Page 18

18

QUENTIN

O ne thing I had grown better at in the last year was channeling my rage in productive ways. Instead of lashing out at people I cared about, I’d use it to work out or run. I couldn’t do either trapped in Gage’s fucking car with Logan clinging to me as she sniffed tears away every few seconds.

The dinner had been a shit show.

Gage was too close.

She’d touched him, and I really didn’t like that.

Her sister wasn’t well, and Theo might’ve reassured her, but I knew damn well if Audrey was in the hospital I’d be freaking the hell out. “We’re almost there,” I said, pushing Logan’s beautiful hair behind her ears.

She was a walking wet dream tonight, and if it weren’t for the undercurrent of fury and worry, I’d admire the way her silky dress felt against me. “I can see if they have any shops open to buy you a shirt.”

“I have an extra one in the back she can use.”

I gritted my teeth together. The thought of her wearing Gage’s clothes made my muscles clench.

“Thank you. C-can I borrow it and give it back to you?” she asked, her small, fragile voice breaking my goddamn heart.

“Of course, Logan.” Gage sighed and adjusted his grip on the wheel. “This might not be the best moment, but I’m always going to love you. Whatever you need, let me know.”

She sniffed again, and I sure as shit hoped it wasn’t over his weak declaration of love. She deserved more.

“Thank you for driving us, Gage. I know this is weird.”

“Again, whatever you need. Wish it was just you and me?—”

“Don’t do this now,” I interrupted, an edge to my voice. “Don’t make it about you.”

He flinched and nodded, a small blush covering his cheeks. Good. About time that immature boy felt stupid.

“Of course, duh. Sorry. Fuck.”

Logan frowned at him, but I didn’t feel an ounce of pity for the asshole, which was real hypocritical of me. People made mistakes. Hell, I made a ton of them, and people still cared for me. I didn’t get why, but maybe I should be kinder to him. Maybe Logan did love him and wanted another chance.

My stomach seized at the thought. No, she made her choice clear. She was done with him, and he wouldn’t take the hint. Just like she sensed my unease at dinner, Logan slipped her hand into mine and gripped it.

This damn girl. She was a gift.

“Here, I’ll pull up to the entrance, and you can get out. I’ll grab the shirt for you. Honestly, just keep it.”

I helped Logan out of the truck and held her waist as we stood on the sidewalk. In the lights from the hospital, I could see the evidence of her crying. Makeup dripped around her eyes and cheeks, and she absentmindedly wiped at it. “Here,” I said, using my thumbs to swipe under her eyes and clear the mess. “There you go.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, her brown eyes watering all over again. She swallowed hard, her throat bobbing as her gaze moved from my eyes to my mouth. “For everything.”

I didn’t get to respond to her before Gage neared us, a black shirt in his hand. He cleared his throat, causing Logan to look at him.

“This’ll help.” He half-smiled at Logan. “Can you please tell me how she’s doing?”

“I will, yeah. Hey, this is your favorite shirt.” Logan frowned at the front of the T-shirt, a question in her voice. “I can’t have this.”

“Yes, you can, Logan.”

“This is your lucky shirt you wear before games.” She shook her head. “You always wear this.”

“You need it more now.” Gage shoved his hands in his pockets, grimacing. “Keep it. Go see her.”

Logan nodded before putting Gage’s shirt over her dress. Then, without a word, she ran inside, leaving me to follow her. I glanced back at Gage and lifted a hand. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Take care of her, man.”

I didn’t acknowledge the stupid-ass comment because that’s exactly what I was doing. I undid the tie as I caught up to Logan, who asked the security guy where the incoming children would be. He directed us to the third floor, and Logan headed toward the elevators.

It was wild how smells of hospitals were all the same. The clean, medicinal combination reminded me of losing our dad and the devastation that followed. I couldn’t focus on that. I had to be there for Logan, so I shoved the memories and stress to the back of my mind to unpack…never.

“Come on, come on.” Logan stared at her phone. “My dad said they are in the room and she’s awake.”

“That’s good news.” I glared at the shirt, already imagining cutting it off her once she was ready to leave. “I bet she’ll be so happy to see her big sister.”

Logan’s watery gaze met mine as the elevator doors opened. “I haven’t seen a lot of her because of classes and my internship. I’ve been a terrible sister.”

“No, you’ve been adjusting to new stage of life. You call your parents, yeah?”

“I could go home more, I don’t know, find more time.” She sniffed as she stepped out. “I feel guilty and worried right now.”

“Don’t show her that, okay? Be the sister she needs, and I can take care of you when those feelings bubble up. Trust me, I know the feeling.”

Her face twisted in question, but she didn’t ask. I would’ve told her the truth, but like me, she was focused on her sister right now. It didn’t take long to find her sister’s room, and Logan burst in.

I paused, unsure if I should follow or wait in the hallway. I didn’t get a chance to make up my mind before she grabbed my hand. Her parents sat in chairs next to a little girl, all three of them holding hands.

“Lolo!” Carly Jean said, her face lighting up. “You came to see me?”

“I sure did!” Logan released her grip on me and kneeled at the edge of the bed. “Heard you had a big ride in an ambulance. That’s wild!”

“It was! We had sirens, didn’t we, Mom?”

Her mom sighed and nodded, looking exhausted. I didn’t blame her.

“It was eventful, but we’re glad Carly Jean is okay. Thank you for coming, sweetheart.” Her mom stood and pulled Logan into a hug. “This means so much.”

“Of course I would,” she responded, her voice muffled from her mom’s embrace. It was fucking cool to see her parents hug her with so much feeling and genuine love. There was no world I could picture Audrey and I hugging our mom like that.

My family had lost its love after my dad passed, where this family was bursting with it. Em and I joined for dinner once and it was the complete opposite of my life the last few years. All inside jokes and welcoming smiles.

“Thank you,” her mom said to me, her arms moving to pull me into a hug. “I don’t know you, but you both look way too nice and were probably on a date, and you came here with her.”

“I’d never let her do this alone,” I said, stiffening when her mom squeezed me. My breath left my lungs as I patted her back. “You’re welcome though. I’m glad Carly Jean is feeling okay.”

“You’re one of the roommates, aren’t ya?” Her dad stood and held out his hand. I shook it with a nod.

“This is Quentin. Everyone settle down.” Logan moved onto the bed and pulled her sister into her arms. “Oh, you smell like cookies! Did you sneak more after dinner?”

“Maybe.” Carly jean giggled, and it was like the tension in the room disappeared. Even my own muscles relaxed. “You look so pretty, Lolo. I love your hair.”

“Thank you! Jordan did it for me. Quentin and I were out to dinner.”

“Did you get to eat?” her dad asked, staring at me. “Or did you rush out?”

“We rushed out.” Logan waved her hand. “But we’re okay.”

“Nonsense. Your mom and I will grab a few things from the vending machines for both of you. Give us a few minutes.” Her dad patted my shoulder, his eyes intense as he said, “Thank you for taking care of our girl.”

I nodded, unsure what to say. I wasn’t the one to drive her or feed her. Hell, I’d done the bare minimum really.

“Good man.” Her mom patted my shoulder too as they exited the room, leaving Logan, Carly Jean and me alone.

“Mom said I can watch Misses Halloween when we get home. How cool is that?”

“Oh really?” Logan grinned and held her sister’s hand. “What is that?”

“Jack Skeleton? The Boogie man? Come on, Lolo. The movie!”

“Nightmare before Christmas?” I said, unable to stop my grin. “Is that what you mean?”

“Yes! It’s my favorite movie and not too scary because Jack is a good guy.”

“I don’t know if I agree with that,” Logan said, meeting my eyes and laughing. I hadn’t seen her smile in a while, and it was dorky to miss it. But seeing the joy back on her face eased the pang in my chest.

“It’s a little scary for a five-year-old.”

“Nope. I’m not scared of anything in the whole world. Ask Aubriella at school. She knows I’m brave.”

“You are the bravest girl I know,” Logan said softly. “Are you still feeling brave right now?”

Carly Jean nodded. “Yup. Even though Mom and Dad are scared. I can tell.”

“Too smart for your own good, CJ. You’re a rascal.”

Carly Jean giggled and snuggled her sister, the two of them absolutely adorable. I could see parts of Logan in Carly Jean, with the blonde hair and large brown eyes. Watching Logan care for Carly Jean made me think of Audrey.

She’d taken care of me for years, shielded me from bad shit, and I’d taken it for granted. The familiar self-pity arrived, and I welcomed it. Maybe it was being in the hospital and all the bad memories flooding me, but the reality that I was a shit person returned full force. It was hard not to be kind to myself when I was surrounded with good people who would never act how I did. Being in the hospital, with the smells and memories… moments of the past came at me fast. How I’d avoided my dad as he died. How I was mad at my sister for making me miss hockey to come visit him. My throat ached with the reminders.

“Quentin, favorite Halloween costume you’ve ever been, go!” Logan said, excitement dripping off her. “CJ wants to be a pinecone.”

“It would be so cool!”

“Why a pinecone?” I asked, pausing my mental breakdown until later. I could focus on her sister.

“Uh, because it’s cool? I can spin around like the leaf things that come out of them. Everyone loves pinecones. Ellis at school has like a million billion in his bag.” Carly Jean laughed before a yawn took over. “What are you going to be, Lolo?”

“What do you think I should be?”

“A tree. You’d make a great tree.” Carly Jean yawned again and cuddled up against Logan. “I’m tired.”

“Close your eyes, rascal. Your little body needs rest.” Logan jutted her chin toward the empty chair next to her, and my feet moved there before I could stop myself. “Tell me your best costume. That wasn’t polite talk—I actually want to know.”

“Why?” I sat down and sighed, absolutely confused as to why Logan even wanted to speak to me. Audrey told me that when I felt like this I needed to write it out or call someone, but now wasn’t exactly the right time for either option. My pulse raced, and sweat beaded on my forehead. I wiped it away, digging my fingers into my scalp as the anxiety built.

“Because I can just picture you being a Shrek or Donkey one year.” Her eyes widened. “Oh my god, do you want to go as Shrek and Donkey?”

“Halloween is a ways away, Log.” I ran a hand through my hair. The season would start before then, and our fling would be over. It filled me with a deep, gutting sadness imagining not doing this with her, but not making it to the NHL would hurt worse. I’d have to figure out another path forward, find a way to earn money. God, I never wanted to ask Audrey or my mom for a thing but without hockey, I might be forced to.

Logan and I couldn’t be together, and it was better for her to remember that.

“Sure, but not in the eyes of a five-year-old. Halloween is the event of the year. You gotta plan ahead for it.” Logan kissed her sister’s head and smiled. “I’m so happy she’s okay. I feel like I could fly.”

“I’m glad too.”

“So are you in for costumes or should I keep brainstorming?” She scrunched her nose and smacked her forehead. “I’d need to ask Jordan too. I know she’s in on the costume game. We could start the night at my parents to help out and see Carly Jean, then if we had a themed costume, we could go to a party!”

“We won’t be together then,” I said, like a fool. “I can’t do that with you.” I had to say it though. I didn’t want her getting all excited about something and being let down. It was easier to get the truth out now. Even though we’d be friends, hockey would take the focus, and I didn’t want her hoping for more, only to be hurt.

Logan’s brows pinched together until her blush exploded down her cheeks. “Oh.”

“The season starts end of September.” I dug my fingers into the armrests of the chair, ignoring my racing pulse. “We won’t be doing anything like this then.”

“Does that mean we aren’t friends at all then? Like, we stop…speaking?” Her bottom lip stuck out in a cute little pout, and I felt like a monster.

“Of course we’ll be friends.” I couldn’t imagine not wanting to be a part of Logan’s life, cheering her on and hearing about the things she accomplished. Yet it had to be clear: I couldn’t be more than friends or a housemate. After seeing my mom tonight, I was determined to make it on my own without the help of Gage’s dad, and that meant absolutely all my time had to be spent on hockey. Getting better, more film, more training, less free time. Instead of cooking with her, I’d watch tapes. Instead of going on dates, I’d get extra reps in. I never wanted to use my mom and Gage’s dad for help, and that meant doing this alone—which meant less time with Logan. Even if it killed me.

“Then why wouldn’t we hang out on Halloween?”

Because you should be with someone else.

You should be happy and dating a normal person.

“Spending time with your family is too intimate for me.” There. That would get the point across without betraying my inner demons. I eyed my watch just as her parents returned with two bottles of water and chips and sandwiches.

“I hope this works, kids. It was all we could find since the café shut down a bit ago.”

“Thanks, Mom. Quentin was about to head out, actually, so I can take his.” Logan didn’t look at me at all.

My stomach bottomed out.

“I don’t have to leave. I can make sure you get back okay,” I said, confused and unsettled as to why she wanted me to leave.

“No, its fine. I’m going back with my parents tonight.” She gave me a tight smile, but it was totally fake.

I knew her real joy, and this was for show. “Wait, Logan, is this because?—”

“Go home, Quentin, I’ll be okay. I’m with my family.”

Indecision caused my chest to itch. I wanted to stay with her, make sure she was okay, that she ate, but the hurt on her face and in her voice was my fault. All because I said I wouldn’t dress in costumes with her. I said it to stop any hope that I could be more to her, and it backfired.

I was a fucking idiot. Between the shit show of my mom at dinner and the memories of the hospital and losing my dad… my mind was a wreck.

“Right.” I stood, the chair scratching against the floor and drawing a lot of attention to me. Carly Jean didn’t wake up, thank god, but shame heated my ears. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Sure,” Logan said in the same clipped tone I’d heard her use on other people, never me.

“Thank you for taking care of our daughter.” Her dad held out his hand. “And bringing her here.”

“Gage actually drove us.”

Fuck.

I’d messed up. Badly. I waved goodbye to her mom and jogged out of the room, unsure how to get back to the house or what to do now that Logan was mad at me. I didn’t plan to spend the night alone, without her nearby. Gripping my hair, I pulled until it stung as I made my way outside.

I had to figure out how to fix this because if I only had Logan for a few more weeks, then I wanted to spend every second with her.