Page 94 of Under Your Scars

THE ANGEL

I wake up panting, sobbing quietly to myself in a panic at the horrific nightmares plaguing me. I think it's the painkillers. They do something to my brain other than block my pain receptors.

It’s a matter of which type of pain I would prefer.

Physical or mental?

Would I rather have my ribs ache, or have memories of rape flash across my mind every time my eyes close?

I hold my hands up in front of me and realize I’m trembling. On the bedside table next to me is a glass of water, and I down it in several big gulps.

My phone is resting on the nightstand, plugged into the charger. I grab it and immediately FaceTime my brother.

As it rings, I glance out the window. It’s dark. My phone tells me it’s nearly midnight. Despite it being so late, after several rings, my brother’s face pops up on the screen and a small breath of relief escapes me.

“Hi,” I croak.

“Hi,” Travis answers quietly. “Are you okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I wipe some lingering wetness from my cheek with my thumb. “I just had a nightmare.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

A fair question, but I shake my head. “No. I just wanted to hear your voice. Mom and dad are here, but I didn’t want to wake them up.”

“Oh, so you chose to wake me up instead?” he teases. It pulls a small smile from me, albeit a sad one. “Hey, you know I’m kidding. You can call me anytime, about anything. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to see you. Justin’s mom just got a heart transplant and it’s been hard on him.”

“Trav, it’s okay. I get it.”

“But,” he drawls out, “mom told me all about your, and I quote,super-hot boyfriend.”

I immediately burst into tears.

“Hey. Hey. Okay, hottie is a touchy subject. Got it.”

“Sorry,” I sniffle. “Shit, I’m sorry. I just…” I give him a soft, apologetic smile because what I’m about to say is probably one of the most hurtful things you can say to someone that loves you. “I’ve just never felt more alone than I do right now. It feels like I’m in a cage, Travis.”

“That’s trauma.”

I tuck my knees to my chest. “You don’t even know the half of it.” I take a deep, shaky breath, and try to give him a convincing smile. “I’ll let you go to bed. Thank you though, for answering.”

“I love you, Ellie.”

“I love you too.”

And with that, we end our video chat. I set my phone down and cry into my knees for a few more minutes, until my head aches as much as my chest does. I’m never going to take breathing normally for granted ever again.

There’s no way in hell I’m going to be able to fall back asleep anytime soon, so I take the empty glass from my bedside table to get some more water. Mercifully, my room is on the bottom floor, so I don’t have to face the horrors of trying to go up and down stairs in my condition. I rub my eyes and slap around the wall of the kitchen until I find the light switch. I flip it on, and nearly jump out of my skin. I scream and drop the glass at my feet. Edwin is standing about six inches from me, balancing on a walker with a shocked expression on his face.

“Be careful. Don’t cut up your feet, Elena.”

I blink at him, and my body goes rigid as my arms fall to my sides. “You…you know me?”

He gives me a gummy smile. “A’course, I know you. My brain doesn’t always work right, but I never forget a pretty face. Especially one my son is so fond of.”

“What are you doing in here?”

“Same as you, I’d imagine. Getting some water.”