Page 36 of Two Guys One Puck (Gods Versus Monsters Hockey #2)

THIRTY-SIX

SEABORN

I ’ve kept Ktytor shut down since getting out of the box, and we score a goal with two minutes left. Coach Hawke calls a timeout, and I need the break. I’m feeling out of my fucking body, and as I sit on the bench, I realize my hands are shaking.

Their possible win is setting in, and I feel a little lightheaded.

I put my head in my hands.

Was Ktytor fucking right? Had I let everything come between me and the NHL? This all felt like fun, but now it’s real, and I’m losing on every fucking side.

I swallow and press my palm into my eyes, trying to get my heart to calm down, but the anxiety won’t stop. It eats at my throat. It’s just one goal. Our line can make it up. I can shut him down. I don’t know why I’m so worked up.

I take a few labored breaths.

“You okay?” Archangel asks, putting his hand on my shoulder, but his action draws Coach Hawkes’ attention.

“Fine. Perfectly fine,” I lie, avoiding Coach’s gaze.

“Is Ktytor getting to you?” Archangel tightens his grip on my shoulder. “Do you want me to take him for a bit?”

I shake my head. “I just need a minute to breathe.”

“You got about twenty seconds.”

I nod, focusing on slow, deep breaths, squeezing my eyes shut and my hands into fists. When we are called back, I’m on my feet, ignoring my racing heart.

Hawke stops me before I step out onto the ice. “You sure you can handle this? If you can’t, I’d much rather have someone on him who’s got his head in the game, even if they aren’t as good as you.”

“He’ll score on anyone else.”

“He’ll score on you if you need a break,” Coach Hawke says in his soft voice. Which means he’s fucking pissed.

I finally look him in the eyes. “I can handle it.”

I have to.

“Fine.”

We lose.

I toss my stuff into my bag, not even wanting to shower. I just want to sleep this off and forget about tonight and focus on the game tomorrow.

I turn around and almost run into Archangel. “Fuck. Will you warn a guy?”

“What was that?” he demands.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “That’s not my fault.”

“I never said it was. We win and lose as a team, but that second goal he scored?”

“He got to me. I don’t know.” What can I even say?

He narrows his eyes. “Is this about you two hooking up?”

I growl, looking around before I meet his gaze. “I’d never let that affect my game.”

“Is this about you not wanting to hurt him or something?” He pushes back, not letting it go. “Because if that’s the case, you have to let me take him if we play them in the playoffs.”

“I’m fine. I handled it.”

“You weren’t handling it. You seemed like you were freaking out during the time out.”

“Maybe I was. It almost felt like when I found out my dad was dying.”

His entire demeanor changes. “Did you have a panic attack?”

I lift my shoulders, picking up my phone to check for alerts. Nothing. “I don’t know what the fuck I had.”

“Did something happen between you two?”

“Kind of.”

Archangel crosses his arms.

“Don’t do that.” I turn around to change. “I can’t. Not here.”

Archangel drags me into the empty equipment room. “Fucking spill.”

I sigh and fill him in on what happened the night before. “I just need to go home and fucking sleep.”

“Maybe you should try fucking someone else to get over him.”

I press my eyes closed. “No. I don’t want to do that.”

“You have feelings for him, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I do.” I don’t make eye contact.

“You bitch.” Archangel laughs and I was not expecting it. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. He told me he’s fucking done. I can’t just force him.”

“I mean, you can, but consent is a thing, so probably not the best idea.”

I roll my eyes. “You think?”

He’s quiet for a moment. “Still not willing to fuck someone else?”

I shake my head.

He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Then you just have to deal with your feelings. It’s going to take time.”

“Fuck, why do people do this? It sucks.”

Archangel shrugs. “Love or something.”

“It’s way easier to just fuck people and not care.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Are you okay?” I ask because I haven’t checked in with him in a while. “I know you have a lot going on with Wolfe, too.”

He lifts his shoulders. “It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe next week.”

On a whim, I pull him into a hug. “I’m always here. Even if I’m dealing with other stuff. Okay?”

He hugs me back.

I finish packing up my stuff and am the last to walk out of the locker room.

I step outside and put my head down against the cold for the walk home.

Before I even know what’s happening I’m dragged into the alley and thrown into a wall.

I grab whoever it is to fight him off but realize it’s fucking Ktytor when his mouth crashes against mine.

He slams me into the brick wall, body meeting mine roughly. I should push him off, but I don’t. I grab his face, kissing him back. Our tongues twist, and this is everything I wanted last night. It would be so easy to drag him back to my place and fuck him into the mattress.

But I can’t let him win.

I shove him off.

He comes back at me and throws up a hand. “What’s your problem?”

“You.”

“I thought this is what you wanted? To keep fucking.” He doesn’t even know the half of it.

I turn, unable to face him while I speak. “I’m not just fucking you again for you to reject me.”