Page 174 of Under Your Scars

“What’s for dinner?” I ask Caroline. It’s Monday, and on Mondays, we let her pick the meal.

“Pizza! With lots of cheese!”

I pick her up and carry her towards the kitchen to find dinner almost ready. Paolo is sprinkling fresh-grated parmesan on top of the steaming pies. I set Caroline on the counter and glance around the room.

“Where’s dad?” I ask.

My mom crinkles her nose and shrugs. “He said he had an emergency with a client. Something about the mayor’s wife, I think?”

“Oh, Jeannine!” I reply, just to fill the awkward tension that suddenly seeped into the room at the mention of my father. “She’s lovely.”

My mom gives me a half-hearted smile and helps Caroline pick a slice of pizza.

“Tell me,” I prompt, because I can see that she wants to say something but won’t.

“I…” She takes a deep breath. “It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

She stares down at her granddaughter and sighs. “I remember when you were this little. You and Travis were always fighting over who got to ride on your father’s shoulders when we would go somewhere. I’ve never seen someone love their children the way he loves you.”

“Mom…” I choke out, my throat burning.

She sniffles. “Feels like yesterday we were sending you off to chase your dreams in this city. Now you have a beautiful family of your own. Time just…flies by.”

I reach across the counter to rest my hand over hers. “Someone’s feeling sentimental,” I tease. She gives me a sad smile and blinks away the wetness in her eyes as a heavy set of footsteps come around the corner. Gavin walks in, pausing when he spots us at one of the double islands.

He nods to greet us. “Mrs. Reeves. Mrs. Young.”

I point with my pinky towards one of the three pizzas Paolo prepared. “Want some? The three of us can’t finish all of this.”

He shrugs. “Why not?”

With Gavin’s help, we get through two of the three pies. He tells us that in one week, he’s taking his wife on the honeymoon they never got to have. A gift from Christian for protecting me when he was shot. They’re going to Belize.

“Sounds like fun,” I quip. “Going to make another baby while you’re there?”

Gavin chuckles. “All my wife talks about is having another baby, so probably.”

“Mommy?” Caroline asks. “Can I have a baby brother?”

I cock my head to the side in amusement. “Sure, I’ll get right on that,” I say, tapping her nose.

Christian and I agreed when we adopted Caroline that we’d wait at least a year before we started trying to have a baby, but I’m not sure if a year is enough time for me.

Not because I don’t want a baby, but because I don’t think I’m emotionally ready to have my genitals poked and prodded by strangers throughout the pregnancy.

Sex with Christian makes me feel safe. Loved. Free. His touch is comforting. The thought of anyone else coming near me fills me with ice-cold fear, and he knows that. The last time we talked about it, he promised me he’d wait as long as it takes for me to be ready.

As for Caroline? Well, she’s only been our daughter for a couple of months, and we haven’t quite gotten around to explaining how that’s perhaps not an appropriate question to ask.

But when have we ever said no to her?

My train of thought is interrupted by two loudpopscoming from the foyer. My blood runs cold. I know a gunshot when I hear it.

Instantly, I lunge for Caroline and tightly hug her to my chest as I squat to the floor and shove her inside one of the large cabinets under the island.

“Caro, look at me,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm. “We’re going to play a game of hide and seek, okay? You hide right here, and daddy is going to come find you.” I take the diamond bracelet off my wrist and hit the panic button, clasping it around her ankle. “Don’t make a sound, and don’t come out for anyone but daddy. Okay?”