Page 47 of Trees Take the Long View

I took a deep, deep breath.Here goes nothing. "So, you're a troubleshooter. I need help to...well...find the guy he hurt, see if there's anything I can do to help. I can't really make up for my partner, but I should do something. Not just to assuage my guilt, but...if there's something I can do. Things shouldn't be that way. I wanted to be a good guy, and I wasn't. I need to...do something about that."

"That's...yes. I'll help," said Dean.

"Thanks." I leaned against him, and more words spilled out, here in the safety of the woodland, with my mate. I closed my eyes against the pain of it. But it was the truth. "A hundred years ago I wouldn't have had a voice. I'd be hiding so non-shifters wouldn't try to kill me. But I do have a voice today, even if it's only one a few people will hear. I testified and that didn't do anything. But I can't just...ignore it. Iknownow: it's not a secret. Sometimes the cops are the bad guys.

"I don't want to just look away and say it's not my problem. Talking to him, apologizing and asking what I can do...it's important. I know you can help me say what I mean and do what I can. Even though this isn't a simple troubleshooting problem, it's more...it's something big, we can't solve it with a little cleverness and a wolf's nose. But I've still got to try and do something, you know?"

He turned and embraced me, and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Of course. I'll do whatever I can to help. I suspect testifying did make a difference, even if not enough of one. And you walked away. That matters, and I know it wasn't easy."

"I couldn't stay. I just couldn't."

"We'll find a way to help, somehow. Changing things isn't about one or two big voices that say the right thing. It's about thousands and thousands of small voices who insist something unjust is wrong, and then act for justice in whatever ways they can."

"That's what I want to do. I know I can't save the world. But I don't want to be part of the problem anymore." I wanted to help: I didn't want to hurt people. And I wanted to say something when I could, for those who didn't have a voice right now.

His laugh was soft and gentle. "How about we both save the world...just a little bit? It's kind of our job."

"Okay." I hugged him back, gingerly, breathing carefully in hopes that I wouldn't start to cry. He just held me, and didn't say anything else for a while.

Around us the birds called and flew, oblivious to the messy human world, and guilt, and safety of a mate's arms. Sometimes I thought they had the best world, and sometimes I thought this one was worth it all, because I could face it with Dean.

#

After that deep discussion, we spent the rest of the day fucking around: literally fucking, as well as eating too much, wandering the woods, and visiting a local farmer's market, where Dean remembered to tell me that by the way, he didn't want any gifts from me on birthdays, holidays, or special anniversaries.

"Why not?" I was appalled.

"I have a storage rental for some things I can't get rid of, but in general, I just don't have a place to keep extra things, because of being on the move all the time. You must know. It's the same for you, isn't it?"

Oh. Well, maybe I did keep my possessions trimmed down to the minimal, but that didn't mean I should never buy him anything! "How about only useful things? Like if you need clothing, or something like that. And if I'm wrong, and it's not useful, you can just give it away instead of paying money to store it, okay?"

"Okay. But really, no gifts would be the best. I've reached a point where I think it's all a big hassle. I can be flexible if I have to be, but please...no gifts. We'll go out for special occasions, if you want. How doyouprefer to celebrate, by the way? I don't mind giving gifts."

I thought about it. Gifts weren't really a huge thing for me, either. "Big meals. Visiting my family when I can. Chatting to lonely strangers in stores and bars at odd hours when everyone else is celebrating."

He gave me an affectionate look. "I admire that, your ability to make friends everywhere you go."

I shrugged, feeling embarrassed, as if he was seeing me through a rosy lens that wasn't quite true. I didn't want to argue about it, though. A rosy lens for one's mate was better than a cold, assessing eye.

"You'll need to meet my family soon, by the way. They'll like you."

"Will they? I wonder."

"Well. They'd better like you! Even if our being mates wasn't enough for them, well..." I gestured to him, incoherent. "There's your face, for one thing."

"What?" He laughed, self-conscious but pleased. "What about my face?"

"It's...it's a very nice face." In fact, it looked like it needed a kiss.

I made sure to give it one as soon as I possibly could.

Later, I asked him something I'd been idly considering. "Do you think it would be weird if I tried to set up Freddie and Amos?"

He laughed. "Who, both the guys that had crushes on you?"

"Maybe."

"I don't know how they'd feel about your guilt-ridden matchmaking."