Page 38 of Trees Take the Long View

This was always the danger in falling for someone, perhaps especially non-shifters, but anyone, really. There was no guarantee of feelings being returned, understood, or even acknowledged. Well, Dean understood and acknowledged how I felt. But that didn't mean he'd end up feeling the same way.

Tyler also didn't want his girlfriend to get in trouble, but he knew they shouldn't have kept the money. He wanted to pay back what he'd kept of it, but not get her in trouble with the cops about the part she'd kept. Dancing around that idea was going to be a hassle, I could see that, but Dean had been wise enough to get Tyler's family involved rather than trying to figure out how to handle it himself. We didn't want to scare Tyler into running, sic the cops on him, or something heavy-handed like that.

But the fact was he was basically a white-collar criminal at this point, and he didn't seem to realize that. It was a little more than a prank. The S&P, his parents, and the affected parties could hopefully work something out so he didn't face severe punishment—but I had a feeling protecting his girlfriend by letting her keep the money wasn't going to be on the table, not unless he had a few hundred thousand tucked away in a trust fund somewhere he could easily access. He'd have to face the music one way or another, but I was glad it wasn't me making him face it, and that he'd have his parents involved as well.

The meal was excellent and expansive enough that simply eating it left both of us shifters in a much better mood. There's something about actually having enough to eat that does wonders for a person's outlook on life.

By the time we headed off, Dean seemed bleak and disenchanted. With Tyler safely in the care of his family, who would hopefully talk him round to see sense about the crime-loving girlfriend and his exploits, we'd been able to leave.

Amos had cheerfully promised not to call the cops, sure that it could all be resolved without involving any sort of law enforcement (other than ourselves, of course), and then said goodbye, giving me a long, warm look as we parted. It seemed like he was putting all the things he'd said and felt earlier into that one look, and I had to look away after a moment. It felt strange to think of someone feeling that way about me, and it not being Dean.

Amos also made sure I had his phone number. Just in case I changed my mind—although he was too tactful to say it like that, with Dean right there. I wondered if he knew, if it was obvious that my feelings were all about Dean.

Probably.

#

"Everyone likes you," said Dean, as we walked out to his car. It was dark now. The cool part of the day had arrived, and it felt nice to turn my face to the sky and breathe. The air smelled clean, cleansing, as if the trees were breathing a sigh of relief for a brief respite from the pounding heat.

The clean-smelling air couldn't push the scent of him out of my nose—him, my wanted mate, the guy who didn't really want me back.

"Do they?" I wasn't really paying attention. I was very aware of him, as always; I just mean his words weren't really my focus.

"Well, they want to fuck you, at least." The sharp edge of bitterness in his voice surprised me. He got into the car and I followed swiftly, watching his face as he started it up and drove us from that place.

"Headlights," I reminded him.

He switched them on, mouth twisting in a frown.

I watched him longer. He wasn't looking at me. And he smelled jealous. Hm, just what had he and Amos been talking about that whole time? Perhaps I owed the guy a debt of thanks.

"You know who I want to have sex with," I said, evenly and quietly. "It's you. I think I've made that pretty clear. I'm not fucking around behind your back while I wait for you to make up your mind. But it's hard to feel like you don't want me. So yes, I'm flattered, if someone's interested—but that doesn't really change the fact that there's one guy I want, and it hurts like hell waiting for him to turn me down."

"Turn you down? Is that where you think this is going?" He finally glanced at me. I pointed to the road.

"Drive safely or pull over, please." Again I kept my voice very calm. That didn't keep it from shaking a little, though. Yes, I did think that was where this was going. And there was a certain recklessness about him right now that made me afraid it was going to be tonight.

Would I just have to grab my things and leave? I couldn't sleep in the same room with him the night he told me he didn't want me and it was never going to happen. Putting that off for even a few more minutes would be good. Would I be wandering the woods tonight, alone and howling my pain to the stars?

I hoped I could keep it together. This already hurt so very much, I might not be able to be very sensible for a while. Getting a job would probably be beyond me. Maybe like Tyler I needed to contact my parents and let them look after me till I was more myself.

If that ever happens.

I squeezed my shaky hands into fists and stared out the window, letting my jaw clench tight, loosen, then do it all over again.

"Alec, I don't want to turn you down. I've been trying to give you space to change your mind. You're so sweet and hot and likable, it's..." He seemed to be grappling for words. "And suddenly you're interested in me, you're certain, but I'm not. I'm not going to change my basic personality, and I'm not going to settle down to a boring nine-to-five, even for you. I tried that, and it didn't work. So one of us needs to think it through. That's what I've been trying to do. Am I going to be interesting enough to hold your attention? I honestly doubt that. Are you going to get tired of traveling around all the time with me, or else waiting for me to come home? I think nearly anyone would."

"But I'm not anyone. I like travel. I like you. Why does it have to be more complicated than that? You smell right to me, Dean. I can try to explain it better, but you smellright: like home, my mate, the one I want to be with forever. I don't think there's anything wrong with your personality. And yes, I want to have sex. If you turn me down I'll probably find someone, but it won't be forever and it won't mean the same thing it would mean with you. I've got a shot at a mate and I don't know if that will ever happen for me again. It's never happened before. You're the only one I've ever felt that way about. Now, we can argue that it's a fucking stupid way to pick your future and your partner, but it's worked for wolves for a really long time, and I am always going to be a wolf, Dean. A wolf with restless paws and a big heart—for you. But I don't think anyone else could fill it up, no matter how they tried."

It was the most eloquent and earnest I had ever been, and my voice was cracking towards the end.

He snorted softly, a little huff of air and sound. His eyes stayed on the road, very firmly, and he was driving safely. Now he pulled off to the side of the dark road and turned to look at me. He looked as scared as I felt.

"Well, Mr. Martins wants to fill it up, that's for sure. You should've heard the way he talks about you. He barely met you!"

My eyes stayed glued to him, because there was more coming; I could feel it building. I waited, barely breathing anymore. Who needed air?

Dean's voice was low, serious, and a little angry. "Alec, I'm scared as shit I'm going to ruin this, or hurt you. But it's hurting you now, waiting. It's like you're holding your heart out in your hand. I can't keep waiting for you to see sense. So here's my mind, made up:yes. Yes, to everything. Yes, I fucking want you. I'd like to spend the rest of my damned life with you if you can stand me for that long."