Page 31 of Two Guys One Puck (Gods Versus Monsters Hockey #2)

THIRTY-ONE

KTYTOR

“ F uck, Sleepy, you have to get open.” I’m frustrated. January is busy and we don’t see each other. The loneliness is getting to me even more, and it’s hard to get my head straight after spending so much time with Seaborn over break. Is this how our entire careers are going to be?

“It’s not that easy with Grum…Boondock up my ass,” Sleepy mutters.

Grumpy growls. “What did you just call me?”

“Nothing.” Sleepy skates backwards, holding his stick up between him and Grumpy.

“I heard—” Grumpy is cut off by Coach.

“What the fuck is going on?” Coach asks.

“Sleepy called me Grumpy!” Grumpy shouts, and I have to bite back a laugh.

Coach glances between those two like he doesn’t fully get it. “Let me get this straight, are you mad he’s calling you a name when you’re calling him a name?”

“Yes… No!” Grumpy seethes. “That’s his nickname. He goes by Sleepy, and I go by?—”

Coach holds up his hand. “Who gave you your nickname?”

Grumpy mutters, talking around the subject before finally answering, “I’m not really sure.”

“Who calls him Grumpy?” Coach glances around and no one raises their hand at first. “Come on. He’s not going to punish you. I don’t give a fuck if he’s the captain. I’ll make sure there’s no retaliation.”

Reluctantly, a few hands go up, mine being the first. Then more join us until the rest of the team has their hands up.

Grumpy starts to argue.

Coach isn’t hearing it. “You can’t bully the rest of the team into calling you some preferred nickname when you call them other shit.

The team thinks you’re Grumpy so that’s what you are.

That’s how hockey works. Wait…” he trails off then looks around.

“Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy? Why the fuck is your line the Seven Dwarfs?”

I can’t hold back the laughter anymore. “Is true, yes?”

Coach rolls his eyes. “Bashful.” He points his pen at a winger. “Dopey.” He moves to the goalie. “Sneezy?” He points at me. “You don’t sneeze…”

“No. The water boy is Sneezy. They call me K-Pop.”

“That doesn’t fucking work. How can you be a team if you’re not uniform?” Coach has a point. Kind of.

“We should just go back to our other nicknames,” Grumpy says crossing his arms.

“No. I’m voting. Your line is now the seven dwarfs line. So which are you, Ktytor—Doc or Snow White?”

“I’d prefer Doc?—”

“The puck is Doc,” Bashful cuts me off, totally screwing me. But it’s not his fault; he really doesn’t understand social cues.

“Snow White it is,” Coach says and cringes.

“I didn’t think it could get worse than K-Pop. Fuck my life.”I better never let Seaborn know, or I’ll never hear the end of it.

“You started this,” Grumpy tosses out, probably still annoyed his nickname stuck. “But just tell people it’s Snow because you’re from Siberia or some shit.”

“I’m not from Russia. Nice try.”

“Whatever you say, Snow baby.” He taps my helmet.

“This is not going to turn into a grumpy-sunshine romance, if that’s what you’re hoping.” I wink to really drive home my point.

Grumpy fake gags. “Don’t fucking start with me on that homo shit.”

“We’re all homo erotic. It’s fucking hockey.” I roll my eyes and look to Happy and Sleepy for support.

“He’s got a point,” Sleepy adds.

“Don’t be homophobic, Grumpy,” Happy says. “My brother is gay.”

“And I won’t be tolerating any of that shit,” Coach adds. I didn’t know he was even listening. “There are out guys in every level in sports now. You’re just being ignorant.”

Grumpy huffs, “Whatever” and skates off.

I’m still thinking about what Grumpy said the next day, sitting in the common room with Happy and Sleepy.

“Your brother is gay?” I finally ask.

“Yep.” He looks up from the YouTube he’s watching.

“You never told us.” I’m hoping it’s not because he thinks we’re going to be shit about it.

“I didn’t know if you’d be cool, and to be fair you don’t really talk about your family much either.” He shrugs.

“Yeah, you’re kind of quiet.” Sleepy adds from where he’s curled up on the sofa napping.

“Go back to sleep,” I say jokingly. “You’re right. I’m not used to opening up and having friends.” I know I need to do better about that. Even if Seaborn and I keep dating, the odds are we’ll end up on teams across the country from each other and I need friends.

“It only took you two and a half years to warm up to us!” Happy is delighted which I’m pretty sure is genuine. “I told you we could break him,” he says to Sleepy.

“I had my doubts but you were right.” Sleepy stretches like a cat.

“I think I’m gay,” I say on a whim, taking a bigger risk than is smart.

“Are you sure?” Happy asks, looking at me, visibly confused.He exchanges a glance with Sleepy.

“I’m sure.” I frown, still processing it some, but sure about the label. “Is that a problem?”

“Hell no. It’s all love here.”

“No issue.” Sleepy doesn’t even look up from his phone.

“Then why did you ask if I’m sure?” I’m confused.

Happy and Sleepy exchange another look.

“Just tell me.”

Sleepy puts his phone aside. “We kinda thought you were asexual.”

“Who?” I ask.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Happy says nicely scooting over next to me to wrap an arm around me.

I look at his arm then up at him.

“See. It’s stuff like that which led us to believe you don’t like to be touched.”

“Is just weird.” Am I that averse to touch? I guess I am.

“Were you not hugged as a child?” Happy asks.

“No one hugs children.” But I hear it as I say it. “I get it now.”

“So you can see where we’re coming from?” He releases me from the half hug and I kind of miss it.

This might be a bigger issue than I thought. Gross. I don’t want to deal with feelings and crap. “Who thought I was asexual?” I ask again, trying not to be a total dick.

“The whole team. You never look at anyone.” Sleepy sits up. “We don’t have an issue with it.”

“Yeah,” Happy adds. “No one is talking shit. We’d never let the boys do that.”

“I’m too busy to focus on sex.” I don’t need to explain myself, but for some reason, I do.

“That’s why we’re asking if you’re sure. It’s not really a too busy. It’s a need.”

“A release,” Happy agrees. “Part of the only way I’m not uptight!”

“Needs are stupid. I have goals.”

“See, that’s not how most people feel,” Happy says as nice as possible.

“Do you find other guys attractive?” Sleepy asks carefully.

Are they having like an intervention right now?

“I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.” I run it over in my mind. I’m definitely attracted to Ronan, but I’m not sure when that started.

“That doesn’t really sound like you’re gay if you don’t think about men.”

“I like one man.”

They both blink at me.

“I’m not telling you who. You will harass him,” I say before they do.

“But that’s a right of passage to date you.”

“I don’t know if we’re dating.” I realize Seaborn hadn’t answered my question about what this is. Was that on purpose?

“So you’re attracted to one guy? Was it after you got to know him? You might be gray or on the spectrum.” Happy seems like a kid at a candy store getting this insight into my brain.

“Is whatever. I like him.” I shrug, deciding to be unbothered by it. I’ll figure it out at some point. I don’t feel like I need to rush. “Has already happened. I’m putting it behind me.”

“Literally or figuratively?” Sleepy asks, seemingly unsure what I mean.

“Don’t confuse me with your language.” I wave him off. “I fucked a man. I’m into men.”

More stares and I wave them to ask what I know they will.

“Is this like a hook up situation or a relationship?” Happy speaks first.

“It has happened more than once so I’m sure.” I decided to tell them I’m into men after what Grumpy said, not who I’m fucking. That’s got to be worse than being gay in most hockey player’s minds and I’m not going there.

“So are you going to hook up with other people now?” Sleepy is really invested.

“Fuck no. Why would I subject myself to that? I don’t even like most people.” And I’m sure there is no one like him.

Happy shakes his head.

“Say what you will.” Might as well get this over with.

“No desire to?” Sleepy prompts.

“Are you a psych major? I have one to sleep with. Do I need more?”

“What if you two stopped speaking. Would you date other guys?” Sleepy asks clearly not dropping this one.

I don’t want to answer, but since I’m trying to make friends, I think about his question for a minute. “Not really, no. I think it would take a lot to entice me.”

Happy nods like his brain is working really hard through this one.

I feel a little bad. He’s so fun and cute, but he’s not the brightest bulb in the shed.

“I think you’re on the asexual spectrum,” Happy says carefully and holds up his hands before I can reply.

“Again, not meanly. We mean nothing bad by it.”

“We got your back a hundred percent,” Sleepy adds.

“I don’t want to think about it.” I miss Ronan and his bed. And his stupid face when he wakes up in the morning. “I’ve put my brain through enough.”

“Get skull fucked that bad?” Happy says through a laugh.

I blink. “That might be the most vulgar thing that’s ever come out of your mouth.”

“I think dirty thoughts too…sometimes.”

I pat him on the back. “I’m not sure I believe you, Happy.”

Happy huffs and crosses his arms. “I get laid more than you do!”

“I’m imagining is only in the dark and only in missionary. Nothing exciting,” I tease.

Sleepy bursts out laughing.

“Fuck off.” He gets avoidant, which just tells me I’ve hit the nail on the head.

“You’re mad because is true.” I laugh.

“Why’d you decide to tell us?” Sleepy asks after a pause.

“I told you. I want to know more about you two and share more. Isn’t that what friends do?” I shrug.

“You going to tell anyone else?”

“I don’t want to talk about this with the rest of the team.” I shake my head. “Is not worth the issue, and I have to think about the draft.”

They agree.

“You ready for our game tomorrow?” Happy changes the subject.

“Always. You know hockey always improves my mood.”

“Does your mood need improving?” Sleepy asks carefully.

“I’m fine.”

But I know I’m not? I miss him and his family really showed me what I don’t have.

I’m not close with anyone here and I’ve set myself up for this.

Let alone being apart from the guy I’m falling in love with.

I’ve been alone, away from my family, and it was fine.

I chose this and knew going into it that it would be lonely in this country that doesn’t understand me. I should be used to this.

Why did sleeping with Ronan make it so much worse? I ignored it so well before. I almost forgot about it, and now this? I hate it.

I mutter in my language a question to the old gods, asking them why they surround me with things determined to give me a headache.

“Oh no!”

I glance up. “What?”

“When you start muttering there’s never a good outcome. I should go find pastries!” Happy turns around frantically like he’s looking for something. “Where did Sleepy go?”

“Probably back to bed.” I grab his arm when he doesn’t calm down. “Take a breath. I’m not going to kill anyone yet.”

He gives me a suspicious look. “Promise? Coach will be real mad if you get arrested and aren’t at the game!”

“I promise. For now. I’m going to bed.”

True to their word the guys don’t treat me any differently the next day at our game, and no one is giving me weird looks so I don’t think they told anyone.

Seaborn: How’d your game go?

Ktytor: We won.

Seaborn: Amazing! Good job.

Ktytor: Did you have any doubt?

Seaborn: eye roll emoji.

Ktytor: How did your game go?

Seaborn: We won.

Ktytor: which means we’re both going to the Frozen Four.

Seaborn: How do you feel about that?

Ktytor: I’m not worried at all.

Seaborn: I can only roll my eyes so many times.

Ktytor: Are you worried, sweetheart?

Seaborn: It’s cute you think I’m worried. We’ve dominated you the last two games.

Ktytor: It won’t happen again.

Seaborn: It will and I’m going to fuck you after.

Ktytor: You can fuck me either way, baby doll.

Seaborn: Is this a trap? This feels like a trap.

Ktytor: Who knows? I guess we’ll see after I kick your ass.

I’m just happy to finally get to see him. Was it wrong to admit it to him? Maybe I should have just let it happen or not fought him. Would he not see me after the game if I won and pushed our bet?

At first, I did only bottomed because he won, but if I’m honest, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I fucking love him inside me.

But I won’t be telling him that.I don’t need more for him to hold over my head.