Page 24 of Trees Take the Long View

I stared at him. It didn't. He was perfect.

His laugh was self-conscious. "I can see you don't get it. That's kind of nice, too. But, well, to most people, my looks are average, my job is a huge strike against me since I'm always busy and always on the move. And my personality isn't outgoing or interesting enough to make up for any of it, not really."

"Stop." I wanted to cover his mouth, but kept my hands to myself. "How dare you. You have no flaws!"

This made him laugh, and cut the tension.

We picked out a funny film to watch together in the hotel room, and he got in a little more work around the edges, during the boring bits. Sometimes he snuck glances at me, and grimaced apologetically, as if to say he knew he should have his devices off. But I didn't mind. I got to sit next to him, and to be honest, if I'd had something worth doing, I'd have done it during the boring bits as well.

As it was, I lay on his bed, while he sat upright against the headboard. My head was near his waist, and I was as close to him as I could get, pressed against his leg. We had the AC on high, so it wasn't too warm for snuggling. I was enveloped in the feeling of safety, contentment, and a tingling sort of sexual arousal constantly in the background, the feeling of wanting him.

Him, with his warm hay comforting smell, and the intoxicating swirl of heady masculine hormones that totally weren't indifferent to me, whatever he might try to pretend, and the softness of his skin and the hair on his leg. If I started petting him, I'd never stop, so I kept my hands to myself. But I could breathe, couldn't I? And I could press as close as possible, if he wasn't going to complain about it. He didn't.

We enjoyed the movie enough for it to be worth the effort of sitting through, but I think we were both too distracted to tell you what actually happened toward the end. He was largely distracted by his work, but I was distracted by him.

I thought about our conversation. It seemed he wasn't opposed to having a serious and long-lasting relationship with me, he was just hesitant and needed to take things slowly. Rightfully so, really. It would be unusual if he was ready to commit as instantly as I was. I had that instant instinct on my side, while he had to actually figure things out the non-shifter way.

I just needed to practice my patience till he knew what he wanted. He was attracted to me. We had chemistry. His hesitation seemed to revolve around personal insecurities and the commitment involved. Well, I could wait. There was no rush; in the meantime, I could show him I was a mate worth having.

I wondered about Freddie, and his quick interest in me. Foxes didn't always choose mates, but some of them did. Was that how he'd felt about me? I didn't think so; he'd have said, surely. You didn't leave that off the table, not in a conversation with another shifter. He'd said he wanted to see where things went, which to me said he thought we could have some fun together and might make something long-term out of it eventually.

Would I have said yes to that offer, before I'd met Dean? Probably. But Freddie probably wouldn't have offered, before I met Dean. Leaving aside the fact that we wouldn't have met at all, that I'd never have approached him, my personality was a bit different before Dean, as well.

There was nothing outgoing about me at all as a stone-wall-building, camping-out, forest-walking lone wolf. I hadn't been even remotely cheerful and joking then. Even before I joined the S&P, and was then so disillusioned and angered, I'd never been what you'd call the jokester.

I was a loner, in general: I liked being alone in the forest, and I always would. Sure, I could socialize. It was fun meeting new people. But at the end of the day, I'd always been ready to move on quickly, and I'd never wanted to change my life enough to share it with anyone. But Dean had brought something to the surface in me, something purely joyful, head over heels, andready. I was ready to follow him anywhere, and it didn't feel like a hardship. It felt like an adventure.

We hadn't slept together, and of course, it was always possible that we never would—that he wouldn't be my mate, we'd go our separate ways. As optimistic as I was feeling just now, I couldn't believe that. I could only see us together, for the long haul, having adventures and traveling.

I would help with his missions, if and where I could.

If, on the other hand, Freddie had actually thought he and I were compatible as mates... Well, that was a sad thought and one I didn't want to contemplate. Because I was so sure, so eggs-in-one-basket sure that it was me and Dean. Wouldn't it be horrible to have someone think I was their mate, while I was sure someone else was, instead?

Best not to think too hard about that. Besides, I really didn't think the sleek, flirty fox had been thinking along those lines at all. He'd have been honest about it if he'd felt some deeper connection. He'd been hoping for a few fun dates, and an ally in this less than shifter-friendly area.

#

It seemed cruel to hang around Freddie after yesterday, so I stayed away from him. I also didn't have anything else I could do to help Dean in his investigation. He'd gotten the S&P investigators and lawyers involved, and they were beginning the complicated legal and investigative process. Honestly I suspected it would cost more to defeat the judge than the benefits could possibly be worth, just in the hours involved, but that wasn't really the point. This was about sending a message that yes, veteran shifters would be stuck up for, period.

From what Dean said, the owl veteran would absolutely be supported as well financially. There was no way Dean was going to let the guy's needs be ignored until it was all sorted out legally. My Dean made me proud.

Really, though, he wasn't my anything, not yet. I was more optimistic about it than logic dictated could possibly be wise. But my feelings weren't changing, and my life was so bright and new with this hope hovering over it, lighting up my days like an artificial sun overhead.

I spent a large part of the day taking a meditative walk through some of the areas Freddie had told me about. Again, I didn't shift, since I wasn't absolutely sure it would be safe to do so. But if we stayed much longer, I'd have a feeling for that soon enough. I was tougher than a fox, no offense to Freddie, so anything short of rabid bears or trigger-happy out-of-season hunters shouldn't pose a problem.

I felt extremely peaceful inside as I headed back, toward evening. It had been a good day—peaceful and slow, something settling down deep inside me, like a plant taking root, drawing up strength, settling in for the long haul.

Things in the forest didn't pick where they were planted, but they grew, and made the best of it, and often had really good lifetimes, even if it meant clinging to harsh landscapes, or squeezing in between bigger trees. Like them, I hadn't picked where love would bloom for me. I couldn't pick that, but I could make the best of it. I didn't feel helpless about it any more than those trees in odd places felt helpless. They'd make the best of things; so would I. It would be a good life, I was sure of that.

I went to the grocery store again and got some things to cook, then spotted a roadside vegetable stand, and stopped there as well. I was quite content as I cooked the supper we would eat when he got back.

This was home, if only for as long as we stayed in one place. I wondered if I'd get restless before he was ready to move on to the next assignment. I wondered if I even had it in me to be restless, when I got to come home to him.

Everything was still in limbo, nothing settled at all, and yet I was more at peace than I could remember being since I was very small, before wanderlust took me on a vagabond's life, trying new things, always on the go, wanting to find something more, and not even knowing what that was.

Had it been my mate all along? Here I'd thought it was something more profound than that, that I was a traveler at heart and always would be.

Well, if we ended up together, I still always would be, and that was quite fine with me.