Page 181 of Under Your Scars

THE SILENCER

It’s been a full twenty-four hours since Elena was kidnapped, and I’m on the verge of just putting a bullet in my skull becauseI can’t take it anymore.

Except I can’t do that, because I have Caroline and she needs me.

But Elena needs me too andI can’t fucking find her. I thought nothing could be worse than watching her get raped and being powerless to stop it, but this? Not knowing where she is or if she’s okay?

Fucking torture.

I went out into the city for seventeen hours straight looking for her and found nothing. I would have stayed out longer, but Bethany kept blowing up my phone because Caroline wanted me, and I was stuck choosing between my wife and my daughter.

Thank fuck for Bethany for taking care of Caroline while I’ve been out searching. She’s not talking to me, but that’s an issue I’ll deal with later. I didn’t tell Bethany that Elena’s bracelet is a tracker, and Caroline’s been using it as a necklace for her stuffed rabbit, and she carries that raggedy stuffed animal everywhere, so I’ll know the second Bethany decides to do something stupid like skip town.

Elena and I never talked about what my priorities should be in this situation because I never thought wewouldbe in this situation. It has been agony and I don’t know how I’m going to make it another minute without knowing where Elena is or if she’s okay.

When I find her, I’m going to fucking embed that fucking tracker under her skin so that this never happens again.

I’m outside in the backyard smoking through a pack of cigarettes, trying to think logically about how I’m going to search the entire fucking island by myself.

Elena’s going to be mad at me for smoking, because I quit for Caroline, but I’m so close to losing my shit and this is the only thing I can do to try and keep my head straight.

I’m breathing through the beginnings of a panic attack when I feel Caroline tug on the side of my jeans.

“Daddy? Did you find mommy yet?”

Jesus Christ, is this what Elena felt like when I was in the hospital and Caroline would ask when I was going to wake up?

“No baby, but I will. I promise,” I say, picking her up and blowing out my smoke to the side. “I’m going to find her.”

Caroline wrinkles her nose at the smell of the cigarette smoke as I put it out in the ashtray. “Those are stinky.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Caroline’s blue eyes stare into mine for a second, and then she crosses her arms and huffs. “Mommy is the best at hide and seek.”

I laugh humorlessly. “Fuck yeah, she is.” I suck in a harsh breath and cover my mouth. “Donottell her I said that in front of you.”

Caroline furrows her brow at me. “Can I have ice cream for dinner?”

I scoff again, amazed at how well this four-year-old child can manipulate me already.

She got that from me.

I’m so proud.

“Yes, you can have ice cream for dinner,” I concede.

Caroline does a zipping motion over her mouth to indicate she will uphold her end of the bargain, and I wistfully laugh and kiss her cheek, hugging her even tighter to my chest.

“Grandpa says I can help him choose his next puzzle. Will you show me where they are?”

I take a deep breath and nod. I take her inside and lead her to the game room on the first floor where I keep a cabinet full of puzzles for Edwin. I wait for her to dig through the boxes. She chooses the one with the most purple pieces. Big shocker there.

I lead her to where Edwin is waiting in the study for her, and Edwin gives me a big grin that tells me he has no idea what the fuck is going on.

I have a meeting with the public information officer at the MCPD to, at the very least, have them put out an announcement that Elena’s missing and that I’m offering a seven-figure reward for anyone who brings her to me.

When he arrives, I greet him at the door but insist we talk outside in the driveway. One, because I need a smoke, and two, I don’t want Caroline to see him. I feel like if she sees a cop and hears Elena’s name, she’ll put two and two together, and I don’t want her to worry.