Page 24

24

QUENTIN

“ O ur season starts in a week, Wolves, and our practice today focuses on three things. First, team cohesion. We win and lose together. The better we play off one another, the more likely we are to win. We all have our own motivations to play well, some stronger than others.” Coach Reiner stopped, and I swore he stared at me.

Then he clapped Coach Daniels on the back and continued pacing around our locker room. “Tactical focus is the second. We need to fine-tune our systems. We’ll work on special teams, breakouts, and forechecking. Guys, I can feel the potential sitting in this room. I’ve coached for a few years now, and every year has a different flavor…this one is special.”

A few of the guys howled, hitting the lockers with their sticks and causing a ruckus.

“ Okay, Coach, let’s go!” Liam cheered, and the team howled.

Once it died down, Coach continued. “Making game time choices are hard and only come with experience. Being mentally sharp is what makes or breaks teams. Now, let’s go warm the hell up and get ready for next week.”

Howls echoed off the walls as we made our way to the ice. Preston started howling once during summer workouts, and for some reason, it stuck, and now it was our thing. My blood hummed once my skates hit the ice for our warmups and conditioning, the familiar cold on my face and sounds of blades on ice.

I loved playing hockey. I loved who I was on the ice. If I could make a career out of it, I would, but I’d never take Audrey and Theo up on their offer. I had to earn this myself, and that meant playing my ass off the next two years. It started with every practice, every conditioning, and every drill.

I channeled my nerves for my intake appointment that was right after practice and had the best scrimmage I’d had in a while. I didn’t think about my mom or my future or Logan…I let myself feel each movement as we moved into special teams.

“Yo, Hawthorne, my dude.” Liam came up and nudged my shoulder. “I want what you have.”

“Then play better.”

“Jokes. Jokes, Q.”

The whole day went like that. The guys recognized the fire in my eyes and the talent I worked hard for. My ego had gotten in the way of my skill the last few years, and I was done being that fucking guy.

Theo was a great role model for a lot of things, but the best reason was he never acted like he was better than others because he was drafted. He remained in his own lane and brought people along with him. I wanted to be him.

The three hours flew by, and I quickly showered, dressed, and was on my way out the door when J.D. stopped me. “Got a second?”

“I have an appointment in thirty, but I have a few minutes.”

“You’re stepping up where it matters. There are a lot of routes to the NHL and free agency, and your stats are solid. Scouts still pay attention to juniors and seniors, especially those who rise up as leaders. Be the reliable guy. You have the potential, and I’m starting to see it. Keep it up, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Reiner is more the sir type. Coach is fine.” He smiled and squeezed my shoulder. “We have a lot of contacts with scouts since Cal Holt and Theo came through this program. We’re known for preparing athletes for the pros. Can’t confirm or deny which games, but word is that a scout for Minnesota will be here next week for our opener.”

“Minnesota?” I repeated. Theo’s team.

“Acorns, yup. I spoke a lot with Steve a bit about Theo. I’d love to mention you if the opportunity strikes, so keep leveling up. Don’t get in your head, and if you feel yourself freaking out, let me know. I used to be angry at the world, and it just ain’t worth it.”

Butterflies exploded in my gut. Our home game was in a week, and if someone from the Acorns was here… I never let myself dream or hope of a future playing with Theo again, but I fucking wanted it. I missed my sister and holy shit.

“Remove distractions and let yourself be the guy you are.” Someone called J.D.’s name, and he held up a finger toward them. “I’m gonna nag you all season about this, so mentally prepare yourself.”

“Great.” I smiled though. “Can’t wait.”

“See you tomorrow.” He hit my back again and took off to speak to Tyler, leaving me with my mind racing.

Okay, I wanted it all. I had to remove distractions and focus on the game. I couldn’t fuck this up. I really couldn’t.

I thought about cancelling the intake appointment, rescheduling it for later, and using the afternoon to watch film of our opponent from Indiana. I could study their offense and their movements, but my stomach clenched. No. Dealing with my mom and guilt would take a huge distraction off the table.

What about Logan?

My conscience was a real bitch. Logan was perfect for me, yet…she took up a lot of my thoughts. I could be using our time together to watch films and study the past signings for the Acorns, see who they picked and for what reasons. They liked Theo for his leadership and attitude. I didn’t have anything that stood out in that front, but I could, probably.

I made my way to the intake appointment, self-conscious of everyone walking out in the hallway. I didn’t care what people thought of me, but it was still weird to feel so exposed. Audrey would tell me that mental health should be essential and everyone’s priority, but that didn’t help the unease of making eye contact with someone.

My phone buzzed as I waited to be called back to the room, and I smiled.

Logan: I made a new playlist called Ho for Hockey.

She had no idea I’d set up this appointment, but her timing was great. I needed the laugh.

Quentin: Clever.

Logan: Are you around?

Quentin: I’ll be home in an hour.

Logan: Okay! Are we hanging out tonight? We didn’t really talk about it.

I hesitated. I wanted to do nothing else but hang out with her, but J.D.’s comment about removing distractions played like a Jumbotron in my mind. If I wasn’t with Logan, I’d research. Plus, what if the intake went terribly and I wanted to avoid her?

Quentin: Maybe not tonight.

Logan: Okay. I hope you had a great practice!

Fuck. I could almost feel her disappointment through the text. I was an asshole, but I’d told her upfront that this would end when the season started. I could study film tonight and then have one final date night with her tomorrow. Yeah. It could be our goodbye dinner… I could tell her the truth about the scouts and my future. How I was terrified of failing on the ice, that I didn’t want to resent her if failed. I had nothing to offer without hockey, it was legit all who I was. I’d proven how I wasn’t a great guy so without a future, without hockey, what could I bring to a relationship?

And while she made me a better person, I couldn’t take the chance with her. I was scared.

She’d support me because that’s who she was. My hope was that we could remain friends.

Liar.

The truth was, I wished she’d wait for me. Once I knew I had a future to offer, that I made it to the NHL and all the pain and heartbreak was worth it, I’d want to be with her for real. We’d never have to worry about money or me turning into some version of my mom. I rubbed my temples, my chest aching with the weight of the wrong decision. It was smart to pick hockey over love. All the greats did it. Probably. There was no success without sacrifice.

I didn’t have time to tell my conscience to shut up before someone called me back, and I walked into my first therapy appointment.

It was a raw kind of pain to expose yourself to someone, let them see your fears and weaknesses, and trust them to guide you. Fuck me, that was hard. The questions were basic and general get-to-know-you ones, but my head was in a weird space when I entered the house. It smelled familiar, like cleaning supplies and the candles that Jordan always lit.

I felt different though, like an open chest wound oozed out my issues. It brought my fears to the forefront and insecurities on the stage.

“Hey, broski.” Preston walked through the hallway, shirtless, carrying a controller and a pillow. “Wanna game with us? Tyler stopped by too.”

“What are you playing?”

“Racing. We’re having a tournament. Might have some of the younger guys over too. Should ask the girls first though. Oi, Dan and Log.”

“What, you animal?” Jordan walked out of the kitchen with cutoff shorts and half a shirt. My gaze swept the room for Logan, like it always did.

“Can a handful of hockey guys come over tonight to game? I’ll clean up.”

“Of course you’ll clean up. How many are we talking?”

“Ten?”

“Let me ask Logan. Parties aren’t really her thing.”

“Ain’t a party, but of course. If she’s not okay with it, we can take it somewhere else.”

Jordan went back into the kitchen, and I wanted to see Logan for myself. Reassure her that us not hanging out was due to my own shit, not hers. I leaned against the doorway, taking my time admiring her black cutoff jean shorts that hardly covered her ass. She wore a bright pink tank top that showed her midriff, and her hair was in cute buns.

She was so sexy.

“Hey, Preston wants to invite some of the hockey bros over for game night. He’s thinking ten, but we both know we said no parties. Entirely up to you.” Jordan leaned her elbows on the counter, studying me with narrowed eyes as I watched them. “You creeping or what?”

“Not creeping.” I almost laughed, and Logan spun around, knife in one hand and a potato in the other.

“Hi,” she said, her lips curving up as she waved the knife at me. “Oh god, that was threatening. Not threatening you, just saying hi.”

She was so fucking cute. “Hi,” I said, unable to stop myself from grinning. “Are you cooking?”

“Yes. Jordan is now my sues chef.”

“Sous-chef, Log. Not sues.” Jordan leaned into her and giggled. “I know you learned all these words from reading, but you are so phonetically challenged it’s adorable.”

“I’ll never live down archived.”

“Or epitome or decorative, you beautiful angel. But what should I tell Preston?”

“The first game is a week away, yeah?” Logan asked, a slight lilt to her voice. “It’s probably good if they bond before it starts. Sure. I’m good with it.”

“No one will bother you,” I said, hating how the brown hue of her eyes seemed darker, less happy. “I promise.”

“Well, thanks.” She chewed her lip, staring at me with a hesitation that wasn’t there before. “Are you hanging with them?”

“I wasn’t going to but probably should.”

“Oh. What were you—never mind.” She waved the knife in the air again, dismissing her own thought. “I need to stop waving the knife!”

“Pay attention to our homemade fries!” Jordan shouted.

“I’m trying!”

I wanted to know what Logan was going to say. I wanted her to ask me to hang out again, or to kiss me or run up to me. Fuck. I scrubbed my hand over my face, my thoughts all over the place.

I wanted her but didn’t deserve her. I couldn’t sacrifice my only future for a shot at happiness. I pushed off the doorframe and went to my room, just as my mom’s name popped up on my phone.

Is this a fucking joke?

Why were the people who distracted me the most making this so hard?

“Hello?” I answered, gripping the phone like it was a bomb about to explode.

“Hi, Quentin.” She sounded somber and quiet. “How are you?”

“Why are you calling me? You don’t do this.” My hackles were raised. Maybe she needed money or was in trouble.

“I was hoping we could meet for coffee soon. My treat.”

“Why? The last few times we met weren’t great for me. I don’t have time to deal with your bullshit right now, and I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” The leftover anger from the therapy session resurfaced. She was the catalyst for my issues when she chose to be a shit mom.

“Audrey called me.”

I almost dropped the phone. “Wh-what?”

“It’s been over a year, and she called me to rip into me about you. Told me that I’d fucked up with her too much to repair anything, but I still had time with you if I changed. I…I don’t want to lose you, Quentin.”

I plopped down onto the bed, overwhelmed and panicking. I couldn’t believe my sister had broken her silence and spoken to our mom. And did it on my behalf. Audrey was the best, but I couldn’t imagine how stressful that had been for her. This was what I wanted—my mom to actually try to change.

“I don’t like who you’ve become and who I am around you. I’m not cutting you off yet, but I’m close.”

“What can I do? I’ll do anything.” Her voice broke.

“Go to therapy,” I said the words, blurting them out in one breath. “Be a better human. Make up with Audrey. You were so cruel to her that I don’t know if you’re worth having a relationship with. I don’t have time for your drama or games right now. The season is about to start, and I need to focus on playing hard.”

“Wh-what are you saying?”

“When the season is done, we can talk and see if it’s worth having a relationship anymore.”

“But—”

“This is my only offer, Mom. I loved the mom you were growing up, and that’s the only reason I’m considering this. You’re not that warm or kind person anymore. You pitted me against Audrey, who’s done nothing but care for me. We all grieved Dad dying, okay? It wasn’t just a you problem. So work on yourself, truly, and maybe we can repair our family.”

“Okay.” She sniffed. “After the season, we’ll meet.”

“Yup. So please, don’t call me, don’t find me. Give me this space.” Damn, my own voice sounded gruff and achy.

“Goo-good luck this season.”

“Thanks. Get help, Mom. That’s all I’m asking. Now, I gotta go.” I hung up.

My temples pounded, and unease churned in my gut. Was that the wrong choice? Was I a terrible human? No.

I wasn’t. I’d made terrible choices, sure, we all had at some points, but removing the person who caused me the most stress in my life did not make me terrible. A weight slowly lifted off my chest, off my shoulders, and I sat up.

No more tension and worry every time I saw her name on my phone. No more hearing insults about people I cared about. I felt free, something I hadn’t felt in a while. I hoped she worked on herself, but if she didn’t, at least my life would be less complicated.

I wanted to tell Logan everything. She’d reassure me and be so proud. I bolted up and marched down the stairs. It was chaos. The guys were here, some in the hallway, some in the kitchen. Laughter surrounded the bottom floor, most from the guys, a little from Logan and Jordan.

Tyler chuckled loud and nudged Logan in the side as she cooked, but as she looked up and met my eyes, I blurted out, “Can we talk later?”

She blinked, the smile fading from her face, but she nodded. “Of course.” Then she focused on the food and speaking with Tyler. Her shoulders tensed, and I hated that I’d caused her stress.

I paused, wanting to explain that it wasn’t a bad talk, but the doorbell rang. I stood closest to the door, so I opened it, expecting it to be another guy from the team, but it was Gage.

Gage who held flowers.