Page 28 of Trapped (Sheppard & Sons Investigations #6)

Ashley

D uring breakfast, Nathan told me he’d drive me to meet Emily.

Of course he would. I wanted to be annoyed, but who was I kidding?

I barely put up a fight when he’d told me as he set a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon, and a cup of coffee in front of me.

Knowing I shouldn’t be drinking the coffee, I sipped slowly rather than tell Nathan I needed decaf.

He chuckled when Gran snuck Prince a bite of her bacon. I pretended not to notice. If feeding Prince bacon made her happy, who was I to stop her?

I’d just shoved my laptop in my bag when Nathan called down the hall, “Sammie’s here, we can leave whenever you’re ready.”

Sammie, a Weatherford cop, worked part time at SSI. I trusted her to watch the house and keep Gran safe while Nathan and I went to Grannie’s.

The ride over was uncomfortably quiet as Nathan and I stole glances at each other. He glanced. I looked. Admired. Tortured myself knowing it could never be.

The first thing I noticed when we walked into Grannie’s was Jamie leaning against the booth, talking to Emily. He made eye contact with Nathan and nodded. As I greeted Mary and Beth, Jamie leaned down and kissed Emily on the temple.

“Hey Ashley.” He gave me a quick hug.

“Hi Jamie.”

“You okay?”

I smiled, ignoring all the things in my life that weren’t okay. “Yeah, the big guy here made breakfast for Gran and me this morning,” I said, using Gran’s nickname for Nathan.

He raised his eyebrows. “Is that so?”

Nathan shrugged. “I was hungry, and Violet was up.” He turned towards me and asked, “You want a coffee?”

I’d only had half a cup, so I did, but I couldn’t tell him I needed a decaf. At the rate people were buying me coffee, it’d be my kid’s first word.

“I heard you’re drinking decaf in solidarity with Meg and Em. Is it true?” In that moment, I’d never been more grateful to Emily’s husband.

“It’s true.” I nodded.

“That’s quite a sacrifice. Your coffee consumption is almost as insane as the Gilmores.”

My eyes rounded.

“Don’t look at me like that. Em loves that show, so naturally I’ve seen a few episodes.”

“Do you like it more or less than Outlander?”

Nathan’s laugh saved Jamie from having to answer. I thought it was sweet that Jamie and Jack watched TV with their wives, even if they’d never choose those particular shows.

“One decaf vanilla latte coming right up,” Nathan said, remembering my drink of choice.

“You don’t have to buy my coffee,” I argued as I sat and slid into the booth.

“I don’t have to. I want to,” he answered, earning a smile and nod from Jamie.

Nathan being nice as he protected me was making it difficult for me to protect my heart.

When he delivered my coffee, he said, “We’re right over here if you need us.”

I inhaled the sweet scent of my favorite latte. “Thank you.” I wondered if the vanilla syrup was bad for the baby. I’d have to look it up when I got home.

Emily scooted to sit beside me so I could show her my ideas. I should’ve scooted to her side so we could see the door, but it didn’t seem necessary with two bodyguards sitting between it and us.

After taking her feedback notes, the conversation shifted to other topics.

Baby topics.

Specifically, my baby.

“You’re still seeing Doc Greenfield Wednesday, right?”

“Yes, I’m hoping I’m not, but Doc said false positives are rare.” My heart sank when Doc confirmed what the internet had already told me. Not that I didn’t want children; I did. Just not with Finn, the reason I needed a bodyguard.

“Have you taken another home test?”

“No, I’m afraid another positive will freak me out, and a negative would get my hopes up. Neither result would improve the situation.”

I’d lost track of how many times a day I prayed the test was wrong.

When Emily asked if I’d considered getting a restraining order against Finn, I said I had but knew it wouldn’t help. It could also make things worse, like it had when she got one against her now-dead ex-boyfriend.

I trusted Jamie to tell me if I needed one.

The fact that I might need one, for the father of my child, was a mind-fuck. It’s too much to deal with . I wanted to hide my head in the sand and pretend this wasn’t my life.

My mind spiraled down the rabbit hole. What kind of life would my kid have with Red Flag Finn as his father? How much emotional damage would he cause? Would I be able to maintain custody and minimize the harm he’d inflict with his narcissistic, abusive behavior?

I wondered if an order of protection could prevent him from seeing his baby. Or at least require him to have supervision for visits.

“Do you think I could get one to keep Finn away from my baby?”

“You’re pregnant?” The deep voice behind me made me jump.

Nathan. Shit . I hadn’t heard him walk up.

Feeling like a rat in a trap, I looked at Emily, hoping for help.

She bailed on me like a traitor. “I’ll give you two a minute.”

My head thunked when I dropped it on the table. How the hell was I supposed to face him?

The leather creaked as he shuffled onto the bench across from me. “Ashley.”

“What?” My arms covered my head, muffling my reply.

“Please look at me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t do this right now.”

“Yes, you can.” His voice was softer, encouraging.

“Can you just go away?” I added “Please” thinking it’d make a difference.

“You know I can’t. More importantly, I won’t.”

Two strong hands gently pulled my arms away from my head, then one hand reached over, pried under my chin, and lifted my face up.

“That’s better.” He used his thumb to wipe away the tears I hadn’t wanted him to see. “Is this why you said no to giving me a second chance?”

No judgement. No questions about the baby or Finn.

“Yes.” I had more to say, but was too exhausted to find the right words.

When he held my hand, I didn’t pull back.

When my gaze locked on his, he held it.

When Jamie cleared his throat, neither of us looked away.

“I’m taking my wife home unless you need me for something?” Jamie said.

Nathan didn’t break eye contact when he answered, “We’re good.”

Nathan finally blinked, breaking the spell, when Jamie said, “Maybe we’ll stay until he’s focused again.”

My cheeks burned as I pulled my hand away.

Damn, that was intense.

Emily leaned over the bench and hugged me goodbye. “Call me later. I want to hear everything.” Her impish grin and sparkling eyes made my cheeks burn a little hotter.

Resisting the temptation to look at Nathan, I said, “Okay.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes after Jamie and Emily left. Words seemed inadequate for the heavy emotions swirling in the air around us.

“Can I take you home?” Nathan asked, breaking the silence.

I liked the way the word home sounded on his lips. No, I can’t think like that.

Sitting there like a deer in the headlights, a million emotions raged inside. My hands shook. My voice failed me. My eyes blinked away more tears.

“Come on, Slick, let’s go.” He used the nickname he’d given me in Vegas as he stood and took the one step needed to stand beside my bench. When he extended his hand, I took it.

It was as if I no longer had control over my limbs.

Is it too early to blame the hormones?

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

When I turned to say goodbye to Mary, she grinned like a cat who’d found the cream. “Bye, Mary.” I practically whispered as I lifted my free hand in a half-wave.

“Bye, Ashley. Nathan.”

“Have a good day, Mrs. Sheppard.”

Mary inhaled deeply, a telltale sign she was repressing her annoyance. “How many times have I told you to call me Mary?”

At the last Craft and Booze Night, she’d complained about all the new hires calling her Mrs. Sheppard. I’d laughed when she praised their good manners while complaining about their reluctance to call her by her first name.

Nathan smiled. “Right, sorry. Have a good day, Mary.”

She smiled. “That’s better. Now, you two get out of here.”

Having embarrassed myself more than enough for one day, I was happy to obey.