Page 35 of Trees Take the Long View

I thought about shifting, still couldn't make up my mind whether it was worth it or not. Dean and the tiger boy were talking, but I didn't listen. Letting their hesitant voices fall into background noise—just another part of the forest, the trees, the creatures and life in it—was easier right now. I lay down and licked my paws distractedly.

Maybe it would be better to shift back. But I didn't think I had anything to add to the conversation, and I didn't want to go back to being angry and resentful towards Dean. That hurt too much. It was easier to be accepting in my wolf form, even if I couldn't hide from the sadness here.

"Still a wolf?" said Amos. He'd hurried, or else I'd been too lost in my thoughts to notice the passage of time. He'd brought plastic water bottles, which always made the water taste funny to me, and a small cereal bowl. I wasn't going to complain if he was going to wait on me, that was for sure.

He twisted a cap open, making that distinctive pop, and glugged water into the dish for me. I drank it all, and waited while he refilled it, then drank that, too. I hadn't realized I was quite so thirsty; even the plastic-flavored water tasted good to me.

I gave him a quick lick on the wrist as thanks, and he looked touched by that.

"Do you mind if I touch your fur?" he asked, reaching fingers out cautiously, ready to withdraw. I stared at him a moment, thought about it, and realized I didn't mind at all.

The things I hadn't quite liked about him when I was another man—the way he stared, the way he had too much money and liked to collect big animals—didn't hold the same sway for me right now. He didn't frighten me. I could feel he meant me no harm. There was a friendliness and unexpected gentleness to him. I could feel it as a wolf, radiating from him, towards me: something like a type of longing, very gentle. There was no possible way he wanted to lock me in a cage, but he wantedsomethingvery much.

I tilted my head a little, indicating he was allowed to give me a nice scratch. His fingers were good at it, like he'd always known where a wolf would most like to be scratched along the chin.

"You're very pretty, do you know that?" he asked, a hint of awe in his voice.

I nodded. That made him laugh.

He looked younger when he was laughing, more alive even. Also, the forest light—dappled and dimmer through the trees—looked much better on his face than strong artificial lights. I stared up at him a moment, wondering why I felt so calm. It would be easier if I could keep disliking him, but I couldn't, any more than I'd been able to dislike the sheriff, or stay annoyed with Dean. I was far too sympathetic in my wolf form. But maybe that was good, because my human form was very quick to make decisions and said "never" a lot.

Maybe I needed both sides to balance me. So many people weren't as lucky as me, getting to experience things as a wolf. It hit hard, the unexpected grief of realizing I'd found the man I wanted as my mate, but that he didn't feel the same and probably never would. But it was still a beautiful world, and I wouldn't change getting to experience it for life without this side to me.

Yes, it could be a challenge: it was also so beautiful, right now, right here. I was grateful for this moment in the shade of a tree, with water and a new friend, waiting, as content as I could be. I might never have a mate; maybe I would be alone forever.

Even this I could live with. It was better to live than not to live, because life was beautiful just for being life; the world was beautiful because it could grow so many amazing things, and I was part of it: everything was connected, even if tenuously by tiny threads. I was an important part too, in my tiny, short-lived way. There was room for me. And I would survive even this, even not having my mate.

I watched Dean now, as he held out a hand, helping the naked boy down from the tree. The tiger boy moved tenuously, careful of his tender bare skin against the rough bark of the trunk he certainly hadn't climbed in that form. I glanced at Amos, feeling briefly cynical, but he wasn't staring. I'm sure he would have, if he'd noticed a nice young naked man climbing down and looking like he was at the peak of all he would ever be, but he was too busy paying attention to me to notice.

"Amos?" said Dean, tension registering in his voice. "Can you toss me those clothes? Our friend here needs to wear something for now, and I'm sure Alec's clothes will fit, or close enough."

I reflected that I really wasn't much more buff than the sleek tiger boy, but it wasn't a flattering thought. I gave Dean a flat look, then turned away from him and the boy.

Amos was staring now, that was for sure. "Um, yes. Here." He fumbled with my clothes. He also passed out more water bottles.

"Thanks," said Dean. Then to me: "Don't give me that look. You'll get everything back."

I licked my muzzle, feeling miserable.

Amos gave me a comforting pat on the shoulders. "They'll probably smell like tiger, though, won't they?" he said in a jovial voice, probably hoping to cut the tension.

"Well, they smell like wolf now," grumbled the tiger boy. He had a light voice, soft and lyrical. He was very pretty.

They would probably be very happy together.

"If you don't want to shift, then you need to wear something," said Dean firmly. "But if you'd rather wait here, I can go and fetch—"

"No. I'll wear these." The tiger gave a put-upon sigh, loud enough none of us could possibly miss it.

Amos hid his smile, but I still saw.

Soon the four of us were walking sedately back to Amos's land, his trees and tiger house, and his mansion home. It seemed oddly a letdown to walk back so calmly. I didn't bother to shift back, since there wouldn't have been any clothes for me to wear, and nobody wanted to hear what I had to say anyway.

I kept Amos between myself and the other two, because I couldn't stand to look at Dean right now, and I didn't want to walk next to the stinky tiger.

I'd felt a close kinship with him while I was tracking him down, but that had disappeared pretty darn quickly when Dean decided to start being nice to him and ignoring me.

I mean, he even volunteered my clothes, for pity's sake. I could feel Dean glancing at me several times during the walk, but I didn't bother looking back. Even in my wolf form, I couldn't keep the indignation at bay. It was easy to say I could survive it—but it was going to hurt like hell. It already did.