Page 25

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LOGAN

C an we talk later?

Damn, damn, damn. He wanted to end us. My thoughts spiraled around at his words, and Jordan gave me a knowing glance. Her gaze screamed I told you not to fall in love with him, you big dumb-dumb.

I hoped, secretly, that we could figure this out and not be done when the season started. But we’d both agreed on that, and this heartbreak felt harder, slower somehow. The difference between this and Gage was that even though it hurt and I wanted more with Quentin, I also wanted him happy.

I hoped he would have the best hockey season ever, get drafted, achieve all his dreams, and thrive. He needed to forgive himself and live life with more joy. I’d foolishly thought I could be a part of that, but even if I wasn’t, I wanted it for him.

When Gage and I ended, I didn’t hope for his happiness. I wanted him to stub his pinky toe on corners the rest of this life. That had lessened, but the stark difference of how I loved Quentin over Gage was wild.

“Logan.” Quentin’s voice dripped with annoyance.

I flinched and cut the tip of my finger with the knife. “Damn!” I sucked the little bit of blood off the tip as I faced him. His face was hard lines, tight jaw, and anger swirling in his eyes.

“What is it?”

He glanced at the hand I clutched against my chest, frown lines forming between his eyebrows. “Gage is here. Said you were expecting him.”

Expecting wasn’t the right word, but yeah, I knew he wanted to drop some stuff off. I wiped my hands on a towel. “Hey, Dan, be right back.”

“I’ll put one of these guys to work.”

Quentin glared at me, questions in his eyes as I walked through the kitchen and toward the hallway that led to the door. It was in slow motion, almost. His nostrils flared, and his cheek twitched, and right as I neared him, he gently gripped my elbow and stopped me.

“Why did you invite him over?” His tone had an edge to it. One I really didn’t appreciate.

“We can add it to the list when we talk later,” I replied, yanked my elbow out of his reach. My pulse raced, and my stomach ached with longing. It shouldn’t matter to him anymore if I spoke with Gage.

Okay, yeah. Maybe him rejecting hanging out with me, then saying we needed to talk was messing with me. I thought we had one more week together before the goodbye happened. But maybe it was better this way. Like ripping off a Band-Aid.

Without looking back at Quentin, I moved to our small front porch and eyed my ex-boyfriend. He stood there in jeans and a nice polo, holding flowers and a small bag. He wore a nervous smile and swallowed hard. “Hi, Logan, you look amazing.”

“Thank you.” My skin blushed from his attention. This blush wasn’t how it used to be. I didn’t want this attention, but my stupid skin reacted that way. Turning around, I was going to shut the door, but I met Quentin’s gaze across the hallway. He had no right to look heartbroken. His gaze burned into me, almost begging me to not speak to Gage. He could use his words or continue staring, but I was having a conversation with Gage either way. This was overdue, and this was the first time I felt secure and healthy enough to do this. Closure. The final step.

I closed the door, then faced the guy who’d caused me so much turmoil. “Why are you here, Gage? What are we doing? You said you had some of my stuff that you’d drop off. I know I didn’t leave flowers there.”

“I brought them for you as a thank you.” He handed my favorite flowers to me. “You taught me what I want out of love, out of a partner. I also have been reflecting a lot, and my dad and I spoke…I’m really sorry for how much I hurt you.”

“Gage.” I closed my eyes, wincing.

“No, seriously. Please, sit.” He patted the stair next to him, and I joined him. There were a few inches between us, but our bodies didn’t touch. He smelled the same, like leather and mint, and it was almost nostalgic. “I understand now that you won’t get back with me, but I also want to let you know that if you ever change your mind, I’m all in.”

“I won’t. It’s strange,” I said, sighing, staring at the flowers resting at my feet. “I’m over the heartbreak now and am thinking about our time as a memory, as my first love.”

“How are you over us? I’m not.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “I still love you so much, Logan.”

“Are you sure?” I stiffened. “I’ve learned what I want in a boyfriend now, and we weren’t that great together.”

“What? Yes, we were .”

“No.” I chuckled and put a hand on his forearm and squeezed. “We were fine. Normal for a first real relationship.” I smiled. Genuinely, a warm joy formed in my heart, thinking about all the firsts with him. “Looking back, I wasn’t my true self with you. I’ve grown a lot, and we wouldn’t have made it. First loves tend to end.”

“If I wouldn’t have done what I did,” he paused, swallowing hard. “We would still be together.”

I winced, the pain of his betrayal lingering. I wondered if it would ever fully go away or if it’d live and be a part of me. I was proud that despite my trust being shattered I’d fallen for someone else. Sure, Quentin and I probably wouldn’t go anywhere, and my soul ached thinking about the future, but Gage hadn’t broken me. “I think we would’ve grown apart to be honest. I’m on my own now, I’m changing, growing, becoming a new version of myself. I like this version. Hell, if I’m being honest, I think I would’ve broken up with you eventually.”

He cussed and let out another long sigh. “I disagree, but it’s useless to talk about. I am really sorry I cheated on you. It truly was one time, and I don’t know. Rebecca complimented me on the things you’d nag me on. You were hanging with Jordan more, and Preston. You had this life outside of me, and I handled the jealousy and insecurities poorly. I regret what I did and regret even more inviting her to dinner that night.”

“Oh yeah. That.” I sucked my teeth. “Here’s the thing, Gage. I had my closure with Rebecca. I had no idea she hated me the entire time. After today, we’ll have closure. I wish you well, but I don’t want to stay friends.”

“Fuck.” He pinched his nose. “Of course you don’t. I don’t deserve it.”

“It’s not that. We had our time and grew from it. When I see you, I think about the betrayal and Rebecca and losing two of my friends. You were one of my best friends too, Gage, and I lost that with you. In time, I’ll think about you with fondness, but what do you see when you look at me?”

I met his gaze and held it, feeling all the things.

Our first kiss. Our date. The time he said he loved me. The formal dinners. The betrayal. The heartbreak. The healing.

“I see my biggest regret,” he whispered.

“That’s not healthy for you.” I held his hand and squeezed. “You need to move on and never repeat this mistake again.”

He hung his head and kissed the back of my hand. “Yeah. This feels like a real goodbye.”

“It is.” My eyes prickled, the weight of our conversation washing over me. “Please leave me alone after this, okay?”

He nodded and yanked me to him in a hug. “I’m sorry for everything. Thank you.”

I squeezed him back, breathing in his familiar cologne I’d bought him two years ago. When he released me, I had no thoughts about missing the way his arms felt around me. I wouldn’t miss him. It was the best, liberating feeling in the world. He waved one last time before walking away.

Damn.

It had taken five months of healing, and a little bit of Quentin showing me how good things could be, to feel settled. I hoisted up the small box of my things and the flowers and walked inside to Quentin leaning against the hallway wall, arms crossed and green eyes fuming.

“He touched you.”

“Quentin, it wasn’t?—”

“Are you back with him? Did you forgive him for sleeping with one of your friends?”

I flinched, and Jordan’s gasp carried from the kitchen. His voice was pointed and mean.

“Why are you speaking to me like this?” I said, proud of standing up straighter.

“Were you going to tell me at all?”

“What are you talking about?” My heart thudded against my ribcage, the meanness of his voice upsetting me more than the entire chat with Gage. “Why are you being mean to me?”

“Yeah, dude, back the fuck up.” Jordan marched over to me in the hallway, her finger pointed at Quentin’s chest. “Do not speak to her that way.”

Quentin blinked, his posture stiffening before he paled. It was like a switch went off. He recoiled, his mouth opening and closing as he raised his hands in the air. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Then he shook his head and went the opposite direction, disappearing into the kitchen. The back door opened and shut.

“What the hell was that?” Jordan faced me, concern all over her expression.

“I don’t… he accused me of things with Gage, but Gage and I finally have the closure I needed. It was a great conversation. I just… came in, and he said those things.” I twisted my fingers together, unease deep in my gut. “He told me he wanted to talk to me later too. It felt like the talk .”

“Didn’t appreciate the tone he used.”

“Yeah, me neither.” I rubbed my chest, a deep pang forming in there. “That was out of character for him. He’s never been like that to me. I should make sure he’s okay.”

“You’re too sweet for this world, Logan. Not sure I agree with you chasing him, but I trust you. Just promise me. No heartbreak, right?”

I met her gaze and nodded. “Right.” I squeezed her hand. “I’ll go talk to him while the fries are cooking. Then we can finish our meal together. We made plans tonight, and I’m sticking to them.”

“Oh, I know you are. You’re not getting out of dinner. Plus, there’s no way you’d miss fry night.” She chuckled and stared at the back door. “Twenty minutes, Log.”

“You got it, boss.”

The door creaked as I pushed it open, the immediate sounds of cicadas and crickets filling the silence of the guys inside. Quentin stood facing the yard, his back taut and his hands spread out, gripping the railing. From here, I could feel the tension.

“Hi,” I whispered, nerves getting the best of me. “Can we talk?”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Logan.” He cleared his throat but made no moves to turn or face me. “I had no right to speak that way to you or demand answers.”

“It was out of character for you. Is…is there a reason you’re not facing me right now?”

God, my insides were twisted and bent right now. The energy radiating off him was palpable and not in a good way. I wanted to touch him, to feel the comfortable ease between us again while at the same time not be near him. He’d never hurt me, it wasn’t that. It was like he wore a sign that said leave me the fuck alone.

I just couldn’t do that.

“I don’t deserve to look at you.”

“Quentin,” I chided him. Closing the distance between us, I placed my hand on his upper back. “I don’t know what is going on right now, but I hate it. Please talk to me.”

He stiffened at my touch, something he had never done before. I immediately dropped my hand and stepped back. If he was pushing me away, then fine. I wouldn’t fight for something he didn’t want.

And that was what this felt like.

After what felt like ten minutes, he turned with his back to the railing and his focus on me. The soft expressions I’d grown to love, like the dimples and easy smile and amused eyes, were gone. Instead, his face was flat.

“I should never have spoken to you that way. It shows why this is a good thing we’re ending. We were never meant to be more than temporary, Logan. The season starts next week, and sure, we agreed until then, but its best if we end now.”

I’d mentally prepared for the end, even anticipated him ending it early, but nothing prepared me for the physical feeling of hearing him say the words. My stomach bottomed out, and my mouth dried up. The edges of my heart cracked, almost like it was holding out hope for a different answer despite what he said. “Are you—” I started, my voice scratchy. “We are good together.”

“Good friends, yes. You can go back with Gage now.”

“Is that what this is about?” I blinked, shaking my head in utter disbelief. “You damn well know I’m over him. Today was true closure. That was it. I don’t want him. I haven’t for a long time.”

A muscle in his cheek twitched, and he flexed his jaw. “You might say that, but you were with him for a long time and should be with someone who can date you.”

“You’re telling me I should go back with the guy who cheated on me? Who left me in a bar before?”

His throat bobbed as he shrugged. “If you want to.”

“What is wrong with you?” I yelled, my eyes watering from how unfair this was. “What happened between yesterday and today? Where is my Quentin? The one I know and fell in?—”

“Don’t. Don’t do this.” He ran a hand over his face, his chest heaving. “This is over between us. I can’t have any distractions, and tonight proved that’s what you are. I need to focus on hockey, and you need someone more emotionally available. I’m not for you, Logan. We both know it.”

“I don’t get to contribute to the conversation?” I seethed. “How fitting.”

“It’s for the best, for both of us. Trust me.”

Moisture pooled in my eyes and spilled over, anger and devastation swirling in my stomach. I wanted to scream at him, tell him how he was wrong and throwing away a good thing, but my lips trembled, and I forced my mouth shut. I knew he was hurt and trying to get better, but it wasn’t my job to fix him.

My promise to Jordan seemed weak, but I’d promised no heartbreak so that’s what I’d portray. Even if it hurt me. “Okay then,” I said, sniffing and pushing my hair behind my ears. “You’re probably right.”

“I’m sorry, Logan, truly?—”

“It’s fine.” I waved a shaky hand in the air, already stepping back toward the house. “Thanks for a fun few weeks. Good luck with hockey.”

Then I went inside and shut the door as I took a few settling breaths. I wanted to cry and bury my face into my pillow, yell at him that we brought out the best in each other, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t fight for someone who didn’t want me in that way.

He needed my friendship. That I knew, even if he didn’t say it. I had to work through these feelings fast to support him in that way because despite all this shit, I loved Quentin. I loved his bruised heart and how good he truly was. He needed more people supporting him, not less.

I’d be the best friend he’d ever had, but I just had to deal with this stupid little heartbreak first.