and the fear of doing something wrong.

“It’ll be okay,” he says, gently touching my arm, and that simple gesture gives me the push I need.

My hands are too big to handle these small items. The nappy takes Jay intervening to get changed properly, after I threw a few away.

How does he know what to do?

Arianna wiggles, and the leg I was able to get inside the onesie slips out again. I groan, and she giggles. I smile, and Jay chuckles at my misfortune.

Since when is being with someone so easy and peaceful?

When Arianna tries to wiggle away again, I focus my attention on my task. Dress her. Her clothes are too small and her body is too restless, so it’s a struggle to get her changed.

Her fingers wrap around my hand when I caress her tummy to calm her down, and it’s like they’re wrapping up around my heart. In that moment it becomes clear to me that I’ll do everything for her.

Jay directs and I follow. He does it with kindness and serenity, as if there’s all the time in the world to get it right. He guides me while I change the baby, and when things don’t work, he takes over. He’s never forceful, but instead he waits for me to ask for help. Not that I really want to, but this baby is a menace. A very cute menace.

I watch in rapture as he talks to Arianna in a soft and tender voice, telling her what he’s going to do, and I envy the confidence he has when he gently touches her to make sure she’s always comfortable and happy.

When he’s done, I try to pick her up, and when I struggle, Jay teaches me how it should be done

“Thank you,” I say when Arianna is safe in my arms, her small fist once again in her mouth and her eyes on me, observing and weighing me as if she’s trying to evaluate whether I’m good enough to take care of her.

Maybe not, but damn if I’m not going to try hard.

I use my hand to caress her little nose, and this time with my focus all on her, I marvel at how her tiny head fits in the crock of my elbow, and how her eyes flutter while she observes me, probably deciding whether I’m friend or foe.

I hadn’t been around my sister much after Arianna was born. Now it seems like a dumb thing, but I didn’t want to bother her. I deprived her and myself of the possibility to spend time together. I would have noticed something if I was around more… I push those thoughts back into that dark hole inside me. It’s not the time now. I just hope that Arianna remembers me just a little.

I leave the past in the bedroom and I walk to the living room. I take a seat on the sofa, deciding that nothing in this moment is more important than my…daughter.

Jay sits next to me, and his attention, like mine, is all on the baby. “You did well. She looks happy.”

I snort, and both Arianna and Jay giggle. “We did,” I say, because I was a willing participant. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“You would have figured it out.”