Page 38 of Two Guys One Puck (Gods Versus Monsters Hockey #2)

THIRTY-EIGHT

KTYTOR

M y hands are fucked, and I can’t play for shit. We lose our game. The Gods win theirs, so they are done for the weekend, and we have to play another game tomorrow. Coach is understandably irate and demands to know what happened to my hands.

I don’t have an excuse, so I shrug. “Didn’t I fight on the ice yesterday? Probably that.”

“The fuck? I don’t know. Go see the fucking trainer.”

“Sure thing. I go. I go.” I leave, going to the trainer just to not have to deal with anyone.

Happy follows, speaking as soon as we’re out of earshot. “You weren’t fighting? What are you talking about?”

“When all else fails, gaslight, gate keep, girl boss…or whatever you Americans say.” I grin.

“Are you okay? You didn’t come back last night.”

“What are you asking?”

Happy toes the ground. “And I might have went looking for you last night when you didn’t come back. I saw you with Seaborn.”

Shit.

“And?” What can I even say?

“Did you two fight?”

I breathe. He thinks we were fighting not fucking. Thank the gods. “You don’t have to worry about him.”

“Is that a good idea this close to playing them?”

“I fought with a wall. Not Seaborn.”

He smiles. “Oh, good. I was worried.”

“If my hands look like this and Seaborn is still able to play, we didn’t fight.”

Happy weighs that. “Okay, that’s fair. I’ve seen you fight.”

“I’ll play better tomorrow. Go get dinner.”

I go outside to smoke after seeing the trainer. He told me to alternate between heat and ice, which I’m already doing. Waste of time.

I walk around the corner, so no one notices me as they come out to the bus. Someone shoves out of a different set of doors further down, and I glance up only to meet Seaborn’s eyes.

He makes a sound in the back of his throat. “Whatever this is, I don’t fucking need it.”

I hold up my hands. “You found me. I was here first, Сонце.” I realize what I’ve said, but it’s too late.

Seaborn narrows his eyes. “I don’t have the energy to do this today, Ktytor…”

“Like I said, I’m just trying to smoke and have a minute of peace.”

“Fine.” He tries to go in the door he came out of, but it doesn’t open. He growls, hitting it, but then walks toward me, presumably to go in the main door, but he doesn’t look so good.

I step in his path. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what last night was, but you don’t have to do this.” But he doesn’t try to pass me.

“You played well today. Congratulations.”

“How are your hands?”

I hold my cigarette to my lips and shrug. “I didn’t score and we lost. That should tell you everything.”

“I figured. Can you close them?”

“A little. Tomorrow will be better.” My heart clenches. “Small talk sucks.”

“No kidding.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, but that’s not enough.” His words are like knives.

My brows pull. “Ще так не було, щоб н?як не було.”

“What does that mean?”

“Is something my dad used to say all the time. Is from a very old dark satirical comedy called The Good Soldier Svejk. Hard to translate, but it means something like: there was never nothing; there was always something. Life will always throw stones. There will never be a good time for this.” It’s not easy to say, and maybe he won’t listen, but I have to try.

“But all these things aren’t normal life shit. It’s life in the closet and long distance, and it’s fucking hard. This is not normal people life shit. How can we resolve any of it?” The light is gone from his eyes, and I hate having a part in that.

“I don’t have an answer for you, but I know no one makes me feel like you do. I don’t want that to stop.”

“I don’t want it to either.” He hangs his head, and it breaks me a little more.

“Being away from you sucks,” I admit. I’d allowed myself to get a taste of it, and now, I wanted the whole damn thing. But this kind of life wasn’t meant for me.

“No shit. But that didn’t stop you from freaking out and leaving.” Seaborn’s voice cracks. “You can’t just change your mind on a dime and expect me to keep up.”

“I’ve never changed my mind. I don’t know how to make any of it work. How can we have both? Everything you said was right, and seeing you with all those women just made me realize if I keep doing this, I’ll kill them.”

He laughs.

“Is no joke. I will put them in the ground. Probably alive, so they learn to not touch what is mine.”

“I kinda like jealous you. It’s hot.”

“Is not hot. What drugs you take?”

“It is hot. I’m not going to apologize for thinking so.” He crosses his arms.

“Now you’re not pissy, and my freak out is hot to you?” I can’t wrap my head around what he’s saying. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“No.”

“But I am jealous dick.” I don’t understand him. “How can you like this?”

“You don’t care about anything but hockey. Your jealousy shows you care about me.”

“So what? We just pretend we won’t be in different cities and always passing each other in the night.

Our lives are too complicated for it. Is the tradeoff.

We are selling our youths for a big paycheck, and it comes with a steep fucking price.

How could we ever have it? Not until one of us retires. ” My head is such a fucking war zone.

“I don’t have answers for you, and I’m not saying it’s going to be perfect, but it’s a fuck load better than the last couple of weeks.”

“Fuck you. Why do you have to make points?”

He grabs me by the shirt and slams me into the wall. I grunt, pulling his dress shirt out of his slacks, needing to feel his skin. He grinds against me like he’s never missed anything as much as the way our hips come together.

“We don’t have much time. I have a flight,” he says into my mouth but doesn’t stop kissing me.

“I know. Fuck you for leaving.”

“You better win tomorrow.”

I break the kiss with a questioning look. “Why?”

“Because if you lose, I don’t get to see you next weekend.”

“What, so I can beat your ass on the ice and then you can fuck me into the mattress?” I grab every part of him I can keep ahold of.

“No bet this time?” Seaborn breathes into my mouth.

“I’m selfish.”

He smiles against my mouth. “I like when you’re selfish.”

“You like me possessive too, like crazy person.”

“I like what I like, Ktytor.” His smile grows.

We deepen the kiss, lost to each other.

“Go before I let you fuck me in this alley.”

He groans but pulls back. “Call me later?”

“I will try if I don’t have my coach’s shoe up my ass.”