Page 20 of Trapped (Sheppard & Sons Investigations #6)

Nathan

I didn’t recognize anyone behind the counter when I walked into Grannie’s Sunday morning. Which was a good thing. I wasn’t ready to face Mary or Beth after my last visit. Hopefully, today would be more civil, so I wouldn’t owe Mary yet another apology. Maybe I should’ve suggested somewhere else .

It was too late. Ashley would be here any minute. Besides, I wanted her to feel safe and comfortable when we talked. I ordered a large black coffee, a large vanilla latte for Ashley, plus a couple of pastries.

Then I stared at the black and white pictures on the wall and waited.

Seeing the bags under Ashley’s eyes when she walked in made my heart ache. She wasn’t just tired; she’d been crying. Once again, the sinking feeling in my gut screamed she was hiding something. I was willing to listen and help any way I could, but she still didn’t trust me.

Not that I blamed her. From her perspective, I was the jerk who lied and led her on before ghosting her.

Ghosting her wasn’t by choice, and she seemed to finally understand that.

“Hi, Nina.” She waved to the barista.

“Hi, Ashley. You want a decaf again today?” The college-aged girl behind the counter asked.

She glanced at me. Interesting . Her red-rimmed eyes opened wide while a blush crept up her cheeks. Like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. What the hell is that all about?

I pointed at the second cup on the table.

“I’m good, thanks.” I stood as she approached the table. “Hi,” she said.

“Hi. I got you a vanilla latte. I hope that’s okay.”

A sad look crossed her face as she glanced at the cup. Her big fake smile didn’t match her soft tone. “Thank you.”

Something was definitely going on, but it wasn’t my place to ask. At least, not yet. First, I had to repair the damage I’d done a year ago. Then, maybe I’d have the right to stick my nose in her business.

Ashley took a small sip, closing her eyes as she savored it.

When she licked the foam off her upper lip, I had to tell my body to stop reacting.

Thank God for the table, because my body ignored my command.

I’d been dreaming of Ashley in my bed for a year, and now that she was flesh and blood again, my body was eager for the dreams to become a reality.

“What?” she asked, her voice laced with impatience.

“Nothing.” I cleared my throat. “I’m just glad you’re enjoying your coffee.”

Her irritation fled as understanding dawned. She looked away, but not before a hint of desire flashed in her eyes.

“Why’d you let me believe you were an accountant?”

She’s skipping the small talk . Good to know.

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves and reminded myself I’d faced far worse than a pissed-off woman and survived.

“Honestly—”

She cut me off. “No, please lie to me again.”

After last night, I’d expected her to be less angry, but this morning Ashley seemed determined to stay mad, making apologizing a challenge.

“It was easier than making up a different lie.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. Like I said, I was deep undercover and couldn’t tell you the truth.”

Ashley sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. Several emotions—frustration, understanding, sadness—warred for dominance.

Frustration won.

“Then why’d you hook up with me?”

“If I remember correctly, you hit on me.”

My attempt at humor missed the mark. Her expression was definitely anger this time. My instincts screamed at me to retreat.

Before I could apologize, she grumbled, “You didn’t have to flirt back.”

She was right; I didn’t. And I shouldn’t have.

“You’re right, but only an idiot would ignore a gorgeous woman hitting on him.”

“You’re an idiot for making me believe we had something special.”

“I am.” But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. “We did. Why do you think I asked you out?”

“How should I know? Maybe it was all a game, and you got a thrill standing women up.”

A game? It’d never been a game for me. Even when I picked up random women, I acted with respect.

“Ashley.” I missed the carefree side she’d displayed when she walked up to me, a man lost deep in thought and scowling at his beer, and dropped a cheesy pickup line like she owned the world.

“It wasn’t a game. You have no idea how badly I wanted you.” Still do. “Wanted us.” I’d wanted it since our first kiss, but forced myself to walk away. The second night, my strength failed me.

“You didn’t ask for my number.”

“No, and I couldn’t give you mine.” I admitted, knowing it’d start a new argument.

“Why the hell not? I assume you had two.”

I did, but one was in a locker along with my real ID, credit cards, a stack of cash, and a gun. In case I needed to make a fast getaway. It’d come in handy after I killed the Perpura Brothers.

“Ashley, I understand how difficult this is for you to accept.” I paused as she made a face, giving her time to follow it up with a snarky comment.

She didn’t disappoint. “Don’t patronize me.” She leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. Her body said, I’m pissed. Her eyes said, I’m sad. I addressed the sadness, knowing the windows to her soul displayed the deepest emotion.

“I’m not.” I tried a different tactic. “Are you familiar with Black Op groups?”

“Only what I’ve read in books.”

So, probably nothing real. “What do you know?”

Her stare gave me the impression she wanted to punch me for asking.

“Humor me. Please?”

“They exist in the shadows, sometimes they do bad stuff for the right reasons, and no one is supposed to know about them,” she finally answered.

I nodded. She wasn’t far off. “When we met, I was deep undercover for a civilian black ops company. When I became Scott Miller for the op, Nathan ceased to exist. My survival depended on it, and it protected the people I cared about.”

She looked at my scar before reaching forward and grabbing her coffee. She held the tall paper cup under her nose, inhaling deeply before taking a sip.

Waiting out her obvious delay tactics while maintaining eye contact wasn’t easy, but I reminded myself that if I could go a week without sleep, I could wait another minute for Ashley to speak.

“Tell me about it.”

I’d get to that, but first, I circled back to her previous statement. “I couldn’t risk carrying Nathan’s phone.” God, it felt weird talking about myself in the third person. “It was in a locker with some other stuff I’d stashed, in case of an emergency.”

I could see her thinking as she played with the cardboard sleeve on her cup while she processed the extremity of my circumstances. Finally, she nodded, seeming to accept how complex the situation was.

“I had no right getting involved with you. It was stupid.”

“What the fuck does that mean? You think talking to me was stupid?”

How could one man fuck up so badly while trying so hard?

“No, no. That’s not what I meant.” I ran my hand down my face as anxiety started rearing its ugly head. “Talking to you, meeting you, was the best thing that happened to me in a long time.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“I’m trying to, but you keep interrupting me.” I bit back. Once again, I wondered if this was a bad idea.

“Fine.” She dragged her pinched thumb and forefinger across her lips, zipping them shut.

Leaning forward, I reached for her hand like I had the night before. Only this time, she didn’t let me take it.

Hiding my disappointment, I continued. “It was stupid to risk your life. When you hit on me,” her eyes narrowed, “I thought I’d hit the jackpot. A one-night stand with a bold, gorgeous woman.”

I paused to let her respond, but she didn’t. Blood rushed south as I watched the sexiest shade of pink crawl up her neck and spread across her cheeks. Then I did what I knew I shouldn’t. I looked down to enjoy the same color spreading across the tops of her gorgeous breasts.

I couldn’t help myself; her curve-hugging, low-cut tank top framed them perfectly.

“My eyes are up here,” she said.

Reluctantly, I dragged my focus back to her face. “But the more we talked, the more we connected, the more I wanted.”

Her expression softened, confirming she’d wanted the same thing. Something I’d suspected from her tongue-lashing the night before.

“When I left your room, I didn’t think I’d see you again. I didn’t ask for your number because I couldn’t risk it being in my, in Scott’s phone.”

Ashley wasn’t stupid; she’d find her way to the reality of the situation without me drawing a map.

The next night, I’d broken my routine and returned to the same bar two nights in a row.

It was stupid, and I shouldn’t have, but I hoped she’d come back.

I trusted myself to play it cool, acting like all I wanted was sex, at least in public.

Not willing to risk her safely, I’d kept a watchful eye out for my associates.

If I’d spotted any of them, I would’ve called the whole thing off.

Sitting at the bar, I felt like I was being watched. When I turned, I saw Ashley staring at me. Her smile widened as sauntered over and plopped down on the empty stool beside me. Pride straightened my spine as my own smile grew. If I’d been a peacock, my tail feathers would’ve been on full display.

The doorbell chiming brought me back to the present.

“I shouldn’t have returned to the same bar. But I did, hoping you would too.” I sipped my coffee to buy myself a second before admitting, “I was torn between the desperate need to see you, and the sincere desire to keep you safe.”

Images of what they’d do to her, each one worse than the last, flooded my mind. My hands trembled. I ground my teeth. My heels bounced up and down.

It wouldn’t be long before my anxiety developed into flashbacks and panic.

I gripped the edge of the vinyl bench cushion. I pinched the fabric of my jeans. I picked up my coffee cup.

“What happened? Why’d you stand me up?” Ashley leaned forward, resting her arms on the table.

“My cover was blown.”

“So you had to leave?”

I could hear soft music, someone steaming milk, and Ashley’s foot tapping on the floor. I was doing things out of order, but I felt desperate.

“Nathan?” Ashley’s soft voice cut through the building anxiety.

“I never got the chance,” I said, staring at my coffee cup.

Ashley waited for me to say more, but I couldn’t.

“Ashley, I can’t.” Nausea took over. My stomach revolted.

“You can’t, or you won’t?”

My breathing sped up. “I can’t.” I gripped my coffee cup too hard, and the lid popped off.

Concern replaced anger. “Are you okay?”

Clearly, I wasn’t. “I’m fine,” I said through gritted teeth, sounding more angry than panicky.

“Fine? Really?” Now, frustration laced her voice. “I shouldn’t have bothered trying.” She stood up.

The fear of Ashley leaving spurred me into action. I’m a fucking SEAL, I can fight through this . I stood and reached for her arm.

“Please,” I didn’t ask, I begged, reaching the other hand to caress her cheek.

Her eyes widened, but to her credit, she didn’t flinch.

Did she trust me? Or was she too scared to move?

I took two quick deep breaths to calm down, searching her eyes for the answer. No fear.

To my surprise, she waited patiently. Watching. Analyzing.

Our eyes stayed focused on each other as I found my voice. “Ashley,” I growled as I placed my forehead against hers and wrapped my hand around the back of her neck. “Please don’t go. You have no idea…”

I still couldn’t tell her the details of what had happened. Hell, just telling her the summary of the cliff note version resulted in an anxiety attack as memories flooded my mind. Our conversation the night before had caused nightmares that haunted me most of the night.

“Then tell me,” she whispered. “Help me understand why you ghosted me.”

Taking a deep breath in, I said, “The FBI set a trap, but it didn’t work. I was outed as a mole in the organization I was trying to tear down.”

She put her hand on my arm but didn’t pull it off her neck. Her touch was gentle and sympathetic. “How bad?”

Images of chains, knives, and brass knuckle-covered fists flashed before my eyes. The snap of a whip cracking filled my ears. The tangy, metallic scent of blood filled my nose.

My chest rose and fell too fast as I lost control of my breathing.

“Nathan?” Ashley sounded like she was underwater.

Two hands grabbed my face, tilting it down. “Nathan. Are you okay?”

She sounded closer. I shut my eyes and started counting as I forced my lungs to slow down.

She waited, her soft, warm hands holding my face. When I opened my eyes, I was staring into the depths of the most beautiful honey-brown eyes I’d ever seen. Eyes I could get lost in, if she’d let me.

The depth of compassion radiating from them almost dropped me to my knees.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you okay? Should I call someone?” she asked.

There was no one to call. Well, maybe Kroup, but I’d recover before he got here.

I rested my forehead against hers. “I’m okay. Can we get out of here?” My need for fresh air was sudden and all-consuming.

“Yeah. Sure.”

On our way out, I counted five things I could see, including a dark blue sedan with tinted windows. It wasn’t the one I’d seen yesterday, but it still made my gut scream loud enough for me to shove down the anxiety and switch to protector mode.

I was already between Ashley and the potential threat, but that didn’t feel like enough. I asked Ashley to stop and pretended to tie my shoe so I could look for the license plate. My nerves tingled as alarm bells went off in my head. No front plate .

Not that it’d matter. Doug had found out that the car from the previous night was a rental.

The renter had reserved it with a stolen ID and paid in cash.

Doug was exploring other avenues of getting information, but hadn’t found anything yet.

I expected the same result if I had a plate to run from this car.

I stood and placed my hand on the small of her back. To my surprise, she didn’t pull away. Good. I didn’t care if it was Finn or his hired hand watching.

I wanted whoever they were to know Ashley was protected.