Page 12

12

QUENTIN

I was an asshole . Goddamn it!

I gripped the sides of the sink in the dingy bar bathroom, staring at myself in the cracked mirror. Why had I fucking kissed her? It wasn’t to make our message clear to Gage, since he understood it quite clearly without the kiss.

I did it because I wanted to, no needed to. We’d never agreed to that. We’d never discussed it, and sure, we had chemistry but actually making a move on her, crossing that line? I was the worst.

She tasted like peach and vanilla, her pillow lips soft and full and delicious. I could spend an hour just kissing her, learning how she preferred it and what she tasted like. Would she blush? Would she let out the little moan she did when she liked something?

Logan’s heart needed to heal, and I wasn’t the guy for her. We both knew that. Even though her compliment warmed my soul, that I was a good person, it wasn’t true. Would a good guy kiss her like that?

And then run away?

Fuck.

She was probably pissed as hell right now. Or worried.

That kicked my ass into gear. I didn’t want her worried or scared—plus, with Gage around? What was I thinking? I washed my hands and ran back out, weaving my way through the crowd and trying to spot her long blonde hair. She wasn’t at the bar. Our unfinished beers and bingo cards were though. I grabbed the cards and shoved them into my pocket, a trickle of fear taking over.

Had Gage taken her?

How long had I been in the bathroom?

I was a tall dude and could see most of the bar, but there was no sign of her anywhere. Gage was with his buddies on the other side, looking sullen, but at least she wasn’t there with him.

I pulled out my phone, ignoring yet another text form my mom asking to meet, and desperately texted Logan.

Quentin: where are you?

No response. That was something that impressed me about her. She was rarely on her phone like most of us. She lived in the moment, so her not answering wasn’t a surprise. Maybe we should share locations, just while we pretended, so I didn’t freak out again.

Quentin: I’m fucking worried. Please tell me where you went.

I scanned the bar again, no sign of her. Maybe she went to the bathroom? I pushed my way back toward the farthest hallway. It was darker here, more isolated from the others. There was a short line for the girl’s bathroom, and I waited a torturous thirty seconds before the door opened and someone else walked out.

Where the fuck was Logan?

I barged to the front of the bar, probably pissing people off as I shoved them to the side. It wasn’t that Logan couldn’t take care of herself, but it was that she shouldn’t have been alone at a bar, where people were drunk and stupid. “Did you see a blonde girl in braids leave?” I asked, not caring that I interrupted the bartender mid-conversation.

He scoffed. “Dude, I don’t know.”

“Thanks for nothing,” I ground out, running onto the sidewalk and glancing back and forth. It was on my second take that I found her.

Logan sat on a bench, her legs pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her knees. Her lips were turned down, and her eyes were wider than normal. Like she was scared.

I felt like the worst person on the planet, even as relief spread through me. I took my first deep breath in the last five minutes and ran toward her. “Logan!”

Shock covered her face as I approached her, like she was surprised to see me. Did she think I’d fucking left her?

“Oh, hi.” She tightened her grip on her knees.

“Why the fuck did you leave?” I asked, my anger at myself coming out at her.

I dropped to my knees on the cement, not caring that it hurt like a bitch. I covered her knees with my hands and closed my eyes. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“You left me at the bar. What was I supposed to do?”

“I went to the bathroom, Logan,” I said, staring at her. “I went to the fucking bathroom for five minutes.”

“I thought you left,” she said, almost quiet enough for me to not hear her.

“You thought I’d leave the bar without you?” I asked, my voice an octave higher. “I would never do that.”

Her lip trembled, and that gutted me.

“Baby, look, I’m sorry. I’m fucking this up.” I pushed up and pinched the bridge of my nose, my entire body aching with frustration. The word baby slipped out, but she gave no reaction to it. “Let me walk you back.”

“Oh, okay.”

So much disappointment sounded in her voice that I couldn’t even glance at her. I waited for her to get up before I took off walking. I made sure my stride matched hers, but I was a mess inside.

I’d kissed her, then stormed off. She thought I’d left her at the bar. Then I made her cry. No part of this was good, and it was all my fault. This back and forth was exactly why I couldn’t date for real. I was shit at it. I shoved my hands in my pockets, forming fists and clenching every few seconds. I’d drop her off safely, then go for a long walk to burn through this horrible feeling.

I was used to disappointing people but never Logan. I never wanted to hurt her. Not when she viewed me in a decent light. Not when her smiles felt like the sun after a storm.

“Hey, can you slow down?”

“Of course, I’m sorry.” I cringed. I couldn’t even walk slow enough for her.

“No, like, stop walking.”

“Are you hurt?” I scanned her, not focusing on the curves of her body or the skin showing. “Did you step on something?”

“No, I’m physically fine.” She crossed her arms, but I refused to meet her probing gaze.

I didn’t want to hear how I hurt her. It would gut me. She was the one shining light in my life, someone who saw me for good, and I’d ruined it. Staring at a point over her shoulder, I asked, “What’s wrong then?”

“Why won’t you look at me?”

I met her gaze, bracing myself for her to look at me with disgust. But her eyes were soft, worried. Her lips were turned down, and her head tilted to the side. It was almost concern on her face. “I’m looking at you.”

“Can we please talk about what just happened? My stomach is in knots, and I might throw up. I-I don’t know what I did to upset you. I just… Gage left me once when we fought. I thought… I thought you left me. I went outside to make a plan. But I’m worried I messed our friendship up, and I just—” she paused, and her eyes watered.

“Honey,” I said, swallowing the ball of emotion in my throat. I cupped her face and kissed her forehead before meeting her gaze. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing. It’s all me. I’m pissed at myself.”

“But, why?” She covered my hands with hers, her voice above a whisper. Neither one of us attempted to move away. I had a feeling she’d stop me if I tried.

“Look how upset you are. It’s gutting me. I’m the reason you’re almost in tears. You thought I’d actually leave you alone at a fucking bar.” I stepped away and lifted off my hat, running my fingers through my hair over and over.

“Is it…because we kissed?”

She sounded so broken, so upset, that I winced. “I shouldn’t have walked away after that.”

“You said you shouldn’t have done it then just…left.” She sniffed, and I about fell to my knees. I couldn’t be the reason Logan cried.

And yet, I was.

Fuck all the other noise, I needed to right this wrong, no matter what. I moved toward her, bending so we were face-to-face. “I don’t want to mess this friendship up, and I didn’t have permission. We never talked about if kissing was okay, and I didn’t think how it’d upset you or how it’d look to you if I walked away.”

“It was okay.” She ran a finger over her bottom lip, and it took all my effort not to watch the action. “The kiss, I mean. It was—I liked it. But when you said you shouldn’t have done that…”

“It had nothing to do with you. You’re perfect.” I smiled, hoping it helped. It felt a little forced, but the words were sincere. “It was because I felt like I crossed a line with you.”

She shook her head, her large brown eyes meeting mine. “I don’t like fighting with you,” she whispered. “It feels like we’re fighting.”

“We’re not fighting.” I cupped her chin gently. “I’m in my head and taking it out on you. I’m the asshole, here, not you. I’m sorry, Logan, truly.”

“It’s okay.”

“Also, hear me when I say this, okay?” I cleared my throat, her earlier words repeating in my brain. “I would never leave you. Not at a bar, a café, a restaurant. Even if I was pissed as hell at you, I’d never do that. I assumed you’d know or watched me head to the bathroom. I’m sorry Gage did that to you, but I’m not him, hon.”

“I know.” She placed her hand on my chest, her voice heavier, more serious. “You’re the complete opposite of him.”

The same magnetic pull I always felt around her tripled in size. I wanted to protect her, to make her laugh, to absolutely get rid of all the shit memories Gage had given her, where she thought someone would leave her at the bar. “Come on, we can have mush at home.”

“You owe me sprinkles this time.”

I took her hand off my chest and intertwined our fingers, the weight of the argument lessening with each step. This thing between us was complicated while also simple. She was easy to be around. Easy to chat with. Easy to trust.

Despite wanting more of her mouth, keeping distance from her was for the best. Kissing her more or crossing that line would only end in heartbreak. I couldn’t catch feelings, not with needing to have the best season of my life. Plus, she still had messed up feelings for another guy. That was a recipe for a disaster.

Knock, knock, knock.

Glancing at my clock, it was nine a.m. Friday morning. I had no reason to get up. I had an online class at eleven and would be at the rink all afternoon. So unless something had happened, no one should be knocking. I checked my phone, not finding anything of substance on there, before groaning.

“Hey, Quentin, it’s Logan.”

I sat up.

We’d stayed up until twelve, sitting in the kitchen and talking about nothing. It was wild how her rambling about her favorite TV shows and showing me her spreadsheets on them was fun. I even walked her to her bedroom to say goodnight. I didn’t touch her. We kinda made the rule not to touch inside the house, which annoyed me. I liked being able to touch her when we pretended in public.

I ran a hand through my hair, taking a quick drink of water to ensure my breath didn’t suck. “Morning,” I grumbled, smiling at seeing Logan first thing.

She wore an oversized shirt that said Books do it Better, and curls escaped her pony all around her face. Sunshine. Pure sunshine. Her gaze widened as she stared at my bare chest, then dragged her gaze toward my stomach. Her cheeks turned bright red, and I flexed. If she wanted to stare, I’d make it easier.

Her heated attention felt different, special, somehow. She wasn’t one to admire guys left and right, and to see her eye me this way filled me with a weird pride.

“Uh, I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, biting down on her bottom lip, almost like she was nervous. She swallowed hard before exhaling loud.

“Is it Gage?” I nudged the door open more and glanced down the hall, all before she could respond.

“No.” She snorted. “I appreciate the call to action though. It’s your sister and fiancé.”

“Audrey is here?” No fucking way. I grinned and picked a shirt up off the floor and shoved it on. “Is Theo here too?”

“If Theo is a very tall and handsome man, then yes.”

“Handsome?” I asked, slightly teasing but definitely annoyed. I went down the stairs two at a time and smiled as I saw Audrey and Theo standing in our living room. “What the hell are you two doing here?”

“Quentin!” Audrey ran to me, throwing her arms around me in a hug as I squeezed her back. My sister looked the same as always, reddish hair and green eyes and her hair pulled back. Only she seemed happier. “It’s so good to see you!”

“You too. This is a great surprise.” I pulled back and smiled down at her. “You look great.”

“You look sleepy.” She kept her arm around my waist for another hug before heading back to her fiancé. “Theo surprised me with a trip to visit his family, which meant we got to see you.”

“Quentin.” Theo approached me, his face set in hard lines. “I owe you.”

I frowned. “For?”

“Em. She told us what happened after I begged her to.” Theo’s jaw tightened, and a murderous, terrifying shadow loomed behind his eyes. The guy was generally upbeat and happy—which was annoying—but not on the ice and not when it came to his family.

“We’re so glad she has you here, Q.” Audrey sighed. “Theo planned to tell you that, but he’s been so moody since she shared what happened.”

“Who leaves their fucking girlfriend of three years alone, drunk outside? After sleeping with their roommate?” Theo cursed and paced the room. “I hate him. I always hated that little bitch.”

“I wasn’t a fan myself, but truly, it was no big deal to help her out. I’m glad she’s alright in her new dorm.”

A clang of metal came from the kitchen, the three of us glancing that direction. I moved first, immediately finding Logan standing with a cupcake tray and a frown. “All good in here?”

“We should make them muffins.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“They are guests, and it’s your family, Quentin. Your family. I need to make them something. Do they like desserts?”

She spoke way too fast and moved around, picking up utensils and pans. She didn’t know how to make muffins, but it was cute she wanted to.

“They don’t need food, Logan.”

“Yes, they do!” Her eyes were wide and her cheeks pink. Her hands moved in different directions, and that was when it hit me. She was nervous.

“Hey, hey, come here.” I held out my arm, and she set the pan down and fit under the crook of my arm like she belonged there. “They are so chill and laid-back. You have no reason to stress.”

“Well, I didn’t know how to?—”

“Okay, you must be Logan.” Audrey smiled at me, the same green eyes staring back at me. “You didn’t introduce yourself when you let us in, but you must be her. Em told us about you and how kind you were.”

“Em is sweet and trusted the wrong people. I’ve lived through that myself, so I saw myself in her. She’ll be okay. It’s a learning moment, even if it’s painful.”

“Thank you, both of you.” Theo held out his hand, and Logan shook it. “Em is special, and the thought of what could’ve happened eats at me.”

“Can’t worry about what-ifs too much. Cause then all you’re doing is worrying twice.” Logan shrugged out of my arm and went back to picking up utensils. “Are we thinking chocolate chip or blueberry? Actually, not sure we have either. Don’t even know why I offered.” She laughed awkwardly. “Mm, maybe toast?”

“Thank you, but we ate on the way here.” Audrey smiled at Logan, my sister’s gaze softening the longer she stared at my fake girlfriend. “Theo and I were going to stop by the rink, walk around a bit. Do you want to come with?”

Logan blinked, then looked at me. “Uh, I don’t know?”

“You're done with classes at four, right?” I asked, a plan already forming. After learning she hadn’t ice skated before, I knew what I had to do. “Meet us at the rink then.”

She swallowed, still clutching the muffin pan. “Why?”

“You’re learning how to skate.”