Page 21 of Trapped (Sheppard & Sons Investigations #6)
Ashley
I ’m an asshole . I shouldn’t have pushed him. At first I thought he was being evasive, but then he had an anxiety attack. The hand he’d wrapped around my arm had trembled just enough to scare me.
I wasn’t scared of him. I was scared for him. Nathan wouldn’t hurt me. I don’t know how I knew, but I believed it with every fiber of my being. Watching as a Navy SEAL’s eyes disconnected from reality as he struggled to breathe was unnerving, and I hoped never to experience it again.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked as he knelt to tie his shoe. Tension poured off him as his eyes focused on a parked car.
His concern was contagious, and I couldn’t help but look too. Nothing about the car stood out, but I figured it was safer to trust Nathan’s intuition than my own.
“Is it okay if we just walk around?”
“Sure.”
When he stood, Nathan put his large, warm hand on my lower back.
I didn’t want to like it, but I did.
I told myself to move away, but I didn’t.
But I should. I was pregnant with another man’s baby. There was no way Nathan would forgive me for keeping my secret, a lie of omission, after I yelled at him for the same reason.
Even if he forgave me, I couldn’t imagine him wanting to raise another man’s child. Especially when the father was a self-centered psycho who’d make our lives miserable. Once again, I prayed the result was wrong.
“You okay?” Nathan asked.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“I’m fine. Just needed some air.” He brushed it off like he hadn’t just freaked out in Grannie’s.
“Right. Of course you won’t tell me the truth.” I shouldn’t be mad, but I hated that he wouldn’t talk to me. He was switching between open and closed off faster than I scrolled through ads on my social media accounts.
“It’s complicated.” He ran his hand down his face before turning and scanning behind us.
“And I couldn’t possibly be smart enough to understand.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You think I’m not capable of understanding.” That felt more accurate. God only knew I’d been acting like a bitch instead of showing compassion or patience.
He dropped his hand. “Jesus Christ, Ashley, stop putting words in my mouth.”
Walking away from him, I doubled down on my bitchiness. “Just tell me.”
Nathan did this to me. I was known for my snark and sass, just like Gran, but I wasn’t a bitch. How did he draw out the worst in me?
Because he hurt me in ways no one else ever had. Because he was here, but miles away. Gone were the easy smile, the playful teasing, the snappy banter I’d witnessed in Vegas.
In its place were secrecy, shadows, and scars.
He stepped in front of me and turned, stopping so fast I almost ran into him. His hands on my shoulders stopped my momentum.
One hand stayed on my shoulder, holding me still with nothing more than gentle pressure. The other hand grabbed my chin and forced me to look at his face.
“This happened.” He didn’t need to point. “When I fought my way out after two weeks in captivity.” He dropped both hands, his chest rising and falling too fast for how calm he sounded.
Two weeks in captivity.
“And this,” he pointed this time, “isn’t the worst of it.”
Not the worst? What else had they done to him?
“I’m sorry.” My apology felt as lame as it sounded.
He stared at me. “I don’t need your sympathy.”
I deserved that after pushing him so much.
“I shouldn’t have been such a pushy bitch.”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Three hours before I was supposed to meet you, I was called into a meeting.” He paused, taking a deep breath while dragging his hand down his face. “I didn’t see the light of day again until I escaped.”
Two weeks. Jay and Cate were held and tortured for four days. The few things I’d heard were horrific. I could only imagine how much worse it was for Nathan.
I couldn’t say I was sorry again, so I stepped closer. When Nathan flinched, I said, “Stand still.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and used my body to comfort him instead of my words.
His chin rested on my head as he pulled me closer. “Thank you,” he whispered into my hair.
I nodded against his chest and pressed my hands into his back as I squeezed tighter, pouring my forgiveness and sympathy into the hug since he didn’t want my words.