Page 91 of Under Your Scars

She smiles at me and places a soft hand on my arm. “Luckily for you I’m an expert at getting people to talk. I’m a therapist. And a mother.”

I scoff. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

Unfazed by my stubbornness, she laces her fingers with mine and squeezes my hand. “I can care about you and Ellie at the same time, you know.”

I blow out a long breath, smoke wafting in the air in front of us. “I’m not sure why you’d waste your concern on me.”

“You’re feeling guilty about not being there to stop this from happening to her.”

I give her a sardonic scoff. “Among other things. Is it really so obvious?”

She pats over our connected hands. “Only to me. Because I saw this same look that you have on your face thirty years ago, when I met Elliot and he felt guilty for not being there to stop his family from getting killed.”

I let out a shaky breath, letting the stale truth sit in the air between us like cigarette smoke. “It’s my fault,” I whisper, looking down at my feet in shame.

“Is it? Or are you finding ways to torture yourself with blame?”

“It’s my fault,” I repeat, unable to elaborate, but knowing in my bones that the blame is well deserved.

Not only did I get Elena kidnapped, raped, and beaten. Not only did I spend our entire relationship lying to her.

The worst of my sins?

I sabotaged her birth control. I was so desperate to tie her to me forever that I replaced her pills. She hasn’t been protected in a month.

If she’s pregnant with Frank or Neil’s baby, that’s it for me. The final nail in the coffin of our relationship. There would be no saving it.

I’ve never prayed. Not once in my life, but I look up at the sky and blow out some smoke.

Hey, if you’re listening, don’t make Elena suffer any more than she already has. Please.

I’m not a man who says please often.

“Is that how Ellie feels, too?”

“Of course it is. Shehatesme.”

Bethany hums. “Is that why she’s asking for you?”

“That’s a cruel joke.”

Not saying another word, Bethany tugs on my arm until I follow her. I discard my second cigarette and let her lead me back through the hospital and up to Elena’s room. When we get there, Elena is flipped on her side, facing my chair. She’s holding my leather jacket to her chest like her life depends on it.

When she meets my eyes, she doesn’t say anything, but I see the tiniest wave of relief ease out the tension in her body.

When I glance back up at Bethany, she gives me an encouraging smile, and a small wave of relief washes over me too.

Because maybe we’ll be alright after all.

When Elena gets discharged from the hospital, her parents take me up on the offer to stay with us at the mansion.

As I drive us there, it’s pretty obvious they weren’t expecting a mansion.

Bethany is sitting up front with me, and Elena’s in the back with her father. She hasn’t said a word to me and won’t even spare a look in my direction. Bethany, however, is bouncing in her seat as we cruise down the driveway. She makes small gasps of awe as she takes it all in.

Coming to a stop at the end of the driveway, I cut my losses and let Elliot help his daughter out of the car while I hold out my arm for Bethany. We walk together into my home and even though there are three other people with me, it’s never felt so empty.

I take a deep breath and turn to Elena’s parents. “Please make yourselves at home. Guest rooms are down that hall; pick any one you want. Kitchen is that way. If you get hungry just tell the chef, Paolo, and he will take care of you. If you need anything at all, just ask any of the staff.”