Page 26 of Two Guys One Puck (Gods Versus Monsters Hockey #2)

TWENTY-SIX

SEABORN

Ktytor: We don’t have to meet up tonight.

I frown at my phone and check the time. It’s only been an hour and a half. We said two.

Seaborn: What happened?

“Put your phone down.” One of the girls playfully grabs my arm.

I barely stop myself from telling her not to touch me.

Ktytor: Nothing at all. You just look like you’re pretty settled for the night. So I’ll leave you to it.

What the fuck?

How can he see me… My head snaps up, and I search the room. I don’t see him, but enough of his team is here, so he has to be. Dread fills my stomach like a lead ballon. I’m not doing anything wrong, but I want to be with him, not anyone else. I’ve been thinking about this night for weeks.

Before I overthink it, I’m on my feet and looking for him. Could he have left already? I don’t know his room number, so if he’s gone, I’m going to have a real hard time getting a hold of him.

I snarl, shoving through people looking for him before I allow myself to jump to the worst case. I don’t find him anywhere. I’m in the back corner of the bar, and I try one more play before I leave. I slip around the corner to the bathroom and almost run into him.

“What the fuck?” I growl, grabbing his shirt so he can’t run away.

“Do you need something?” His tone is cold.

“I think it’s pretty clear what I need.” I’m half hard just being near him, and I press it into his hip.

He nods towards where I was sitting. “You have a couple of women who are willing to help you out with that. I’m not needed.”

“That’s not who I want.” My chest is heaving, and I’m worried he’s going to see how fucked all this has me. He reads me too well and I’m too exposed.

“What do you want?” He looks over my shoulder, reminding me we’re out in the open.

“You.”

That gets a little bit of a smile out of him, but he quickly masks it. “I don’t need to be your backup when you can’t get laid.”

“I don’t need a backup, and I don’t have a problem getting laid. I told you, I want to spend the night with you.”

“You seemed pretty content.”

Something strikes me. “Do you want me to out us by not acting normal? Because the second I stop acting like myself, it’s going to be talked about.”

A wave of emotion washes over his face before finally landing on anger. “Are you trying to make me believe that if you’re not all over a couple of women they will know you’re with a man?”

“It’s not that. I’m normally flirty. I’ve already ditched enough nights out to have my teammates notice.” I tighten my grip on his shirt so I don’t let go and hit him.

“Whatever. Go back to it then.”

“You are so infuriating.”

“At least I don’t have someone with their hands all over me while texting you.”

What is he not seeing here? I’m putting it out here and telling him. He looks behind me again, and I half turn to see what he’s looking at. It’s just shadows of people walking past the hallway, but we are so exposed here.

I shove him backward, forcing him around the corner away from the bathrooms and prying eyes, near the stock room. I slam him into the wall and kiss him. He grabs my face, kissing me back just as roughly.

He grinds his hip against my dick while working his against my thigh. “I need you.”

“How?” I’m on the verge of taking him here. If he asked, I would. “Because I need to be inside you.”

“We need to leave. Now.” Ktytor grabs my cock through my jeans, making it all the more urgent, but he doesn’t stop kissing me.

I finally break the kiss to find an exit. There’s a back door, and I drag him out of it and pin him to the brick wall outside.

He squeezes my cock then shoves me off. “Get off me before we both come in our pants.”

We both take a second to right our clothing and make ourselves look less disheveled.

Then we sneak out through the alley so our teams don’t see us.

I pull my hood over my head, and he adjusts his hat.

We walk with our heads down the half mile to my hotel.

He waits outside while I walk in, following after five minutes.

I leave the door open with the latch and grab a water bottle to wait.

He walks in three minutes later, cocky as hell.

“You didn’t wait the full five minutes.” I take another sip of my water.

“Your team will be back from the bar at some point, and your roommate. I didn’t want to waste our time.” He grabs the water bottle out of my hand and puts it to his lips.

I put my finger under the bottle and tip it further as he drinks. The water spills out and down his chin, dripping down his neck. I groan.

He lifts a brow. “Is that all it takes?”

How do I tell him it’s just him who does this to me?

“I can’t help it. You’re hot.”

His dirty blond hair falls in his face as he lowers the bottle, then flings the remaining contents at me.

I close my eyes as the droplets hit, soaking my face and down the front of my shirt. “Bastard.” I barely get the word out, and he’s on me.

He takes his time stripping my wet shirt off me before taking off his own. I watch because I’ve found it gets me really hard, seeing him undressed. I’ve never met anyone who does this for me.

I leave DC feeling more unsettled than ever. If I could have stayed in his room, or him in mine the whole weekend I would have. But now that we’re apart I don’t know how to feel. Am I into men? Am I just into him? Am I bisexual or pansexual? What even is the difference.

I can’t get out of my fucking head and I don’t know what to do.

“I need to talk to you,” I say to Archangel on the plane ride home. He’s sitting next to me on the Gods’ private plane instead of Wolfe, who likes to sit in the back.

Archangel flicks his gaze over in my direction. “I figured after being out both nights. You didn’t even try to fake it the second one.”

“Since you already know…” I glance around to see who might be eavesdropping. Most of the guys have headphones on, and half of them are sleeping. Pretty normal after a long travel weekend. “I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m struggling.”

“With what?”

“Feeling this way.” I don’t want to say gay or straight on the plane. I know that will draw attention.

“You didn’t seem too bothered when your dick?—”

I cut him off. “Quiet! No shit. But when it isn’t involved, I…feel crazy.” I know how bad it sounds out loud, so I try to make it better. “I obviously don’t have an issue with gay people.”

Archangel rolls his eyes at that, and I shut my mouth before I make it worse.

“Good. I’m glad you know when to shut the fuck up.

” He gives me a tight smile, and I keep my mouth shut, letting him speak.

“I don’t think you’re not cool with us. We’ve been friends forever, and you live with me, but…

” He drops his voice. “This is internalized homophobia. It’s fine when it’s anyone but you. ”

I lean in so I can barely whisper, “If that is true, then why is he the only one I’ve been attracted to?”

He sighs. “You’re a victim of compulsory heterosexuality.”

“You need to explain that to me when we get home,” I say, not wanting to risk anything more.

“Believe me. I will.”

We get back to the city and the Sunday night traffic is bad so it takes forever to get back to our place.

I’m expecting Wolfe to be up our ass the second we get back, but he goes to his room and closes the door, saying he has a headache.

Archangel and I go to my room and sit on the bed together.

I put on a movie for background noise and pick up Venom.

She’s always needy when we’ve been away the whole weekend so she needs extra love.

She acts for a few minutes like she wants nothing to do with me but finally curls up in my lap.

“Okay. Compulsory heterosexuality,” Archangel begins.

“It’s what you and most everyone else is brainwashed to believe by society.

We are taught to want things like a wife, family, the nine to five every waking moment since birth, which coerces us to see every form of intimacy between men and women as romantic and sexual. ”

“Can you really be brainwashed into feelings? Like, it didn’t work on you.”

“People are conditioned to interpret all feelings toward the opposite sex as attraction and the same sex as friendship. But feelings are really more complicated than that. Are they hot, or do you just admire them? Men are expected to hide their feelings or not feel anything but pleasure and anger, so we stomp them down. So when you get the intimacy you’re craving, you think you’re attracted to that person, and in this society, we’re called gay if we get any of that from anyone but a woman.

But the deeper subtext is that we can feel a lot of feelings, including love for people we aren’t attracted to.

We also need more than one person to fill non-sexual intimacy and connection, which is why so many married people and single men are miserable, but that’s a whole other can of worms I’m not going to get into.

” Archangel rolls his eyes but goes on. “This is an institute imposed on us through media and heterosexual rhetoric our whole lives, and it’s easier to stay in if you’re bisexual or pansexual.

You don’t have to buck this system or ever explore more options because you fit into the mold.

It takes work to explore your feelings and emotions to figure out what they mean so a lot of people don’t.

It’s how people don’t figure out they are bi until they’re like forty and divorcing.

Gay people don’t have that luxury because I’ve known women do nothing for me since I was little, but you didn’t have to explore because you do partly fall into the box the patriarchy wants you in. ”

“Okay, I’m not saying you’re wrong, but then why is this the only time I’ve even been attracted to a guy?” I’m trying to make sense of it in my brain or even think of a time I felt the same, but I just can’t come up with one.

“Did you even know you were attracted to him before you were hitting each other and then making out?”

“Well…no.”

“So you might have confused a feeling for someone as something else, like rage? Or anger? Which are the only feelings that men are taught are acceptable.”

I scoff. “No, he definitely makes me want to rage.”

“But the rage turns you on.”

I cringe. “Ouch. Just call me out why don’t you.”

“Do you think that’s normal?”

I make a face but don’t refute it.

“Maybe you’ve ignored it other times because it was subtle, and this one you couldn’t.

Or it only happened because he actually got you to hit him.

Or you’re somewhere on the spectrum closer to straight.

Being bisexual doesn’t mean you’re equally attracted to all sexes—it’s a spectrum for a reason.

” He puts his arm around me. “And I’ve known you were at least a little gay since we started having cuddle parties to watch movies. ”

I lean into him and scoff. “A guy secure in his sexuality can do that.”

“Sure, but that’s not the box you fit into.”

“What about Wolfe? Don’t fucking tell me he’s straighter than I am. That might actually offend me.” I glare at him.

“Please, he’s not straight either.” He lays his head on my shoulder and seems a little sad.

“You two okay?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Archangel changes the subject before I can ask. “You going to keep seeing him?”

“I don’t know if I can stop.”I don’t want to stop, but I can’t say that part out loud yet.

“Do you think that’s a good idea? Not only are you both going to piss off your coaches, but you’re going to end up in different places. You’re both going to be in the first round of the draft. How do you think the pros would feel about you two in a relationship and playing against each other?”

I exhale. “I think we’ve proven fucking is not going to come before the game.”

He’s quiet for a long moment. “And what will that do to your relationship? You can’t keep up what you’ve been doing.”

“We’re just fucking. It’s not a relationship.”

“Okay.” His voice drips with sarcasm. “I don’t want you to get hurt. You know he’s kinda a dick.”

“I’m also kinda a dick.”

“I won’t argue that, but you’re my friend, so I have to be ride or die. And speaking of dicks…” He picks up his head to look at me.

My cheeks heat and I don’t make eye contact. “Don’t ask.”

“Come on. He’s hot, and apparently doesn’t sleep with anyone—I’ve asked around with the puck bunnies. They thought he was asexual. Their gossip threads are unhinged, and no one knows. I need the tea because I’m not getting laid, so let me live vicariously through you.”

“You can’t expect me to know what a good size is?—”

He cuts me off. “Don’t you fucking lie to me, boy. I know you’ve seen a ton of cock in locker rooms. At least enough to tell me if he’s above average.”

“Not hard.” Also not necessarily true.

“Ronan, give me at least average or…”

I’m getting even more heated thinking about it. I know he’s going to see it in my cheeks and I’m not going to be able to lie to him. “It’s above.”

He stares. “How much above?”

“Not as big as me, but thicker…” I shrug with a smile.

He slaps me playfully. “You asshole.”

“What did I do?”

“Got the un-getable, and he’s well endowed. Fuck’s sake. You’re both talented, too? Makes me sick.”

“Shut the fuck up. You can have anyone you want, and you know it.”I pet Venom, shocked he really doesn’t sleep with anyone. As hot and talented as he is I just assumed he was selective not celibate.

“I’m a picky bitch.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out, assuming it’s Ktytor, but it’s my aunt.

Aunt Emily: Can you come home?

Ice runs through my veins.

“Fuck.”

“What?” Archangel leans over trying to see my phone.

“My aunt just texted me. I’m assuming it’s something with my dad.”

“Fuck. Do you need a ride?”

I bite my cheek eyes tearing up. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not, my love.”